Hello readers.
I am new and not sure how "vivid" is vivid. That is, I am not sure what may trigger in others. Feel free to edit.

I was born in 1963 making me 53 years old. My upbringing was rather stiff as  my father was very controlling. In the late 70's , when I reached puberty, I started masturbating. Unfortunately, my struggle has been ongoing. TV in those days would be super clean compared to what children see today but shows like Charlies Angels and Wonder Woman gave me material to feed the masturbating habit.

My first marriage started when I was in my early twenties and lasted 27 years.  My marriage starting going downhill after only a few years. there was sex 2 or 3 times a month and much mastubating throughout. With the introduction of the internet, words are not needed to mention the material that fed my habit.

My second marriage started a little after a year of separation. During our dating she was bold enough to ask if I see inappropriate material on the net and I was honest to say yes, although masturbating was never brought up and even now we never spoke about masturbating during our marriage. She asked to me to speak to my Rav and therapist and I did and she was convinced the issue was under control.In our current marriage we do not have a TV or internet at home, but still I  see things at the library. I told my wife i have a strong sex drive and would like like sex almost every night. She is reluctant to engage that often, but we do have sex 7 or 8 times a month.

My Rav used to take an active interest in helping me but has gotten so busy , he doesn't have time to reach out. My therapist is a "generalist" and not giving solid enough advice to help my problem.

I am hopeful GYE may help.

Thanks for reading

Welcome.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the tone of your post does not give the impression this is causing your life to spin out of control. Did something happen that triggered you introducing yourself here or is it just something you finally got to doing?

Hello 
Nice first post
Recovery should be with Hatzlacha
Let us know how we can help

Welcome,

What kind of help are you lookin' for?

Hello and welcome! Are you looking to stop masturbating or the stop looking at stuff in the library or both? Are you looking for A referral for a good therapist?

in the meantime, I would suggest reading different people's stories on the forum and seeing what other people have done. There are some very smart, dedicated, hard-working, and friendly people here who have a lot to offer and that many of us have learned a lot from

Many people would die for sex seven or eight times a month.

I think I would die if I engaged in sex that many times.

Have you thought perhaps about buying a sex doll?

Libraries can be triggering places.
Especially in the anatomy section.

Seems like toy store also these days

N, Welcome to the club

Welcome and thank you for posting!
may hashem be with you and guide you on the path to happiness!

Welcome. Please continue your thread. There is much to gain here.

Welcome aboard nerdy! Being that you didn't ask for any specific help, there's not much I can of that would help other than the following. Skim through the different parts of the forum, you'll probably get a number of helpful ideas.

Good luck!

Now c'mon, nerd! We're all waiting for your reply!!!

Now if your name isn't nerd but you well qualify as one, can you answer for him?

(guess why I am asking) 

Hello again
Thank you everyone for your responses. It's good to be welcomed and know I  am not alone.

It may be  a good idea for me to clarify some things and that may answer some questions.

GYE is a great resource but I am very old school, and find th e multitude of choices somewhat overwhelming.
My ultimate goal is to stop masturbating. This goes hand in hand with breaking the internet habit (slight pun intended). If I can speak to someone it would be very helpful. I am a bit confused how to run the Taphsic method. There are all sorts of questions and if this person can offer support  in this person or persons can stop a sin  in times of vulnerability, it would be great.(hope this answers bb0212 and cordnoy)

Here are more details how my life has gone downhill.
my biggest problem is that I am unemployed for a number of months. Depression has crept in  Instead of doing of a job search at the library for hours and hours, I am not motivated. I do job search a fraction of the time and waste a lot of time doing sports web sites and porn. When I said "I see things at the library" I meant mainly viewing porn on their computers. The patrons of the library and many books and magazines are alluring as well.

My current wife has been patient in me not having a job. (She makes $30,000 and we are on medicaid so we are kinda basically getting by) But.... I owe 7,000 in alimony/child support and have 28,000 of credit card debt.) Although my wife is patient she is not a warm mushy type offering the kind of support and encouragement. I turn to masturbating as a solace and comfort.

Just today, I made the decision to go on anti depressants. I was open with my internist (non frum) and told him about my depression, masturbating, and a bit of dissatisfaction with my wife.He prescribed Welbrutol. (pardon my spelling). If anyone has experience with this drug, I would love to hear about it.
I hope this explains better to "eslaasos"
Question to "Trouble" - What do you mean by the sex toy? Is that better than masturbating by using my hand?

Thanks again