youcan wrote on 22 Jan 2018 05:07:

Even I'm speechless.

                                                                                       

  :boom: :collision: :collision: :boom:                          
                             BOOOOM!!:boom: :collision: :collision: :boom: 

ieeyc wrote on 22 Jan 2018 15:00:

not trying to make trouble here but this is an interesting discussion...

I seem to remember a Gemora that there was an Amora who had terrible Shalom Bayis but he said that he is grateful to his wife for raising his children and for "saving him from sin". Not sure what that means, I can't look it up now, but maybe it means that she was there for him physically even though they didn't otherwise get along.
Theer was also an Amora (I dont remember if it was the same one) who was triggered by a woman in the street and went home and was with his wife.
So there seems to be a legitimate aspect to a wife "doing a favor" for her husband, its definitely "Bidieved" and not an ideal relationship, and also certainly should not be forced. But it seems that sometimes it's necessary.

ieeyc wrote on 22 Jan 2018 15:00:

Since you haven't introduced yourself and no one knows enough about you here, and base on your baseless last post which you deleted entirely, my suggestion is that therapy is the place for you to start. 

Until you start your own thread you will only be going downhill on this uphill upbeat place. Also if you'd have your own thread you'd see others here in a totally different light. 

How long do you wish to stay isolated in your self impossed
darkness?

 someone wrote:
" my suggestion is that therapy is the place for you to start."
sa or stam mental?

ieeyc wrote on 22 Jan 2018 18:17:

How could i tell you sa if you haven't mentioned much at all.
I would say social - but that's only because I'm a guru in socialism 
But whoever you go to, pull out all your cards / problems and bare it all to him/her, and say Mark sent you so you get a discount

Markz wrote on 22 Jan 2018 18:23:

In socialist single-payer system Marx pays for everything

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 22 Jan 2018 18:28:

Touche - Brilliant

phew ! thanks for clarifying, i thought markz was telling me that he used all of them

btw i wanted to say thank you for that reply with the spoiler -ingenius!THANK YOUThe following user(s) said Thank You: ieeyc

one of the things that id like to discuss with a therepist is my problem of paranoia-for instance i wanted to say thank you but my thank you button was missing , and a crazy thought came to my head that funny things have been happening to my computer since i started answering with a little bit of chutzpa, and this thought came to my head ,if someone is so smart to get around every filter, why cant he hack my computer? my thank you button is missingfor thefirst time (but a yid gibs zich an eitza-sorry for the yiddish-google translater is also on the blink     )
ill leave the problem with these creepy little stalking  green men  for a later time

ieeyc wrote on 22 Jan 2018 18:12:

was there sa in the times of the gemaroh

I have been following this thread with great interest. Obviously there are opposing passionate views about the issue. Since we are all so different i can only share my own personal experience in this matter. As some of my GYE chaverim know i had an extremely stressful day and evening yesterday. It was a challengingmatzav where part of me just wanted to escape under the blankets and act out. I immediately contacted 2 friends to share what was going on and BH instead of masturbating, i went to the gym and released the stress in the kosher and healthy way. However i still had some residual tension, so i figured i would finish the job by having relations with my wife. But my wife was exhausted. Yes, i was very disappointed, i even felt that "rejection" - which is the unhealthy feeling i get in these situations. Now, i could have cajoled my wife, built up her interest, asked her for a favor, or whatever terminology you prefer for that action. I know 100% my wife would have acquiesced. She is a true aishes chayil. And we would have both enjoyed it. And if there was no choice - if the drive to do an issur would have been too powerful - that's what i would have done. And yes, i would have probably felt somewhat guilty afterwards, but my wife would have "saved me from sin", so for me that would have been the right thing to do. Being that in reality i knew that with Hashem's help i could stay in control, i did not proceed with creating an environment for sex, but rather cuddled with a few hugs, which is what she wanted. Was i disappointed? Yes. Was i destroyed? No. Did i do the right thing? I believe yes. Would it have been terrible if i had proceeded with having sex? I believe no.      I would like to stress once again, this is my personal experience at this point in my journey. Whoever is reading this may be in a different matzav and may have to deal with this type of situation very differently. Six seven months ago, this mehalech would not have worked for me. At that stage i probably would have had to look at convincing her to have sex as something almost forbidden. I was not healthy enough to have the perspective i have now. And iyh i will grow more and maybe in six seven months from now the mehalech will shift once again. There is no "one size fits all" advice in these matters. So everyone should keep sharing their feelings on the matter - others should respond. From the kaleidescope of opinions, each of us will iyh find where we are up to and what is appropriate - with guidance from those more wise in these sensitive matters. 

Thanks for the share

This should move to the BB bed & breakfast section