Hi bb0212

I am B"H a father with children Married, But i do see the sufferings of single fathers. I have some family in that position, so i am realizing the pain and the sufferings it entails. So to answer your question, I am not qualified to "join" the Group, but I am qualified to "support" the group.

heemircha

Four triggers which affect me are 

Hungry
Angry (Resentful)
Lonely
Tired

When one or more happens, it is time to HALT.
To realise you are at risk of acting out.
This applies to me, but some other people on here their triggers are different.

The answer involves recognising these triggers, implementing alternative activities when they strike, to avoid falling into the "junk food artificial high" of lust.

Sometimes you may not realise these triggers affect you, othertimes you will.

Take it day by day or hour by hour.

a group support is a great idea the only down side that i can think of is that the rest of us who arent in the group  will be losing out from what you guys have to contribute ,because some of you guys have great spirit!

ieeyc wrote on 13 Dec 2017 16:05:

That's a valid point. Which would be some food for thought for any divorced fathers out there. They're missing out on a a great support.

תהלים (קטז יב) מָֽה־אָשִׁ֥יב לַיקֹוָ֑ק כָּֽל־תַּגְמוּל֥וֹהִי עָלָֽי:

B”h today I got to 90 days. There are numerous individuals that I would like to thank. In advance, I ask forgiveness from anyone that I leave out of my list, all your contributions are appreciated and helped me get to where I am today.

First I must thank Headlines Radio Program which did a whole interview with Yaakov. This is how I first heard about GYE.  When I first joined GYE, I was scared of my own shadow. Now that I am here for a while, I see that Hashem took me on a gradual process so that I wouldn’t feel like I am being thrown into the deep (phone calls) right away. The first person I met on chat tzaddik212 has been a tremendous help throughout. He was the one who convinced me to start a thread and for that I am forever grateful, it led me to meet Kyle and BB0212 and we now have a single father email support group which is so helpful for me. I find it so helpful in so many different respects I cannot be grateful enough. You guys are awesome!

I also want to thank my first email partner 360gye who has also been there for me during hard times.

I was very hesitant to speak to anyone over the phone until a combined effort from one_day_at_a_time and Hashem_Help_Me convinced me that it is worth it. I cannot thank these two individuals enough, for all that they do for me and for all that they do for all others who know them. They really make all of us feel part of a Chabura that is working together to shteig in these inyonim which I find so helpful, as it is no longer an individual struggle. Additionally I must give an honorable mention to Gevurah Shebyesod who I understand paved the way for the abovementioned chabura and for chatting with me a few times.

I must also thank Dov for all that he does for us and the wisdom that he shares all over the site and for speaking with me over the phone. The time he has spent on this Sugya and the knowledge that he has is truly unparalleled and for that I am very grateful to him.

There are two friends that I made thru the chat F.E. and ieyyc and I thank you both.

I also must give thanks to group 221 to which I am proud to be a member.

I want to reiterate my apology to all those I forgot and all those I didn’t thank enough, please forgive me, you too have helped me tremendously and I thank you for that.

I will close with a Tefila to Hashem:

Hashem, this site is full of stories of many people who were very far from you who got much much closer. Please help all those who want to and are struggling to get closer, to get closer to you. Please also help everyone else to want to get closer to you and ultimately to get closer to you. Thank you Hashem for all that you do for me and for everyone else.

Mazel Tov!

Incredible advancements for humankind ;-)

Now imagine an unfamiliar face walks into a drug rehab center and says hey guys "I'm sober". I think he should share some clarification first "Share your history". 
For example - do you struggle primarily with porn or masturbation, or other lust encounters. is this the first time in 10 years that you broke the 90 day barrier?

Markz,
thanks for your good wishes. much appreciated.
I have tremendous respect for everyone and any way they find that works for them to recover.
I am aware that many find it beneficial and therapeutic to post all of their history in detail. However, personally, I feel it is more beneficial to only discuss triggers and that I already did earlier in the thread.
I will review now:
Loneliness- as a single dad that is common.
Rejection- as a person in marriage that didn't work out.
Stress- taking care of my kids and trying come up with enough money to live.

I have learned to medicate all these stresses before they start compromising my self control, which helps me be in the right frame of mind to continue avoiding triggering situations.
I

heemircha wrote on 26 Dec 2017 22:29:

Great stuff! Can you elaborate on the medication please?

GodGod speed!

MAZEL TOV HEEMIRCHA.

I am so glad you reached this wonderful day. I still remember when i first met you, and you sounded so down and in despair, and B"H you reached a day, that will always inspire you. for me 90 days meant that it is possible to be A Kodosh Vetohor. and it is a life time work to be more and more dedicated to Hashem. I enjoy our friendship, and i get inspired just by talking to you. may we share many milestones to come.

Heemircha, I'm too tired to write a post that would give justice to what you accomplished.  Mazal tov, and Hashem should help you going ad 120 and more! 
keep it up!

I just heard the following quote from Dov : "If G-d were to offer me the next 30 years clean or today clean, I'd take today and ignore His offer for 30 more years. "He explained: Today is the day I am concerned with and I do not live from yesterday and not into tomorrow.

Personally I think it is an excellent hagdara of one day at a time. I would definitely not make the same choice but I think it illustrates the point.

I am mentioning this now as i feel that i need chizzuk in the one day at a time hashkafa.  I don't want to get all excited that i passed 90 days and rely on that, i feel i need to get back to one day at a time.

#heemirchahayom

cordnoy wrote on 26 Dec 2017 23:49:

So as far as the specific meds that work for me:
Lonliness- being honest with myself that i am lonely right now, validating myself for feeling that way, get out there and talk to people in real life and GYE life.
Rejection- being honest with myself that i am feeling rejected right now, validating myself for feeling that way connect with others who can relate and get chizzuk
stress- being honest with myself that i am stressed right now, validating myself for feeling that way, and releasing it thru exercise, singing, being thankful to Hashem for all the good things, breathing exercises.

If anyone else has other ideas i would be very happy to try other suggestions

i also heard about gye on the Headlines Radio Program! may hashem continue to help us to go in his ways in purity