lionking wrote on 03 Jan 2021 19:37:

The goal was to make your day. I’m never off my markz

Lionking 

nice to see that your active on the forum -
always a good read...
www.TorahAnytime.com/#/lectures?a=135533
I highly recommend this shmuz from Rabbi Kalish menahel of the Waterbury yeshiva ,
he talks about learning from the yetzer horaah how to be satisfied with little steps it’s really good lecture for us Gye chevra(not the typical chizzuk)
Im not saying your a perfectionistBut it does sound like your setting very lofty goalposts.

I-man, Thanks for the share. I listened to it twice, and still didn't process half of what he's saying. It's a great shmuess, but too long to process with a half a ear while working.

One concept he mentioned from Harav Don Segal, is something which I have mentioned some time ago here on the forum. ב"ה כוונתי להאמת. About sometimes a person doesn't have a bechira on the actual fall, his avoda is only how to proceeds afterwards.

Also, he talks about intimacy and physical touch as an expression of love. 

Really nice shiur, perhaps it will make it into a GYE boost one day.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Quick update, B"H, I'm doing ok. 

Hatzlocha Rabba!

B"H was very busy this week and didn't get around to updating as often as I wanted.
I'm B"H doing well.

A huge thank you to all of you that reached out to me off GYE. Advice was greatly appreciated.

Git Shabbos everyone!

I fell late last night. B"H no porn, just masturbation.

I spoke to HHM yesterday morning and he gave me ideas how to IYH succeed.

Last night I just didn't have a strength to try to fight. I fell asleep sitting in a compromising position. I woke up in middle of the night with a partial emission and my brain no longer in my head but down there. The urge to finish was too strong.

B"H I had a nice good 2 weeks, time to move onwards and not fall into the viscous constant falling cycle.

lionking wrote on 11 Jan 2021 15:34:

Thanks for sharing. 

Oh, his majesty, our dear beloved king, is voicing chizuk permitted now?

Grant, Thanks for the offer. Beggars can't be choosers. I was told by someone to graciously accept whatever is being offered. 

lionking wrote on 12 Jan 2021 00:42:

Ok, here goes. The fact that you're keeping a log, and holding yourself accountable to the group, is already a whole different situation.

Yes you fell, that happens to every single person throughout their life. But you fell while actually implementing as many of the tools as possible. You didn't go down without a fight. You fell like a glorious soldier in battle, fighting with a fire burning in him for the cause he held was just. You went down like a proud warrior. 

Now pick yourself up like a proud warrior.

Um...Your highness. 

Mr. General, Your Highness would like to disagree with your professional opinion.



I actually wasn't implementing any tools last night and didn't put up a fight. I didn't act out in a feeling of lust. It was more like just get this over with already. I know you would say I didn't need to do it, but I'm not rewired yet.

The battle was today, to not let myself get sucked in to the rut, and decide to continue acting out because I need to restart anyways. I did struggle with that thought twice today.

I'm not a warrior. I usually sit in my palace and allow my General's to take care of the battlefields for me.

lionking wrote on 12 Jan 2021 02:18:

Your highness, Mr. General would like to disagree with your royal opinion.

When I said you fell in battle, I didn't necessarily mean that you faught at the time that you fell. What I meant was that you've been putting up a valiant fight during the past two weeks, and even if you fell and it wasn't a mighty struggle, nevertheless you were in the midst of a war.

So yes, you fell down in the midst of a mighty war, even though in this particular battle you didn't call your trusty servants to assist in time.

You should always know that your soldiers are always ready to get down and dirty in the trenches and fight your wars with you! (But not for you.) 

                                   Grant

Grant, Thanks for responding in jest. I hope you don't mind my kidding around on my thread. I find it helps me stay positive when there is humor involved.

Keep up the good work! You are a true general!

If your "fall" happened as you described, in actuality it is not a "real" fall. (I am not referring to GYE "rules", rather to my understanding of reality). Waking up with a partial emission is completely a subconscious act. If at that point you "finished it off", it was a barely conscious act. Our job at this stage is to refrain from consciously masturbating. This subject has been written about a lot. It is extremely important to differentiate between the two. Should you have held back from finishing it off? Of course. Does it mean you "fell" from your goal of not consciously masturbating? I do not think so. 

My goal is to learn to not by default touch there, and to learn that I don't need to ejaculate.

It really doesn't matter if it is fall or not. Only thing I noticed is that sometimes there is a yiush involved on a fall, and a person feels like let me continue to act out a few days before starting again. That thought crossed my mind twice yesterday. B"H, I moved on.

Perhaps I should wire up my pants to give me a electric shock every time my hand goes there. I think it's easier to wire that up than to wire my brain.

B"H I'm doing ok. I'm trying to implement ideas which have been suggested to me by HHM and Grant.
Hatzlocha

How's the Lion?