My dear friend, Yeshayahu, my heart goes out for you. That must be so hard, I can't imagine. My dear friend, your challenge is great, but you are even greater. Your father down here has trouble letting you know how much he loves you and believes in you for whatever reason, but your father in heaven loves you endlessly and boundlessly. Like you said, He begs you "בקשו פני!!" About you the passuk says "כי אבי ואמי עזבוני וה' יאספני", don't forget that Dovid said those words, and how did his father treat him, when he was banished from his home? My friend, I can't imagine your pain, abd yet you are a giant, here, growing, and growing in your knowlegde, in your heart and in your mind, that your Father in heaven is always, always waiting for you to have  a relationship with Him, He believes in you, and He is so proud of everything you do.

I totally relate. Hashem not really caring about me is a deep struggle, which recently is getting better through therapy bh.

Hi all



Wow, it's been a while. 



​I've fallen several times. Baby disturbing us at night. Not great. Very tired all the time. 



​Does Hashem care? I've no idea. the most I know, is that I should care.  



But I don't at the moment. Or at least, not enough. Hi nice to meet you. I struggle with those exact thoughts. The painful thought of Hashem not caring is so crushing and overpowering at times you feel you were born just to suffer. I totally get that. Just know, there really are others out there with the same stuff bouncing around their heads and it kills them. Maybe its even most frum yidden who struggle with it. We hear all kinds of stories of "I heard Hashem calling" or "I felt Hashem holding my hand" and I have trouble relating.

A great point I've heard from Reb Yossi Bensoussan: All those "Hashem held my hand people" still had to pay their utility bills the next month. THe handholding revelation moments don't do anything without work from the person themselves. Those stories sometimes don't do much for anyone except make them not want to put in the work, they'd rather wait for Eliyohu Hanavi to turn their life around for them. Or Daven at the Kosel for 40 days. Or donate money to Kupat Hair. Anything quick and instant to avoid the long hard work.

One thing: We say Hamechadesh Btuvoi B'chol Yoim Tomid. Hashem has to recreate everything, everyday. If he C"V didn't care about you, you wouldn't still be here.

jackthejew wrote on 23 Mar 2023 01:58:

Nice.....
I am a fan of this.
Perfect, simple. 
I am also a fan of the share from Yeshayahu and Bego, I believe we are here to be open and honest, Thank you for your openness and honesty. I personally find it quite difficult to share if I am feeling judged. I find that eitzah works only once I have asked for it.
All the very best,

chancy wrote on 22 Mar 2023 17:30:

Please put it back.

Thank you

Why? 
Anyway, I dont have it saved somewhere. 
That was from the heart. 

chancy wrote on 27 Mar 2023 15:18:

I came across this from an unexpected place: "God sometimes takes us into troubled waters; not to drown us but to cleanse us."

Mr Cordnoy,
I respect you loads for what you do here and for what you do to help others. 
However, it seems that we are from 2 different planets.... I never understand what you are saying and we have vastly differing outlooks on life. 
We dont see eye to eye on anything it seems, so it doesn't look like we are going to become friends in this lifetime....

Going forward, if you don't like something I write, just delete it with your moderating rights.

chancy wrote on 29 Mar 2023 16:21:

He doesn’t do that. 

Have you spoken to Cordnoy? Do yourself a favor and take the chancy 

Not sure how my topic became a place for random thoughts, but all good.

Cords is the best. he knows I think that as I've told him so. Markz is right. 

I haven't been here for a while but Cords keeps me on the "mainly" straight and narrow.