Hi all
I am a married man with children in myearly thirties.
I have had problems with pornography since I was Bar Mitzvah. In Yeshivah I was very consumed by my lust but apparently we are not supposed to say too much. I got married, thinking as we all do that it would settle down, and B"H in terms of actually being Mashchis Zera, I have been much better.
But I still struggle with looking at women in the street and the dreaded boredom at work where google calls me and I, regretfully, answer. Unfortunately work makes a filter nearly impossible.  
It really is like a drug. I can feel myself NEEDING to look right now. I still recall the soothing warmth of the Hashchosas Zera and quickly forgot the guilt and sadness that came after. I regularly fall at these times, at least with looking, but I really want to improve. I have been getting the emails for ages and they really help but I recognise I probably need more. 
Hopefully this will help.
I was just wondering if someone will work out who I am. Then I realised that if they do, it means they have also been reading this :-)
All the best

Welcome!

You could very well be any one of us.

Mashchis, Hashchosa, enough with all the 'Shchis (read it sefardi-like) and welcome to recovery! Or teshuva! Whatever floats your boat!

Hey welcome to the team!
Have you considered Covenant Eyes for your work computer?
The craving to see these things does go away just like the craving for drugs if you give it time and fill that time with positive things.
It sounds like you have done amazing steps to get this far!
Keep on hanging around and do a lot of reading of old threads and audio/written material found in the top navigation bar.
Most importantly is to get to know yourself more..
I wish you lots of hatzlacha in this process.

Welcome brother.

Youre with us

Stick around and you may be comfortable to share your name with others in good time

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!

there is no one as beautiful as your wife 
(how do you know i never looked at her)

Ah, chaver! Even though you feel a bit of fear that "someone will work out who I am", still your "im ein ani li mi li?" overcame that.

And this is the strength and weakness of GYE, rolled together. You stuck your foot through the door into honesty. Now keep going and things will continue to get better.

Now, writing information that will possibly give away who you are here on an open forum is highly dangerous. Anyone can be reading this, and some truly dangerous people do read this forum (I have met some of them, R"l). But with the general type of facts that you wrote (a tremendous start!) you are safe, really. Why, very month about 10 new frum men who are using porn and masturbation as you are and who are also about thirty years old with children end up calling me to talk about the same issues. So you are very far from alone.

Definitely stay careful on the open forum! But less fear and shame are ok.

Keep going, chaver!

- Dov 

tzomah wrote on 20 Apr 2017 16:48:

Dear tzomah, 

You may have a great point, but it might not be able to be heard by this person. In fact, it might be misinterpreted. It might be better if you explained what you really meant by this and clarified what precise idea (or ideas) you want this fellow to think about.

Just a thing you can consider.

Thanks for posting! Stay strong and be blessed! In regard to the times of boredom.... I'm at work bored right now! You can post on gye to try and keep busy!
all the best and much success iyh!!

Welcome!

Try the TaPHSiC method, it works wonders for people in your situation:

guardyoureyes.com/tools/taphsic-method

If that still doesn't work, you may need the 12-Steps and group support.

Hatzlacha!

gyejew wrote on 20 Apr 2017 18:05:

Brother I swear bli neder Hashem yerachem on all of us Taphsic isn't the first thing to recommend unless efshar vadai it works for you

efshar vadai it works for many people (bli neder).

Welcome! Coming here is a great first step.  Commit to do whatever it takes.  Check out the handbook.  Keep posting.

Welcome,

Eatin' Chinese ain't that bad.

cordnoy wrote on 20 Apr 2017 21:41:

I'm sure this line is hysterical.

Taphsic rhymes w chopstick.

That was your clue.