Wow, that sounds really rough. I've heard so much of wives not wanting to be touched, scared, nervous etc and I thank God I'm not in such a situation. 

Well done for speaking it all out. It's like a step 1 and step 4 all together! Big steps! Yeah, when the stresses of life peak and it feels all is against me, that's a sure fire time to start lusting again! But hatzlocha! Keep on figuring yourself out.

i did not read the whole thread but from the gist of things our situatiuons are very similar 
don't have time now but i hope to read it and be in touch b'hatslocho

i have also been suffering with similar resentment my wife didn't understand intimacy when i got married 
and when i realized she had a real problem i lost it and slipped right into porn witch was one year ago although girls were always a problem and still is 
but as i gain from this it got much easier to come to acceptance that she needs help 
and that i can start helping her instead of wallowing in resentment and being upset at my in-laws although s/t is very wrong with them 
i realized now that to accept your wife is loving her and not the fuzzy feeling you feel inside but rather the acceptance she feels
 much hatslocho and gut shabbos

Try to jumpstart intimacy with little notes, poems, cards lying around with the constant message that you love, appreciate, and enjoy the company of your wife. These are things every wife needs to hear. 

Intimacy is a wonderful matzav that every adult should be able to experience. The peace of mind and happy emotional state it puts one into lasts way way beyond the actual physical actions of intimacy. Invest in it and iyh you will reap the benefits. Wishing you all success.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 Feb 2017 16:47:

Yes and I always rationalise we don't have enough money PG I will get my Mrs a little something today.

In your first post you mentioned that you now realize that it is completely your fault and not hers. I commend you on that.

I feel your pain of what you are goin' thru.

There are those who preach abstinence in situations similar to yours. It is based upon the logic that you need to curb your lust and work on yourself.

I do not offer such advice, not because I don't agree with it, but rather, because I know its difficulties, and it seems to me that unlessI one is working with a strong sponsor or mentor, the chances of him listenin' to that suggestion is highly remote.

But, what I would suggest, and this is what people told me, do not focus on junpstartin' theI intimacy. Your wife is in a tough situation right now. She is dealin' with a lot. Your/my own past/present behaviors do not help the predicament at allI. Hintin' at intimacy now might not be conducive for her to be responsive.

I'm not against cards, flowers, chocolates and more, but perhaps now is not the right time.

If I misread the situation, or there is better advice out there, don't hesitate to take it.

In the mikvah thread, you can read where people told this to me. I wasn't always the most receptive, but it was advice that worked.

B'hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote on 21 Feb 2017 05:52:

There's more to explain, but this mod has the right mode