Hi,
My story begins over 15 years ago. I was a child, not even a teenager yet. I noticed an article in the time magazine about certain practices. I didn't go into it as my family was there, but the subject stuck with me. Some time later i decided to look it up, and i googled for hours trying to remember what it was called. When I finally found what I was looking for, I was introduced to stuff I had never seen before, and which I somehow felt drawn to. For years I went online to these sites, getting deeper and deeper. I did not even know what I was doing then, though it felt wrong. I didn't even try to stop till I was around 17. Even then, as disgusted as I felt with myself I could only stop for short periods. But I always went back, whether due to boredom, or some sight which triggered my desire. I have felt disgusted with myself for years, and have been slightly depressed as I watched my friends grow, but I could not as these images were constantly in my head. The only true reprieves I had was when I was younger and was not yet so addicted and my days at sleep away camp. Thank Hashem for that. I spent much time searching for anonymous help. I thought of seeing psychologist, but was too afraid that I might somehow know them or someone would find out. I am now engaged and I finally found out about GYE accidentally while looking up chosson class info. It has only been a few days but I already feel much better. I only hope I can win.

Welcome,

Mazel tov.

Good move comin' here.

B'hatzlachah in your recovery.

Welcome R. Hawk,

You are not alone, there is a group of guys here going through very similar issues for many different reasons.

You can breathe easy, you will find most of the answers you need, right here on the site.

Find some free moments to read through the GYE handbook if you have not yet already done so. Take some extra time to go through the 30 Principles of GYE

Of the many tools you will find here on this site, bringing the problem out into the open, out of isolation and sharing it with others in a similar boat is a great first step.

Read up on the various ways that many here have managed to stay clean for amazingly long periods of time by participating with us in the forum.

If you are dedicated to stopping, know that it is possible.

Most importantly.

Keep on Trucking.

Mazel Tov

How does a Hawk guard it's eyes

Markz wrote on 24 Apr 2017 21:35:

By not looking at his prey. If that's too hard, the hawk should focus on his pray instead.

Welcome! Glad you found us by accident looking for chassan class info. The GYE ads on porn sites are not up and running as of yet...

Browse around! Fill your toolbox with things that will help! Make sure they're not just all hammers!

Welcome!  You have certainly come to the right place.  Check out the handbook. Keep posting. 

Thank you all for your words, and advice.

Markz wrote on 24 Apr 2017 21:35:

With G-d's help, this hawk will learn to focus his eyes, so as to avoid the impure