From a secular point of view i Understand why a lust addict shouldn't get married till he recovers.
But the issue seems different from a spiritual point of view.
I think the wedding canopy itself strengthens the groom and gives him more powers to overpower his yitzro.
First of all we know that a groom is forgiven for all his sins under the chupa and it's much easier to break the klipos (shells) of impurity when one is free of sin.
 the bride circles the groom under the wedding canopy for symbolically she is protecting him from the forbidden.
So in a sense the groom sanctifies the bride with a wedding ring and in turn the bride sanctifies him with her presence.

Dear Sheleg
While I respect and understand where you are coming from as I too thought this, still I disagree now as even after my wedding nothing changed I still had my lusts....and she did not appreciate them one bit....

​As for the symbolisms they are cute and maybe there is "some" truth to them but no-one I have spoken to has said this let alone said that it has helped them in anyway 

sheleg wrote on 27 Jun 2017 20:26:


You wrong about that  shikses flirt with me on subway. Maybe I seem like very friendly nice guy  girls will make conversation by me and ask questions. A girl asked can she touch my payos before. I explain to her it's not possible because I'm shomer negia. Kippe don't keep away gentle girls

Attempt to change wrote on 26 Jun 2017 19:30:

 It is good for us to wait until marriage. I understand for some people waiting is difficult. If you have difficulty that you can't stop. Please be safe. There is so many diseases and you can make mamzer. What happens if you get disease? How you will get married and explain to your kalla you have disease or child? A bochur I knew got STD by girl (herpis). To many bochurim meet with girls and prostitutes and now they have disease. I heard this stories to many times because we don't learn about this. It is not worth few minutes of lust for lifetime of disease

sheleg wrote on 28 Jun 2017 00:22:

For the past couple of days, I've been wondering if you're being serious or if you're just trolling. Now it's pretty clear to me that you're trolling.
Many people come to GYE to work on themselves. Some might come here for other reasons, perhaps some people just want to read how other people go through pain. But trolling people on a forum like this is just plain wrong. Go to elsewhere if you want to troll.

bb0212 wrote on 28 Jun 2017 13:19:

He said on his read that he's not trolling, so maybe that was just a defense mechanism. 

Please forgive me if I have the facts wrong. This thread was started by a suffering individual (Attempt To Change) who reached out for help. The oilam responded beautifully and advised he speak to a rebbi about the situation he is in. Mike gave him chizuk sharing how others have made it. Then we all got sidetracked and allowed this thread to be hijacked by an individual whose motives are not clear. Although we must wish that individual the best and assist him as much as possible, I humbly suggest that we not allow Attempt To Change, who courageously and desperately reached out for help to be lost in the shuffle. For all we know, he was scared away from the forum.....      Sheleg, feel free to continue your opinions/advice/mussar/hashkofa on your own thread - and know we are really here to help you too if you are genuinely interested in being part of our (colorful) family. Please forgive me if I have hurt your feelings in any way, or if I have simply misunderstood your posts.

Thanks HHM for keeping the headlights on focus ;-)

Thank you Chevreh it means a lot to know I'm going through this struggle with tremendous support. I have been continuing to see women from the dating app and have continued to have intercourse and sexual contact. It seems to me that I'm trying to fill in something in which is empty, which is quite strange because I'm a yeshiva bachur who tries to learn as much Torah and I enjoy it too. If Torah is the antidote to sex 'crimes' why am I not changing! I don't know where to conitunue this stuggle. I need all the help I can get. 

Attempt to change wrote on 25 Jul 2017 00:32:

My friend,

Any chance you can find a therapist to help you? 

Attempt to change wrote on 25 Jul 2017 00:32:

Your learning Torah is not the antidote
(Zimri brought Cosby to the Beis Hamedrash... and it didn't exactly help him, did it?)

Sanity is.
Real Torah imbues sanity!

Are you interested in sanity?

Did you check out the 20 tools?
It's on the homepage (I believe)
I'm also in yeshiva and i'm married i still struggle
Best of luck!!!
Keep posting!!!

Attempt to change wrote on 25 Jul 2017 00:32:

That is what we are here for.

Attempt to change wrote on 25 Jul 2017 00:32:

GET HELP FROM A REAL PERSON NOW! Really, you need more help than just this forum.

Attempt to change wrote on 25 Jul 2017 00:32:

Don't worry about what chazal meant. You can figure that out after you are in recovery (or maybe never). There are many like you here, so it is obviuosly possible to learn, and love learning, and act out at the same time. Get help. You are probably right that you are trying to fill a void. I don't think this is something you can handle by yourself. GET HELP!  also, did I mention that you should GET HELP.

Really.  JUST DO IT!

Howdy, ATC

Sorry to see your thread got delayed due to the snowstorm.

You know, first reading your thread I was really jealous of you. You sound like such a suave charismatic bloke with girls practically falling over you. And you have such self esteem that you can even go learn Torah all day after nights of fantasy because you have conviction for your own values and you know, deep down, what's really right.

Listen, get out your apartment and walk 12 steps. You're almost perfect, just a little insane. You sound loaded, too. Do you have your own successful business? Probably. I hope girls aren't falling all over you because of the dollar bills sewn into your diamond jacket!!!

sounds to me like a suffering individual who is tortured by his lack of control (who feels with himself after being so controlled that he did it in the bathroom?). he was moser nefesh to try to live a life of learning and is possibly second guessing himself seeing that he is living a double life. its our job to help him and continue to guide him to the road of recovery.