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TOPIC: My Story 11528 Views

My Story 03 Jan 2017 01:50 #301902

In a nutshell, lotsa struggle with p&m, getting married, thinking that divorce is my only option. Constantly needing a fix, constantly breaking barriers and crossing red lines just for the thrill of breaking them. Then needing to break them again, just because... well, you guys all know the story.
GYE came into my life when I was 19 and saved my life. But then I began to feel ok and started coasting along, I was ok, a fall here and there never hurt anyone, especially if I could fix it right away by giving someone else "chizuk".
Then I got married and suddenly it wasn't ok anymore... and then all of my different double lives sort of collided and I was forced into SA.
My life changed through working the 12 Steps. Maybe I'll give specific examples in the future.
But after a while I wasn't happy in SA, I felt I was wasting my life trying to maintain my sobriety and wasn't doing enough to grow spiritually in my "positive" sobriety.
That's when I discovered my Rebbe Rav Avigdor Miller zt"l and the growth is immeasurable. My wife says that I'm not the person she married, rather a much improved version.
Last Edit: 03 Jan 2017 01:58 by AvigdorBenYisroel. Reason: typo

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 01:55 #301903

Now, I'm not saying: "Guys! Forget Twelve Steps! Forget Recovery! Forget GYE! Just get yourself an Ohr Avigdor Chovos Halvavos!"
Chas veshalom, that would never work. I'm just saying that after learning honesty, humility,  and other valuable lessons, I was able to gain a great deal from Rabbi Miller zatzal.

So my plan is to share some of my thoughts on 12 Steps here, and then open a Rabbi Miller thread in the Torah and Chizuk Approach where I can share some of his chiddushim that worked for me!

Looking forward to hearing from you guys!
Last Edit: 03 Jan 2017 01:59 by AvigdorBenYisroel. Reason: typo

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 02:35 #301906

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I'm humbled to meet you, and can't wait to hear more here and on the pending Rabbi Miller thread

Im a chasid of his so that makes me one of you too ;-)

Keep on trucking with the speakers blasting!
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Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 04:07 #301931

  • Shlomo24
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This is bringing me back to high school. My Rebbi was a massive Rav Miller follower.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 09:00 #301969

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Hatzlocha Raba! Any friend of the Rav is a friend of mine! 
I personally enjoy the teachings of Rav Shimshon Pincus Zt"l. 
But both very gevuradik in hashkofa which I love.

Hope to see big things from you
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 15:51 #302016

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Very true, Reb Avigdor's teaching is Mayen Oliam Habo.
We would certainly be much better people if we listen to him.

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 18:10 #302051

  • YidFromMonsey
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Yup, read many of his books and listened to lots of his lectures, too bad he wasn't around anymore when I discovered him, sometimes I wonder what his take on 12 steps would of been.....

Welcome brother!
You're better than yesterday but not as good as you're gonna be tomorrow. - Harvey

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Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 22:03 #302089

Shlomo24 wrote on 03 Jan 2017 04:07:
This is bringing me back to high school. My Rebbi was a massive Rav Miller follower.

LOL! Maybe I was your High School Rebbe

And btw Singularity, Rabbi Pincus was a talmid of Rabbi Miller!!

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 22:07 #302090

I'll be posting 12-Step stuff here. The following is related to the first post on the Rabbi Miller thread:

THE biggest lesson I learned in SA was: It's important.

As important as your job is, as important as your family is, as important as your religion is, if you don't take this seriously, you'll lose everything.
Put recovery first!!
For some, this might mean taking an extended lunch break from whatever you do so as to participate in a 12 step call. For some, it means giving up an early morning chavrusa so that you can be rested during the day. (The addiction bothers you more when you're HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired- so stay away from them at all costs!)
The point is: Make this the project of your life!
I was in a kollel on my way to receiving semicha, but I was taking it too seriously and getting very anxious, this in turn was leading me to act out. My sponsor said, get out of kollel! And I did! I took a job, in the Torah field, but in a place where I didn't feel competition and pressure, and I blossomed! (Today I am back on my way to receiving semicha and it's going much better!)
If I would've said, well, Torah is more important than a sponsor... where would I be now? Divorced with no money not keeping any mitzvos and homeless somewhere (seriously!). And besides, I didn't give up the Torah, I gave up My Plan of being a Rov. And guess what (as unbelievable as this sounds), I've already received three job offers in Rabbanus -without my semicha!


I wish I had more time for this topic, it's very important. Bli Neder, we'll talk about Step One next.

Re: My Story 03 Jan 2017 23:22 #302098

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Who decides that it's important as religion?
Who decides that your learning plans should be put on hold?
Glad it worked out for you.

It is a powerful post.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Story 04 Jan 2017 07:47 #302144

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Very insightful!

I just don't want my yetzer hora getting in the way. Yeah, miss that chavrusa... you need it for your sobriety!

See where that can go?
Just gotta know myself. 
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: My Story 04 Jan 2017 11:54 #302154

Aby, welcome!

I like/enjoy Rav Avigdor Miller shiurim too
(as well as Rav Shimshon Pinchus shiurim).
Who told you he was a talmid? I know he learned in Ponevezh.
Did you ever meet Rav Miller?
He was very strong in his opinion that one has to have a personal relationship 
with a living Rav.

It looks like you have gotten your life in order now, Boruch HaShem.
So, why did you decide to start getting involved and posting on the forum now?
(I'm not trying to drive you away, chas v'shalom, just very curious).

Re: My Story 04 Jan 2017 12:11 #302155

I apologize in advance if this comes across negative. My intention is simply to understand what you wrote.
What is very confusing for me, is that you say that you listened to your sponsor,
took yourself out of kollel and away from learning, and made your sobriety and recovery the ikkur.

Then, you said that you weren't happy in SA with all the focus on sobriety and recovery,
and felt that you needed to focus more on positive spirituality, and again made that the ikkur.
So, you took yourself out of SA, and are now back in learning, with a mussar influence from Rav Miller.

But then you say as your main point that we should know that this is important and we should 
make our recovery and sobriety the ikkur.

Re: My Story 04 Jan 2017 19:13 #302187

  • Shlomo24
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cordnoy wrote on 03 Jan 2017 23:22:
Who decides that it's important as religion?
Who decides that your learning plans should be put on hold?
Glad it worked out for you.

It is a powerful post.

I appreciate this post a lot. The question is a very potent question and too many people don't ask themselves this question.
What works for me: 1) Honesty 2) Meetings 3) 12-step 4) Listening to my Sponsor 5) Not doing what I want to do 6) Inviting the God of my understanding into my life

"I can't do it, God can help." | "Everything I want is on the other side of fear." | "Where there is deprivation there is addiction." | "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." | "Stop stopping, start living."

My thread: Big Steps

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: My Story 04 Jan 2017 21:28 #302215

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Welcome!  Keep posting.
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