Like cordnoy said she is 16 I don't know what it will do if I confront her

I think everyone needs to just calm down with the advice that involves all kinds of ideas that have no basis in experience.

I have a slightly relevant story, but no concrete advice.



When I was 12, I exposed myself to a little girl.  A co-worker of my mother's came for a visit with her 4-year old daughter.  I was playing with her in the back room.  While rolling a big ball back and forth on the floor, I exposed myself while continuing to "play" ball.  I didn't say anything or do anything else.



I have felt guilty about this over the years.  I once discussed with a therapist of mine that part of me would like to find this -- now, woman-- and apologize.  The therapist asked why I don't do that.  I said that I can understand that I ought to own up to any developmental problems I caused her, but that there could easily be problems that had nothing to do with me (this was 25 years later) that I would get blamed for.



I don't know if this helps, but I think I understand a small amount of the guilt.

thanks for sharing

cordnoy wrote on 12 Jun 2017 20:54:

I know it to work for other issues with hurting people, I see no reason it shouldn't work here. Although this method needs to be taught thoroughly, so indeed you should probably not try it.

However, I really think you should contact Amudim. 

GrowStrong wrote on 12 Jun 2017 22:09:

Hi. I agree with growstrong and at the same time I gave advice not at all based on experience. Sorry about my advice not based on experience. Truth is I would take GrowStrongs point further and say that even advice based on experience should be given and taken with a great deal of caution. For example someone who is really sick does not just ask their friend what their doctor did for them when they were sick. And than go and make decisions off their friends experience on what to do. Because layman might not realize subtle differences in the illness, and what cured your friends illness might KILL you. Rather this person would have to go to a doctor who went to school and has experience in this regard. (though granted a friend who was also ill and can commiserate can be very therapeutic to talk to. Thats prob what main benefit of ppl sharing stories related to that of you and your sister is on GYE) I think the same is true in your case with your sister. Individual case studies may be therapeutic to hear but should not be what you make your decisions off of. For that you probably should speak to a professional psychologist who has both schooling and experience in this regard.(you might want to check what they do and do not report)

Sorry for originally just giving advice that I am in no way qualified to.

I wish you best of luck, and hope this issue can be dealt with in the best way possible and also in a quick manner that way you do not have it hanging over you, and your sister can get the help she might need sooner rather than latter. 

Hatzlacha, and sorry again

Mesayin wrote on 13 Jun 2017 15:15:

Even regardin' lashon hara, there is a huge machlokes in achronim how to rectify it and if you should tell the person (granted that the person might not know about it); kal vachomer when we are dealin' with issues that are life alterin' and changin'.

cordnoy wrote on 13 Jun 2017 16:29:

Agreed, however, in the case of lashon horah, that is only dealing with the asking mechila (forgiveness), there would be no other damage if I do not let the person know I said something about him/her.

In this case, his sister is suffering and she doesn't even know why, letting her know would allow her to recover and the brother-sister relationship would be somewhat intact.

Mesayin wrote on 13 Jun 2017 18:26:

Your opinion.

cordnoy wrote on 13 Jun 2017 18:30:

Yep.

Is it clear that she's suffering because of what he did? Sometimes that's not the case and opening up to them causes trauma of its own

Guys lots of points pro and against saying anything.
Think main thing is none of us know the whole story, the brother involved, or the sister involved, or have any experience in this matter. I think this only supports the claim that the only way to precede is for imganadoit to speak with a professional psychologist who can hear the whole story and maybe this psychologist can speak with the girls psychologist and determine how to go forward. (the girls psychologist might know if she remembers or not, and can help determine how to go forward)

Main point: The goal right now is to connect imganadoit with someone who has the qualifications and experience to help. Advising him on how to go about with his sister is not only outside our qualifications but can likely only have negative effects.

Also again want to apologize, I am guilty of having given my own advice on this matter which is way beyond my pay grade. 

thank you guys for trying to help
bh we have a good brother sister relationship I do not know for sure if is what is affecting her I feel like it is 

imgonadoit wrote on 13 Jun 2017 22:05:

I also may feel the same if I was in your shoes, because sex is on top of our minds and the cause of all problems in the world. Sometimes yes, and I know too well, but maybe not always as WG said

Others gave their 2 cents, here's mine

Hows the family dynamics in your home. Is anyone in the family dysfunctional... or other problems?

If the answer is no, then Baruch HaShem. If yes, then maybe that's something to look into

Regardless KUTGW!!

Markz you are on the ball we grew up with constant fighting between my parents there is a lot of trauma from that through out my family 
so the truth is I am not 100 % sure it's from me just she has a lot of social awkwardness now and general depression  and her moments of acting weird I don't live in the hous now so I don't know everything 
its very possible it's from me and would it help if I would disclose or would it be detrimental