hi. im new to gye. ive been learning in kollel for over 5 years and im considered a ben torah. my struggle started when i was about 14 when i was introduced to these toll free phone numbers... until i was about 20 years old i would look at inappropriate pictures, fantasize, and was mz"l. eventually i stopped being mz"l and have not done it in the past 10 years. however, i still will have tekufos where i would let loose and watch porn for a week or 2 straight. although i officially have great filters, i find ways one way or another. when i cant get access i find myself fantasizing. i can have months that im clean but then i fall again. it really interferes with my learning and i feel stupid that people consider me a choshive yungerman. the double life is killing me. i dont know if im considered an "addict" being that i was able to conquer the urge to be mz"l but i am well aware that i have a hard time controlling my eyes and thoughts. as many kabolos etc i make i always end up slipping up again. i would appreciate any advice and help that can be offered.

Welcome brother 
Now that you're here YOU ARE CHOSHIV!!!!!

Lets get on track together
Check my story below

Welcome!!
not much to say
except you can be a ben torah with a problem
i'm an awesome guy with some problems (O.K. a lot of problems)
and that you have come to the right place (if you can call this a place)
Hatzlacha!!!

hashiveinu wrote on 11 Jun 2017 03:41:

Welcome Hashiveinu!
yes, you are at the right place, and just follow us old-timers! we are doing great here, so you can too.
my best practice was, working with a partner, he is great! and I'm doing great! just one fall, which just got me stronger, but I'm clean from any porn etc for over 2 and half months, having problems are not making you as a loser, we are all human, and we just need to work on our selfs.
hang around, don't leave, we will help you.
Stay Strong! Stay Clean!

welcome.

Take things day by day, even hour by hour if you have to.

Many of us on here have had long clean steaks, followed by a fall an a few weeks of a "binge."
It is normal...one fall makes us feel that we fell, so "What have we got ot lose by fallin some more?"

This is a trick of the Yetzer Hara, to make us feel bad.

Try to have a framework for your day as much as possible.

Almost a timetable, but not quite as rigid.

Know that you will study, and exercise, and eat and also devote some time to your own leisure pursuits..healthy ones such as drawing or music or chess etc.

Make time to enjoy life.