I've been trying to let go for some time now, during my college years i was able to make significant strides in shmirat aynayim and guf, i was clean for many months, almost 2 years at a certain point. That continued into marriage, but after my first year of marriage i felt myself starting to slip. I let my boundaries down, starting watching more tv shows/movies and felt more comfortable on youtube, unfiltered phone, etc. I think i convinced myself that since I had made strides as a bachelor, and now that i was married i could let my guard down. It was a very strange and depressing experience for me, i felt very close to my wife in our relationship and felt spirituality in knowing i was building a jewish family together with her. But i also saw my minyan attendance diminishing, spending less time learning torah, and i found myself slipping into looking at shmutz on a regular basis. Not a daily or even weekly basis, but every few weeks or so i would fall into the trap of looking at anything my computer and phone filters that i asked my wife to set up for me, could bypass. This has continue for about 2 years now and I find myself at a cross-roads whether i should be going to therapy in order to get some help working on this challenge in my life, 12-step groups, etc. If i can be self-honest, i can say my intentions are good. I want to improve, focus on torah/mitzvot, help my wife more and show her sensitivity and compassion, form and continue to develop real relationships with friends/family, be good to my kids and spend time with them; those are all very real feelings and a deep part of me. And i go for a few weeks at a time for the past 2 years with a focus on those things, but then when i have some privacy i fall and it really cuts me deep to the soul and makes me feel like a horrible person, jew, husband and father. Wishing all a happy purim and shabbos, maybe returning to posting on this forum every so often will help me connect to others going through the same challenges as me and find some advice/inspiration/collective guidance.

There are so many on this website that have gone through very similar things. Start looking around and reading people's stories, reach out to other people, and definitely see what talks to you and how you like to proceed.

Welcome sweet brother




now that I am a gye I try not to let the.guard down

Welcome,

Wishin' you hatzlachah

Keep us posted please.

If anyone who has gone through some therapy/professional help for these type of struggles is willing to share whether therapy helped and some examples how, i would be happy to hear. Considering trying therapy but looking for some feedback/context before i take that step forward.

Welcome! Why do you assume that you need therapy?  Is there more to the story that you did not reveal?

You have been successful in the past for long stretches.  What have you done to make gedarim?  You have come to a great realization.  You cannot afford to relax your standards.  I would think that making gedarim and being vigilant about them is a good start.  Do that first, and see if/how much it helps.

Keep posting.

brlife101 wrote on 12 Mar 2017 03:24:

IMHO (in my hangover observation) So far everyone that has posted on your thread has been in positive therapy. 
Maybe contact each guy directly? Gibbor120 too if you like

KOT

Welcome!

Listen to these sages' wise advice.

Checking in here, i just got to 30 days clean today which i haven't been able to do for a while. hoping and davening to continue in this path. i basically blocked all internet on my phone with the exception of websites my wife unlocked for me. this has helped a lot i think. Anyways, no need to dwell. Shabbat shalom.

Strong filters and restrictions made a big difference for me too! Keep it up and Shabbat shalom!!!

I had a fall this evening, was feeling very depressed and down and lots of anxiety. This is definitely an area i need to work on. How to maintain a positive attitude in life and focus on others rather than my own misery. Onward and upward

brlife101 wrote on 02 Apr 2017 03:45:

Sorry to hear that.

HaveI you made any decisions regardin' your first posts (discussin' next steps)?

You can join the mincha thread as well.

brlife101 wrote on 02 Apr 2017 03:45:


 Wow, sorry to hear about the fall. If possible, please don't beat yourself up for it.

Glad to hear I'm not the only guy dealing with depression & anxiety. Therapy can teach you new (constructive) ways to deal with depression & anxiety. How long have you been fighting the depression & anxiety?