How do you send an anonymous PM? Doesn't your username automatically show up?

In general, never pay attention to anything anonymous. If someone is not courageous enough to identify himself, his comments should not be reckoned with. Your posts are too valuable to stop.  Hatzlocha.

LK can see who it is, he's just too nice to embarrass the guy by telling the rest of us.

Interesting,  when I read lion king's posts I find that they exude warmth and"aidelkeit", 
maybe someone is overly sensitive or jealous..

Perhaps I should look into Colin's Mindfulness program. A big chunk of the time I start acting out subconsciously. I need to learn to live in moment and really feel my emotions, actions, and moods.

Hatzlocha

i-man wrote on 09 Sep 2019 14:17:

Well I am both. I have a major ego issue and am sensitive, and as much as I fargin people, I definitely have a jealousy problem. Some of my not so nice character traits.
I wish I can genuinely be happy for other people. 

lionking wrote on 09 Sep 2019 12:34:

It is truly amazing how "well" we trained ourselves. Any time I am feeling stress "that muscle down there" tightens up, as if it has a mind of its own, and as if it is just waiting to be used as the release. BH I am aware of it and I don't beat myself up for it even if there is a slight erection, and honestly it has BH!! diminished in frequency and severity. I know why it is happening and understand that the initial reaction is subconscious and my job is to not chas v'shalom proceed further. For years my hands went straight there whenever there was any stress or emotional pain, so what can I expect? Years of touching and worse don't just get erased overnight.  Of course I hope and pray that it disappears completely one day, but even if that day never comes to be, I am at peace thanks to GYE and all the great chevra here.

Just a quick status update.
BH I've been clean the past couple of weeks. It is only Thanks to Hashem. I can't without him.
Life is extremely stressful. I'm balancing tons of projects and not eating or sleeping normally the last few weeks. Should settle down first day of Sukkos IY"H.
I need some extra Siyata DShmaya these days.

May everyone be zoche to a good blessed year.

Guys, you need to slow down a little!
I walk away for a day and you leave me 5 pages of posts to read... I don't have time for that.
There was a lot I wanted to comment about, However I'd rather grab some of those sleeping pills Markz offered. I think I'm finally craving more sleep than a sexual release.
BH, busy busy as usual.
Hatzlocha

This Rosh Hashana was my hardest one that I remember.

I woke up Erev Rosh Hashana, with a nocturnal emission. I felt terrible about it, even though I know I should just ignore it, being that I didn't do something to cause it, however it still feels bad.
B"H I was so busy Erev Yom Tov, I didn't have a moment to think about it. 

Yom Tov went through in a blur. Half the time I didn't have a clear head to daven properly. 

I want to share a thought that helped me through. I heard from Rabbi Fischel Schechter, that some people come for their own merit and Hashem judges them to see if they are worthy on their own merit.
However some people are judged by how they help others, they come and tell Hashem I'm not worthy of anything, I'm just here to help and provide for others, then Hashem provides them with the ability to assist others.

May Hashem help me be able to be a true servant of Him and his people.

I have more to write, however even the above was difficult for me to write. Perhaps I'll share some more of my thoughts at a different time.

Wishing all of you, and the entire Klal Yisroel a Gmar Chasima Tova!

You are the second person in the last few hours who reported (and agonized over) a nocturnal emission over the Rosh Hashana period. It happened to me a few years back so I know the horrible feeling to wake up and asses the situation - entering yom tov feeling lower that low. In Yuma we see how the Chachomim went to great lengths to keep the Kohen Gadol up the whole night of Yom Kippur so that he not experience such an emission which would render him unfit from doing the avoda. Many ask, "Are we really worried that the holiest yid on the holiest night in the holiest place will have that happen? Among the various answers, is that yes. Specifically now, the yetzer hora will do everything possible to undermine all those holy's. Zeh l'umas zeh, there always has to be a balance of kedusha and tumah in the world until Moshiach comes. We are working so hard to stay clean, and many of us, like you, are inspiring others by posting and sharing our challenges and successes. The yetzer hora cant stand that. He tries to demoralize us, break us, make us feel rotten and filthy. As you correctly write, an emulsion that comes without prior lusting is a complete onais, yet still we feel horrible. BH you moved on and were mechazek yourself. Take it as a compliment - he thought you were the Kohen Gadol doing the avoda. Maybe "up there" that's how they really look at you.

That happened to me a few years ago on the 2nd night of Rosh Hashanah , it was very confusing  and upsetting but I got past it and if if I'm not mistaken that was the year I finally started making real progress on working on these challenges...

I slipped last night. I read things which were arousing even if it wasn't erotica or porn, then I started to touch myself. B"H I caught myself and spent an hour and half distracting myself before going to sleep, so I shouldn't continue lusting in my sleep.
I need to be more vigilant going forward.
Git Shabbos everyone.

Slips happen.
They are part of the process of being clean.

You have shown that you have the right attitude and great presence of mind.

You should never be down after a slip...a slip shows that you were likely to fall but were organised enough to stop it.
So feel good!

I noticed the title of your thread, and then...

lionking wrote on 24 Sep 2019 11:56:


Sounds like a “Path To inSanity”
Idk how I’d survive like this...

I fell last night. I woke up in middle of the night so aroused and had a difficult time controlling myself. It didn't help that my wife is currently not mutar for an extended period of time. Might have been an after effect of thursday night surfing.

It is scary to see how the YH can lead someone off. I started Thursday night, looking up a pshat in a certain gemora, got in to a article which tied in the gemora with historical science, which let me to a wiki page on ancient Greek culture, and then to a Medical journal which I shouldn't have been reading. I haven't surfed the web like that in a while. I try to be disciplined and browse only what I need at the moment.

Friday night fall was very hard for me. Shabbos is usually an easy day for me. I haven't acted out on a Shabbos in years. It is not any Shabbos, it is also the first Shabbos of the year, and Shabbos Teshuva.

I felt extremely bad Shabbos morning. It was extremely hard for me to just move on. I so wanted to wallow in sorrow and be depressed.

B"H I didn't. The YH would've wanted me to do that, so I shouldn't learn or daven. I'm humbled by the experience and tzurbruchin, but also I'm glad Hashem has given me the ability to connect with him and IY"H do teshuva.

I saw a vort today from the Baal Shem Tov ZT"L, Yosef Hatzadik tells his Brothers, ואתה
אל תעצבו כי למחיה שלחני, they shouldn't get בעצבות from averios, כי למחיה שלחני, Hashem allowed a person to sin for a purpose. I just hope and pray that I should be able to serve Hashem in all circumstances.

Git Voch and a Gmar Chasima Tova