hi this is tzomah now that i'm getting alittle used to this one week maybe ican open up as akid my parents were a little messed up lots of screaming and fighting and i would soothe myself by mastrubating and playing with myself while fantasizing about any girl i happened to have seen that day or my 2 cousins i did this from when i was akid almost till i got married feeling guilty all the time except if i was learning really well and connecting to hashem i would sometimes be able to hold off for the most a month but at times i would go crazy and have such strong urges that i did quite some crazy things to get my fix 
       after i got married i stopped but inow realize that i was really using my wife igot obessed with her and her sexual abilites or lack of and being from a closed home she didn't  know much and i expecting who knows what mainly that she be and act like a fantasy i tried controlling myself but really i was subconciosly manipulating her to be some one else and for atime it worked like 2and ahalf years until her compulsive issues came out  and then i realized she wasn't even capable of fullfilling the fantasy then ibasicaly collapsed and slowly got in to the internet before you know it porn for a year till one week ago i decided enough is enough found gye and am trying to kick this compulsive habit this is the first time i am making a real confession so any comments or chizuk  would surely help as i get  thes compulsive feelings when i turn around and see a hot girl i also start feeling guilty about how prust i can be  

Hi this is Karl

Karl! Pleased to meet you.

Tzomah, welcome aboard.

Welcome Tzomah,

Sorry if this comes off as being mean, but would you be able to give a little more of an introduction to yourself?
I know it's hard opening up about this so i am sorry, but it would be beneficial to have more of an intro

Welcome!  Nice to have you with us.

Come guys, let's bombard this thread with welcomes, squeeze more out of him!

Oh, and welcome :-)

Hey Tzomah

Its better sometimes to stick to one thread. Maybe this is better

I noticed you edited your initial post in this thread after everyone passed it

Better simply write a new post on this thread with your updates and story biography

KOP

Welcome tzomah. You're in a great place. Just keep writing and sharing - and start realizing you are a great person for confronting the issue. With Hashem's help you are going to pull through and become a happy individual. Iyh your marriage will have new meaning - just stay with us!

i just had a fall i went to surf youtube for girly videos for a couple of miutes witch turned to porn 
but i caught myself within 20 seconds closed my eyes and came right here is tha a fall or a victory?

tzomah wrote on 25 Jan 2017 16:30:


Whichever will help you better in your recovery

I must have been in a rush when I first replied to your post.  I can relate to much of what you wrote.  Using masturbation to soothe other problems, manipulating wife, and most importantly - coming to GYE!  A lot has changed for the better since I came, I hope it will for you too!

tzomah wrote on 25 Jan 2017 16:30:

Your gevura is incredible! To shut your eyes and come here for help. Wow! Obviously stay away from the nisayon next time. Best would be to install the appropriate filters and avoid these issues in the first place.

tzomah wrote on 25 Jan 2017 16:30:

First, you were sure; then you asked?

 either way, continued hatzlachah

cordnoy wrote on 25 Jan 2017 22:58:

In my humble opinion Tzomah needs chizuk, not cynicism