hi everyone any ideas on how to stop rating every girl in sight every time i see a girl i automaticaly
size her up and rate specifics etc. by the time i catch myself i've got a full fledged opinion on every 
part including what she's wearing any ideas or if anyone else feels this 

Yeah, stop looking

II do that with posts.
I try stoppin', but I'm addicted.

Hey tzomah. 
Please checkout what I wrote on your MAIN thread

Stop looking is a great idea but somewhat unlikely. What works for me is to preoccupy myself when on the streets, e.g. listen to music, think about other stuff, etc.

definitley till then what? and what about my sister in law who came for a shabbos i tried ignoring her as much as possible but i don't want to get cholent on my nose

If you get cholent on your nose she'll think you're weird and she'll never want you so you can get rid of that fantasy...

360gye wrote on 22 Jan 2017 18:24:

I must have taken a wrong turning and got lost. What website are we on again?

thats what happens when you stop looking:grinning:

Watson wrote on 22 Jan 2017 19:21:


With you. What the heck are you talking about unlikely? So is stopping from watching porn for most people. But what choice do we have?

my question wasn't based on looking but rather a automatic opinion that comes even from just seeing a little......

"Stop looking" BY ITSELF is unlikely to work. You need to replace the looking with something positive, and you need to change yourself so you don't have the compulsion to look. 

Hatzllacha!

The question of how to stop objectifying women can be answered by not looking.

The question of how to stop looking is much broader.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

tzomah wrote on 22 Jan 2017 19:28:

Made me lol. +1 Karma

Before we get into ways to deal with the issue at hand, i think it is first appropriate to figure out what the issue is.
(and there is no need to answer these questions on the forum, just something to think about)
1) is the issue ONLY looking at the opposite gender or does it go beyond.
2) are there different situations where you are more likely to look or not to look.
3) are there any past traumas or exposures that might have a hand in this.
4) there are a whole slew of other qustions to ponder, but this is something to start from. 

once you get that sorted out, itll give you clarity on what youre dealing with.

if all it is, is that youre attracted to the opposite gender, and dont have a real outlet because youre single/frum/etc, well, thats one of lifes challenges. the torah does not assur one to be attracted to the opposite gender, in fact, being attracted is a necessity in judiasm. the challenge comes from controlling the desire/lust until it is proper. dealing with that issue is a lifelong battle. look in the gemara and other texts and youll see that controlling the HEALTHY tendencies we have for use at the proper time is supposed to be present. if you didnt have those feelings, there would be a problem. now, thats not a heter for "hey, its normal - lets go to bais yaakov, and see whats going on!". it means that you have your work cut out for you, and you have to work on your shimiras einayim (guarding your eyes). when the torah says "ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם", its talking to everyone. either through learning mussar (and not the "youre gonna burn in hell" kind, but the kind where you get perspective on life and your mission here), getting close with a rebbi, finding a good social group, internet filters, etc etc etc, you build up a defense against the improper thoughts.

if the problem is a serious addiction or is a result of different traumas youve experienced, coming to GYE is an excellent step on the road to recovery. i would encourage you to share your full story, and try to get perspective on what the community has to say. that doesnt mean you have to accept everything everyone says. the only person that will ultimately be your savior is you. just get perspective on who you are and where you are holding with your life, and hopefully that will give you clarity to seek out the best path for recovery.

B'hatzlacha.