Mazel Tov! Lots of Yiddish Nachas!!

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 16 Jul 2017 17:36:

Wrong forum
lots of english super nachos

Mazel tov! Lots of nachas. Hatzlocha with the stress and separation. You can do it with Hashem's assistance.

Mazeltov LK! Is it a girl? Shidduch opportunity nu? 

Keep up the battle!! May your niddah period be quick and effortless!! (ours was 4 weeks (3 + 1 neki'im) so it's worth davening for!!!)

Mazel Tov!
Happy for you. 
Oif simchos

Thanks everyone for your heartfelt blessings. Even though I wasn't active on the forum I still had you all in mind. 
May you all be soche to true yiddishe simchos.

Singularity wrote on 17 Jul 2017 07:18:

In the past it used to be a 6-8 week period. I'm not davening it should be quick. I'm davening it should be easy and I should accept and appreciate my wife the way she is. I have tons to be grateful to Hashem and to her. If I would have been the one in labor, I would never agree to have relations again. 

B"H, I can't believe it is over 30 days since I last masturbated, and longer for porn. I'm slipping a little. Thank God, I am not craving porn, but I do struggle recently on the Subway with guarding my eyes. I'm lusting after seeing some skin...
With Hashem's help, I guard my eyes, however I struggle with thoughts of just taking a quick peek...
Sorry if I'm just rambling, I need to get this out in the open.
My enemy strives in hiding.

I don't get around to updating and participating on the forum asas I would've liked. I try to read daily all posts, but don't have time to actually post or respond.

I had 2 falls 5 days ago. One at night and the next morning. It was inevitable, since I had recognized myself slipping and did nothing to stop myself.
I really don't know how to proceed, On the one hand I am making progress. My falls are spaced out over 30 days apart, versus in the past it was usually a few days, max 2 weeks. Additionally, one of my main triggers, stress, is no longer an issue. I went through major stressful periods now and retrained myself to deal with stress in healthier ways. 
On the other hand, I am still falling constantly. Do I need a partner? SA? or do I need to actually hit rock bottom and realize that my life is unmanageable with lust? I still feel I'm in control. (I know it's not true...)
I really don't think the taphsic method would work for me.
Any suggestions?
Thanks!

Partner sounds like a nice start, have you spoken to a rebbe or therapist?

SA may be right for you or it may not. Maybe speak to Dov? You could always go to a meeting if you want to try it. People wont bite, I promise (unless you sit next to me )

lionking wrote on 28 Jul 2017 02:47:

If you wanna partner with me, email me @the address in my sig... I've been thinking of that for myself, so perhaps we could help each other..

bb0212 wrote on 28 Jul 2017 03:44:

Thanks for the offer. I just emailed you.

I haven't updated this thread in a while. I have been slipping and falling recently. Too much resentments on everyone. I know I must surrender it, forgive and forget. But harder to put in to practice. I need to set aside a few minutes a day to reflect on my feelings and my responses to them, instead of letting the pot slowly simmer until it bubbles over and I seek list to medicate the pain.

Hi, lion,

It seems like you have a great sense of clarity about yourself which I'm sure helps you when you want to recover. Porn is definitely the sweetest and most ineffective painkiller out there. You mentioned in the past that stress was once a big issue but you managed to get through it. Maybe you can elaborate on what helped you redirect your stress to more healthy channels? Cause I am still in that ditch. 

Good luck brother!  

First of all, let me correct you. I have zero clarity between my ears. The only clarity I've got is how muddled my grey matter is.

Disclaimer: Please accept the fine print before I continue.


Regarding stress, I haven't got rid of stress and don't plan on ever getting rid of stress. I don't think there is any human being which can honestly claim they never have any stress. I have somewhat learned how to live with stress. 

Allow me to ask you a question: God forbid you get a deep cut on your finger, Do you jump around in pain, causing blood to splatter all over? or do you focus on the task at hand, and grab a tissue or bandaid and apply pressure to stop the bleeding? I sure hope the answer is the latter. The reason beyond this reaction is called a learned behavior. You have learned either from prior examples or through your parents and teachers, that jumping around in pain will not help you. 

The same is with stress, you can teach yourself automatic responses to stress. 
Ask yourself, what is causing me the stress? Can I do something about it?

For example: I come home from work hungry. The kids are past bedtime, just jumping around. The place is a mess. My wife is out of commission.
The natural response would be to get overwhelmed, probably scream at the kids, etc...
The new response would be to break down the issue into smaller components, like a triage system. 
Priority #1 would be to get the kids in bed. It is a waste to try to clean up when they will just mess everything up again.
Can I do it now, or do I need to eat something first?
Based on the above, I would either first eat something or put the kids to sleep, and only focus on cleaning up after everything.

If I have stress without a way to resolve it, I started focusing on healthier outlets, like deep breathing, exercise, etc... Some days I go out in the middle of work to take a 3-5 min brisk walk to clear out my system. 

Sorry for the lengthy post.
Hatzlocha Rabba!