Hakolhevel wrote on 28 Dec 2020 16:11:

You raise some good points , I would suggest something a little more simple .
could it be that we are still good people with a
‘nefesh hasichli’ and at the end of the day even if we fall we still want it to be less of a fall.
Think about the fact that any of us can easily get access to unfiltered internet- why don’t we for any strong urge ? Because we have a Holy Neshama that is fighting to stay pure( yes Lionking even you )

i-man wrote on 28 Dec 2020 17:04:

I am trying to explain the many ways of the Yetzer hara. The holy soul doesn't want any of this stuff. So the YH comes and says, oh we didn't do it all so your not so bad. 

If I wrote this off just as my Godly soul saving me from doing the real bad stuff, I may miss what the YH is trying to do, which is slow and painful (spiritual/mental/emotional) death.

That's why I prefer to skip out the whole discussion of my holy soul saving me from worse. Bad needs to be called out for what it is - bad. Even when it hides under a cloak of riteousness

I hear ya  I think both are true, I’m looking at the positive side.

i-man wrote on 28 Dec 2020 23:32:

True.

Though I think linking said no chizzuk 

I made a commitment to post on a more frequent basis even if I have nothing to share. 
B"H I'm doing fine now and haven't been lusting or stam browsing.

Weekends are harder due to a certain issue which belongs in the BB section. I need a lot of work in the area of being intimate without sex and dealing with the arousal afterwards. You can email or PM me for specifics if you feel you can offer advice.

A lot of good advice has been posted, I especially liked Grant's message about masturbating being considered cheating as well. I never considered that.

Overall, I'm doing good, but I know it can be short-lived if I don't work it.
However I don't have a specific framework to work on urges. Just trying to minimize urges will only get so far. I need a tactic to deal with them once I am struggling already as well.

Thank you for allowing me to share.
Hatzlacha Rabba

lionking wrote on 30 Dec 2020 00:36:

When I'm already faced with intense urges, I use a few methods. The classic ones of remembering the pros and cons, reminding myself how I felt after acting out last time and thinking about the actual pleasure, and not the blown out of proportion version coursing through my veins.

But one of the harder ones to attain, is truly understanding that an urge is nothing more. It's not a need. We trained ourselves over the years that a specific physical or mental feeling equals acting out. We think that when we feel a certain way we must do something to release the tension and quench the desire. It's almost not a choice.

That's where we went wrong. That's the mistake that causes us to fall time and time again.

Just like on a regular day if we haven't eaten for a few hours, we can go crazy, and won't be able to accomplish anything without satiating our hunger. Nothing anyone will say and no obstacle will prevent us from getting a meal. After all food is a necessity, and there's no way we can live without it. But suddenly on a fast day, we can go hours upon hours without having to eat.

Yesterday in between breakfast and lunch we needed that snack, but today It's not even on our radar. The only difference between yesterday and today is, yesterday hunger meant an urgent necessity for food that can't wait, but on a fast day it's just a feeling of hunger and nothing more.

This level of differentiating between feelings and needs is a level that can be reached in many areas of life including sexual urges. This answers your question about urges as well as pertaining to how to be intimate without having a release.

Once a person can separate emotions and intellect, and can differentiate between when something feels like a need and when something is indeed a need, he can start having control over many more areas of his life.

                                   Grant

Grant, thanks for posting. 
Even though I didn't find your post helpful, I still appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Unfortunately, probably due to my being conditioned already, I don't get such a low feeling after acting out and usually can go on with my life. Definitely not enough to b a strong con when highly aroused. Also, unfortunately just being an issur isn't a strong deterrent.

Additionally 70-80% of the time I'm not conciously acting out until when I am highly aroused, and by then my brain is turned off already. B"H, when I am conciously aware of the beginning of a struggle, with Hashem's help, I can usually overcome it.

I really need to train myself that nothing will happen if I don't release sperm, and I can go around with the feeling in that area without worry.
I apologize if what I'm going to write is graphic. Please skip spoiler if you are easily triggered.

Sorry but your moshal about food doesn't apply to me. I regularly skip meals and treat every day like a fast day. I don't remember the last time I felt I need food. I try to eat at least twice a day to be normal, but I don't feel the need.

Don't worry, I got your point. It is just hard to apply it to myself.

Thanks, Good Night!

lionking wrote on 30 Dec 2020 04:42:

...And Grant nabs the rebound, dribbles back to the 3 point line, he steadys himself, he takes the shot...and...he misses!!! And the crowd goes wild! AIR BALL! AIIIRRRRR BAAAAAAAALLLL!!!!

Lionking. 

Just trying to understand, if the issur doesn't bother you, and you don't feel like it's affecting your life, why do you keep coming back here. 

What about it does bother you that makes you want to want to stop

Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Dec 2020 14:23:

I never said it doesn't bother me. I said it doesn't affect me. (I'm talking specifically about masturbation, porn does effect me, but B"H I'm mostly better in that aspect.)

The fact that it is an aveira bothers me immensely. But the נעשית לו כהיתר is too strong for that to be a deterrent.

Thanks

Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Dec 2020 14:23:

This message has been flagged as Chizuk. This is your 1st warning!

Markz, you're funny. Thanks!
I meant the type of messages that people post about how look how good you are doing, etc... And to not to despair since look how many times you refrained, etc...

I know I'm not doing good and need honest to goodness advice without any sugar-coating.

lionking wrote on 30 Dec 2020 20:08:

Here's my take. I hope you don't hate me. I just simply care.

I wish I can lunge through your screen and grab you by the neck and shake you good and hard until you wake up. Your on GYE already for a while, quite a number of years. You are definitely super intelligent. You already know all the tricks and methods, all the insights and every idea that has been dissected to death on this forum. Yet you're still coming with excuses.  "I feel this way" and "I feel that way" and "I have to this" and "I have to that"...

WHY?!?!? Haven't you already seen the truth a million times? What more are you waiting for? Magic? One more idea that will transform everything for you? Another few years of reading endless posts?

My friend, do you want to look back in another 10 or 20 years and still be clicking thank yous on posts that "resonate"? Do you plan on still searching for "that" something forever?

You already have a toolbox full of equipment, now its time for to use them. It's time to tear yourself out of all this c**p! This disgusting filth!

No more feelings, or "ways I feel " or whatever excuse you can use to tame your guilt or your brain that is looking at you with horror. No more dissecting why you search for this specific naked person over a different kind of animal.

Just do. Accomplish. Change. Be a man you can look at in the mirror in 20 years. It's hard and brutal and torturous, but so is the status quo.

Numb, shmumb, Lionking.....Start on your path to sanity!

Please don't hate me, because I love you! Remember, I'm writing a story that takes alot of time and energy, just to get you to post...also you are really good looking...my,have you been going to the gym lately?

                      A now in hiding Grant

P.S. Assasination isn't necessary. Just negative my karma.

Grant400 wrote on 30 Dec 2020 22:08:

Sir LION our holy KING, sit back as our dedicated Combat unit is already on its way to take down this General from his bunker so you can eat him alive

Grant400 wrote on 30 Dec 2020 22:08:

Markz, great fun as always.

General Grant (I hope they don't topple the statue)

I Your still usingWhen I use that motivation, do I want to be that person in 20 years that's a Too