I'm new. I thought I would never install filters, which was the hardest part for me, and if I couldn't do that, I couldn't do the rest. In my GYE e-mail I read "Psychological factors in sexual acting out" by Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin. What he explains/describes is exactly me and I never felt understood like that before but I did analyze like that (not to his expertise level and extent, but the basics). When I read his description of "soothing" oneself, that's what clicked with me and I decided I didn't want to let myself down to be a soother any longer. I went out and got the filters (K9 & NetRouter with openndns set up via TAG).

I'd greatly appreciate if any advisory-type comments to me (other than the short simple support words) would be made in the line of thinking of  said article of Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin.  That will keep me focused on the real underlying issue and not deter me by reading a comment that just doesn't apply and could make my heart sink. Tks!

Welcome 

great moves!!

maybe reach out to gibbor120 (check his signature) he's a sorotzkin supporter

Keep in TRUCKING 

(more goodies below too ;-)

Welcome

It should be B'hatzlachah.

Sorry this is short, but I like to learn more aboutI a person before dishin' out advice.

Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

cordnoy wrote on 08 Feb 2017 03:59:

Nonsense.

Do tikkun klali and Mikveh. That should sort you out.



No, just joking. I fully agree with cordnoy but use humour to mask my deeper issues. 


Oh, hmm... WELCOME! Hope to see more of you.

Welcome!  I'm also a Dr. Sorotzkin fan.  You need to open up a bit and tell us about yourself, your issue, etc. before asking for advice.  I look forward to hearing more from you.

Tks for the comments. Here are some excerpts from Sorotzkin that speak to me, I've used viewing of women porn and masturbation as a soother:
 the roots of any addiction are usually traceable to suppression and avoidance of some kind of emotional pain. Addiction. is a way to escape from [a] reality. too full of sadness. or too devoid of joy. Emotional trauma in early life may be the source of most addictions. The frustrated emotional need of a vulnerable person can hijack his normal sexual drive in a desperate attempt to assuage its pain.

the child doesn't feel comfortable sharing the problem with his parents. Since he cannot address the problem interpersonally he seeks solitary solutions for self-soothing which often involve acting out in a sexual manner.

Besides the release experienced via the pleasurable experience itself, there is the additional benefit that he is not dependent on (unreliable) others for relief.

 Sexual acting out is often motivated by a (subconscious) attempt to contain and transform [painful emotions] - such as depression, anxiety, aggression, shame, and fear - by turning them into feelings of excitement and aliveness, rather than allowing them to be overwhelming and depleting. The sexual encounter [usually] takes place during periods in which the integrity of the self is threatened by some disappointment, some frustration. The aim of the sexual encounter is for both a soothing and an obtaining a compensation for what they had to put up with or what they have been through.

Here's more ;-)

Hi. I posted more info but didn't hear back from you.

For me it's not about being a Dr. Sorotzkin fan. But rather about his one particular article matching me and trying to glean from that how to map my unique path to recovery. A lot of messages are not going to work for me because they do not speak toward the stem of my issue. I need guidance on that specific track.

I am also overwhelmed by the site and this has caused me to avoid it. I need guidance on using it.

Miracle wrote on 26 Feb 2017 22:53:

So take it slow perusin' the site.

For example, I am doing the steps on the blue beginner page and now watched the video. I was intrigued by The TaPHSiC Method and read what it was. It completely did NOT speak to my issue and becomes a turn-off for me. I need tools that help someone soothing their childhood pain (no physical or emotional abuse involved from adults, just strong emotional disconnect between my sensitive soul and those around me, which included being bullied in yeshiva high school and going thru all 4 yrs in fear and pain and abandonment by all Rabeyim who couldn't be bothered to direct me to help when seeing constant symptoms splashed in front of them almost daily). Logic tools like TaPHSiC Method and logic do not work against the emotional driver. When my emotions and past pain are recognized and spoken to, that's what helps.

Making rules and boundaries for myself never worked before which is why i didn't warm to big filters or even read the TaphSic method closely enough to think how i would take it on.
It sounds to me like you need to start with finding a therapist who you can open up to entirely and completely.
The excerpts that you pasted from the article the other week are very universal points for those of us who turned to p/m rather than deal with our emotional well being and core issues.
You may also find it useful to spend more time reading older posts in this forum from people who were living it in a very real fashion.
Watching their growth over several years is a hindsight and depth of recovery that us babies (to the forum) are blessed with.

Miracle wrote on 26 Feb 2017 23:37:

Heavy stuff. Sorry man.

Guess we all have heavy stuff.

With your rabbeim, did you expect them to notice you and your suffering? Unless you're wearing a giant red flashing sign above your head that reads "I'VE GOT SERIOUS ISSUES", I don't think they'd have known. 
And I've learned this myself from hard experience. Did you communicate with them? Perhaps do so with someone going forward.

I've been seeing a very good and helpful therapist for about five years now. Making good progress but it's a slow-moving process that's ever-ongoing.

The stuff the Rabeyim chose to ignore was glaring, couldn't be missed. In fact two once got together with me and said they would meet more with me and would talk with me and would help me. I felt relieved only to find that neither never spoke to me again. One died a few years ago and took that unfulfilled promise to his grave. The other split off and runs his own successful yeshiva oblivious to the let-down he created that day.

I did not know how to speak up for myself or pseka my feelings. However, the symptoms were loud and clear and quite obvious to all including the Rebeyim, who couldn't be bothered.

Sounds you had a tough situation to deal with. It can be very frustrating when people who are "supposed" to be of a more esteemed nature let us down. Remember that they're human too. They make mistakes and they have failings in their lives. The title of Rebbi doesn't mean malach. I know for me however, that nobody caused me to be the person I was. While many people had an affect on how my personality became shaped and how I perceived myself, there is nobody responsible for my problems. I'm responsible for my problems. If I have an issue I deal with it. Blaming people is not only unproductive, it makes the problem worse. I have a decision to make, I can be happy or right. I want to be happy. So is my father still very flawed? Yes. But I'm a happy person who's independence is growing more and more. When I was in therapy before I got sober I just blamed everyone for causing all my issues. Did very little. Now I have taken my life in my own hands and I do the work I need to do. Ultimately it's up to my Higher Power, as he is my vitality, but I'm in charge of the effort. If I didn't make a decision to become healthy and do whatever was necessary to get there then I would be nowhere today.

Hatzlacha Rabah.