hi all dear friends i haven"t been here in awhile and part was very good and part i was trying to beat the system with little stuff that turned into bigger stuff obviously but i realised i got stop stressing on this topic too (for me) bec. part of my problem is the obsessive thoughts
i started learning the sefer hachshoras h'avreichim by the piascezna he teaches you how to train your mind
i am at 0 days today but i feel like i have lots of new energy and calm
for me calm is key #1
i am learning that i am not in charge and my marriage is not up to me as i am married to a person and not a.......
i hope to check in again soon but not too often as i can't stress myself out
i wonder if anyone feels the same 

Very honest of you to post. Piasezna was my sefer for many years. Very powerful and very deep. Lots to say about his mehalech.

  hello all my friends i don't know if anyone even remembers me as i wasn't here in a while my highs are b"h higher but my lows unfoutanrtly lower today i fell in a way that i am too embarrased to say
i am even feeling cold to it 
but i realise there is no other way than to work at it 
alot happened in my life in the last few months at times i am calmer  than i ever was 
but at times.........
i left a very pressured kollel to eliminate tension in my life
and b"h my wife is getting much better
but i still can't get a hold of myself  
i can't come here often cuz that means i am already starting to fall as i end up in cafes
i think i may need an zccountability partner in israel that i can relate to and befriend cuz i get very lonely at times although on the outside i am very upbeat and seem to have it altogether 
i really want to stop and have a heilige life 
the fall today is not sinking in yet but i must run from guilt or else i am finished 
i know my writing is not clear as i am very befuddled now
much more to say but i am too jumpy now
i also have a hard time reading long posts and can't really reply but i have been following along much of the time 
any ideas r welcome this guy needs chizzuk but not neccesarily drashos 
thanx

The most important thing to realize is that it is a great mitzvah to help oneself and it is very important the chofatz chayim once said that hashem prefers a healthy bal haboas then an ill talmud chochom the main thing is to be emotional stable 

You don't need Chizuk or Drashos

You need to get a life - take baby steps brother.

I think I remember you, but not your whole story.  Welcome back.  Don't be a stranger.

Welcome back. It's been a while. Hatzlocha.

tired tired tired 
going to sleep ahah and not..............

the passed 2 days i wasn't feeling well so the tricks on my mind start just go etc. 
i did go 2 days ago to watch movies(still hard to over come but i am not letting it get me down and feel guilty or else i'll be doing worse things i am making that my next step)
anyways i went to sleep yesterday by bein hsedorim and woke totally uninterested in learning and there was this voice telling me just do it go watch porn the whole afternoon 
then my chavrusa called asking me should i pick u up 
i said nah i don't think i am gonna make it today
slowly i got and i was gonna go watch i was standing in front of my building thinking witch way should i go
and i am thinking this is the struggle you don't need to go nothing will happen to you you wont miss a thing if you dont go and even if you dont learn well today you"ll feel great later that you just picked the right thing 
so i called my chavrusa and we didnt learn most of the time like i though but we learnt for 45 min and then i stayed to learn with another guy 
after that i was feeling pretty good 
and although i still went to watch a movie (not porn)
i still came home feeling i did something new and that i will be able to slowly do this 

It's decisions like that that separate the men from the boys. It takes tremendous gevura when at that crossroad with the urge pulling inexorably in that pain numbing, calming direction. By yanking yourself out of there you displayed incredible self control. On top of that you learned with 2 chavrusos which is b'geder "ain lo'hem shiur". There is no question that acts of mesiras nefesh like what you did appear in shomayim similar to Yosef Hatzaddik's. In our times to pull away from that easy downhill slide is an inspiration for all. May Hashem stand at your side (and by all of us) as it says in this week's haftorah. 

thank you hhm your comments keep us and me going(to seder)

i don't need to feel good that i didn't act out rather i feel good and that's why i didn't act out

i fell
stress
not feeling good about myself

Sorry to hear about your fall
​you are n inspiration to many and your honesty will get you over the  bump in the road

KOMTNMW

hashem please help me stop this 
i want to i need to 
help me as i cannot help myself