Hello everyone!

It's a relief and a major chizuk to find that there are other real people here, and that I'm not alone. Much of the time, it feels like these things are somewhat fake; like I'm the only real person, and everyone else is either a poster boy, or a plant to make us real people feel better.

I've been struggling with this ever since I was a kid. It gradually (d)evolved from seeing one thing that wasn't so great as a kid (but it probably wasn't so bad, either), all the way to sneaking out of yeshiva to download things to watch, then bringing them back to yeshiva.

I've felt nothing but guilt, depression, and anxiety for years now, and once I realized that I couldn't stay in yeshiva any longer, I left. The problem is that now I'm unemployed, and I can't seem to do anything to help myself. I know that there are other issues, too, but I can't help but feel that if this wasn't a problem for me, things might have turned out completely differently for me, and it hurts so much.

Welcome brother you have come to a great place!
stick around you will gain a lot from other nice people

Are you single or married?

Love Yankel!

I would say you should schedule a phone call with one of the representatives here just to make things easier for you.
You can click on the "first time here" from the menu bar, read the thread for newcomers, also download the hand book & start reading. Also check around the site on your own.
(Or you can wait for gibor's welcome & get all the info from his signature...)

Ploni McPloniface wrote on 16 Jan 2018 17:08:

been there, been there....

Why do you feel you can't be in yeshiva anymore? 
The disease for me has indeed robbed me of so many opportunities. Like they say, when opportunity knocks, don't be too embarrassed to open because your pants are down.

Welcome! Please share more and start inspirin'

Hi, I’m also new. I feel so bad for the things I’ve seen and the zera levatala that I’ve spilled. And having my spouse and child sleeping in the next room makes me feel so bad with myself! It’s like I’m lying to them - when I know that I what have is a strange addiction. I’m also lost, not sure how or where to start. It does give me comfort to know I’m not alone. 

hi and welcome 
don't worry your not alone and you really never were you'll start realizing that soon
maybe start your own thread and share your story amazing things will start happening

Welcome

Ploni McPloniface wrote on 16 Jan 2018 17:08:

I’m a really person (with a big YH). I’m definitely not a poster boy (yet), nor a plant. 

Newtogye wrote on 17 Jan 2018 09:33:

@Newtogye I’m not married.
I’m curious though, accepting that I had an addiction brought me much comfort.
Also what’s so strange about this addiction?

Welcome to a great place. BH I am clean over a year because of GYE. If I got better than you can too b'ezras Hashem. Keep posting. Stay connected. Be open to new ideas and concepts and slowly change your way of thinking. Hatzlocha!

Hey newtogye,
Stay strong! Obviously the goal is recovery, and there are many tools for that around here. But until then, try to be positive. So much of the negative affects that porn addiction brings is self inflicted. Being negative brings the shame and ruins your relationships. Tell yourself that you’re going to work on this, but don’t get down. Stay positive and keep a smile on your face. Try to bring positivity in to the relationships in your life. You will see great results.
You got this.

Welcome!  You are far from alone.  Check out the handbook.  Post here.  It can be overwhelming at first, but stick with it.  Often, acting out is a "solution" to another problem.  Addressing the original problem is critical.  What are your triggers?  Lonliness, anxiety, anger, fear?  Keep posting.  We are here for you.  Collectively, we have been through it all.