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TOPIC: Day 1 5822 Views

Day 1 31 Jul 2017 20:46 #318135

  • LoTaturu
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Last Edit: 14 Mar 2019 23:38 by LoTaturu. Reason: Privacy

Re: Day 1 31 Jul 2017 21:58 #318138

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Welcome to GYE friend. There are many people here who can relate to your story and struggle. Keep an open mind and have patience as you learn about recovery. For many of us we  came to believe that sex and masturbation were not our problem. Our problem went much deeper than that and the sex was the solution to our problem. We had to get down to causes and conditions. 

Much hatzlacha.
Much Hatzlacha!

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Don't slip it hurts
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--"ולא המדרש עיקר, אלא המעשה"
--"To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing." Mark Twain
--"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking (or lusting), you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic (or sexaholic)." AA Big Book P. 45. Parenthesis added.
--You hit rock bottom when you decide to stop digging.

Re: Day 1 31 Jul 2017 22:26 #318143

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Good luck on your journey
This site was just released it might help you get over your youtube needs
www.hidabroot.org/tube

Re: Day 1 01 Aug 2017 04:50 #318161

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 Welcome! May our Father grant you success, especially in this struggle to remain pure. 

 filters:
 for my android phone I'm using Gentech. 
 for Windows I'm using k9.

 With regards to YouTube, it took me a long time to realize that for me, it wasn't worth it to have YouTube available. It's blocked on all of my devices
Last Edit: 01 Aug 2017 04:54 by bb0212. Reason: system was broken

Re: Day 1 01 Aug 2017 05:06 #318162

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I am also new here- but been struggling for a loooooong time!
i'm finding ways to feel the love that i need to feel.
I have found that there are real urges, and untrue urges. 

it's true that I need to feel loved.

it's not true that I am unloved!

i am very loved- Hashem, me, my family-

is that any help?

much, much Hazlocha.
You can succeed.
We will succeed.
Hashem wants us to succeed.
The only question is how much time, and how much of our success is ours.
thinking of you, and everyone on their journeys.

Re: Day 1 02 Aug 2017 21:12 #318231

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Welcome!  You have come to the right place.  Check out the handbook.  Keep posting on the forum.  You were involved with girls for a long time.  That makes it harder to give it up.  It can be done here.  There are people on this site that were addicted for decades and are now clean for years.  It can be done.  NEVER EVER GIVE UP!  Keep posting.  You can learn a lot here.  A mentor, rebbi, friend is of infinate value in the recovery process.  Someone you can be open with.

I wish you all the best.  Keep posting!

Re: Day 1 14 Aug 2017 13:35 #318751

  • getthere
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a bit late, but still welcome.
How are you doing? It helped me alot to keep posting about my urges and solutions, it keeps reminding me of what i have to do.
So, keep posting and let us know how its going by you

Re: Day 1 14 Aug 2017 16:12 #318759

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GrowStrong wrote on 31 Jul 2017 22:26:
Good luck on your journey
This site was just released it might help you get over your youtube needs
www.hidabroot.org/tube

Thanks so much. This does help, although I'm not sure it has everything I am looking for. But we have to make sacrifices for more important things I suppose...

getthere wrote on 14 Aug 2017 13:35:
a bit late, but still welcome.
How are you doing? It helped me alot to keep posting about my urges and solutions, it keeps reminding me of what i have to do.
So, keep posting and let us know how its going by you

Just hit my first week clean. First time for as long as I can remember... I thought it would feel better but it is only getting harder now. 

Re: Day 1 14 Aug 2017 20:30 #318785

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It seems like you're a growing person who's willing to work hard. if you stick around here, you will find many tools, including the ones that will help you succeed.
Hatzlacha!
clever signature goes here

Re: Day 1 15 Aug 2017 03:44 #318798

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LoTaturu wrote on 14 Aug 2017 16:12:

GrowStrong wrote on 31 Jul 2017 22:26:
Good luck on your journey
This site was just released it might help you get over your youtube needs
www.hidabroot.org/tube

Thanks so much. This does help, although I'm not sure it has everything I am looking for. But we have to make sacrifices for more important things I suppose...

getthere wrote on 14 Aug 2017 13:35:
a bit late, but still welcome.
How are you doing? It helped me alot to keep posting about my urges and solutions, it keeps reminding me of what i have to do.
So, keep posting and let us know how its going by you

Just hit my first week clean. First time for as long as I can remember... I thought it would feel better but it is only getting harder now. 

You wrote that it's getting more difficult for you. What's the biggest struggle for you? How effective is your chart?

Re: Day 1 15 Aug 2017 14:59 #318806

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Last Edit: 14 Mar 2019 23:40 by LoTaturu. Reason: P

Re: Day 1 15 Aug 2017 15:36 #318807

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LoTaturu wrote on 15 Aug 2017 14:59:

bb0212 wrote on 15 Aug 2017 03:44:
You wrote that it's getting more difficult for you. What's the biggest struggle for you? How effective is your chart?

The chart is actually what saved me a couple of nights ago. I printed it out and hung it up by my computer and my mind started to wander, I was having the strongest urges since I started really trying to go clean, but I saw my chart and realized how bad I would feel if I gave up my streak of 7 days just for the desire in the moment. 

I think what's challenging for me is that I don't feel like I am accomplishing. I'm now clean for Shmiras Einayim and Shmiras Habrit for longer than any time in the past few years, but it doesn't give me some esoteric elevated feeling...It doesn't feel like I'm winning any wars, it just feels like I'm barely fending off the enemy. I feel neutral, not elevated. Does that make sense? Even a couple of nights ago when I was really desiring it and fought the urge, it didn't feel like a victory so much as a compromise. 

Tool #1 (Stopping) can be a peeling period for many, when the underlying motor is revealed, since ESC was hibernated

How does your motor look today?

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Re: Day 1 15 Aug 2017 17:27 #318812

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LoTaturu wrote on 15 Aug 2017 14:59:

bb0212 wrote on 15 Aug 2017 03:44:
You wrote that it's getting more difficult for you. What's the biggest struggle for you? How effective is your chart?

The chart is actually what saved me a couple of nights ago. I printed it out and hung it up by my computer and my mind started to wander, I was having the strongest urges since I started really trying to go clean, but I saw my chart and realized how bad I would feel if I gave up my streak of 7 days just for the desire in the moment. 

I think what's challenging for me is that I don't feel like I am accomplishing. I'm now clean for Shmiras Einayim and Shmiras Habrit for longer than any time in the past few years, but it doesn't give me some esoteric elevated feeling...It doesn't feel like I'm winning any wars, it just feels like I'm barely fending off the enemy. I feel neutral, not elevated. Does that make sense? Even a couple of nights ago when I was really desiring it and fought the urge, it didn't feel like a victory so much as a compromise. 

You're writing great stuff there! Perhaps the longer you're clean, the better you'll feel, perhaps not. Do you want to be clean so that you feel good about yourself, or is there another reason?

What you wrote about not getting an esoteric elevated feeling, the thing is, the feeling of success might be somewhat intangible, as opposed to when one falls, there's a physical sensation in his body that he can associate with failure. Did that make sense?

For me, I haven't been mz"l for 1/2 year, I don't necessarily connect to any elevated feelings, but when I look back, I remember how I felt disconnected from God when I was mz"l and I don't have that feeling now.

Re: Day 1 16 Aug 2017 14:31 #318843

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bb0212 wrote on 15 Aug 2017 17:27:
You're writing great stuff there! Perhaps the longer you're clean, the better you'll feel, perhaps not. Do you want to be clean so that you feel good about yourself, or is there another reason?

What you wrote about not getting an esoteric elevated feeling, the thing is, the feeling of success might be somewhat intangible, as opposed to when one falls, there's a physical sensation in his body that he can associate with failure. Did that make sense?

For me, I haven't been mz"l for 1/2 year, I don't necessarily connect to any elevated feelings, but when I look back, I remember how I felt disconnected from God when I was mz"l and I don't have that feeling now.

I'm not sure how disconnected I felt from God when doing these things. Maybe I need to be clean and experience the connection I'll have in order to realize how disconnected I am? But part of it is definitely how I feel...maybe it's selfish but I feel disgusting after doing these things so part of it is to avoid that feeling. 

Re: Day 1 16 Aug 2017 14:57 #318845

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LoTaturu wrote on 16 Aug 2017 14:31:



I'm not sure how disconnected I felt from God when doing these things. Maybe I need to be clean and experience the connection I'll have in order to realize how disconnected I am? But part of it is definitely how I feel...maybe it's selfish but I feel disgusting after doing these things so part of it is to avoid that feeling. 

Wait and you will find out in time how connected you can feel when not doing it, if you already feel connected now - than even more once you are clean for a while.
The beginning was also hard for me, until i learned that i really have to do it for myself, because i want it, not because my wife and not because my therapist and also not because of the Chart. just because i want it, and with Hashems help this worked. The Chart for sure helps if i feel down to remind me what i have acomplished, but if i have a feeling of 'what for' then also the Chart did not help me.
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