I have tried so hard( not doing it, ive read books, listen to lectures) so much to stop, but it doesn't seem to help, over the last few months I have been on hiatus, a break, i had a lot of stress, I picked up mass overtime at work, my head just wasnt with it. Then came Rosh hashanna and yom kippur, i thought maybe just maybe i would have a good start to the new year but no, that cant happen, the motzei rosh I fell, but it wasnt just a fall, I fell hard, then 2 days later and another 2 days, then Yom kippur, motzei i was good, but the next night, the nxt night i fell again, no matter how much i try it always ends in faliure. I'm tired of all my attempts and hard work, ending in faliure. So, It cant end in faliure if I'm not trying. So I'm quitting on trying to stop. yes it is something that has taken over my life but everytime i fall, I get really deppressed, and i cant have it, I fall, and an immediate flood of guilt rushes over me so much, I've punched a bunch of walls, my knuckles are kind of sore. I figure if I don't care anymore there wont be any guilt associated with it.
So, I Struggling Give Up.

"if I don't care anymore there wont be any guilt associated with it.
So, I Struggling Give Up.

"

so if there's no guilt, why the sad face?

By the way, I realized for myself from the onset, that struggling won't work for me. So I tried other things BH.  It's good to see you've reached this realization too 

I know how you feel. But don't just give up. Let's try to find a different way to beat the problem. Write me at teshuvahguy@gmail.com or PM me if you want to talk. Don't walk away. We will try to help you. 

Excellent!! You tried a bunch of things and discovered that they don't work for you.

So what's left that you haven't tried yet?

Reaching bottom can be incredibly instrumental to recovery. Good for you for having that realization. As Watson said, now what? I've been where you are.

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down.
i can relate.
Did you check the gye check list of methods to try and compare with what you have tried? Perhaps ask others what worked and what didn't.

B'hatzlachah to you

You are worth it!

Reading books and listening to lectures is in the "inspiration to change" department.  What have you actually done to change.  Inspiration is like a spark.  It needs fuel or it just goes out.

Ditto to Cords suggestion to take a look at the handbook.  Try to do something about it.  I'm skeptical that the "I don't care method" will work for you, but please let us know what happens.

Have you identified sources of triggers?  Physical, emotional?  How have you tried to avoid them? 

I agree with my friends above. It's true that failing hurts but that only means that the barriers you put were not strong enough. Tomer devorah speaks about the definition of a baalei teshuva and its relevence to a tsaddik. He explains that the world is like a letter Hei where most people are the the bottom edge. The tsaddik dosent need to distance himself from sin very much because he can control himself even if he has a small barrier agaisnt sin. However, all of us who have fallen(outside the Hei) cannot live at the lower barrier anymore, thats why we need to use the other exit, the top exit and go through a very slim path and place higher barriers that will prevent us from sinning again. You need to understand that quitting and hiding from reality wont change it or fix it. It will only delay what's inevitable. The guilt will just amass until one day you look back and it all hits like like a train at full speed instead of the current mini copper smacks that you are receiving. That's why you need to be happy because you realized that without more change you won't be able to move up and if you try to go back by the same entrance as the one you fell (the lower Hei) you will NEVER make it simply because you already fell when you didn't taste sin so now that you did you have even a lesser chance and therefore don't stand a chance overall unless you go by the other entry.

All in all, don't quit because you can't. You can ignore the reality but it will always be here. Instead become a baal teshuva that stands above the tsadik. He stands above the tsadik because even if he tasted sin, he is further from sinning. The reason is because he lives in a thin alleyway that blocks all his entry towards sin. You need to find the causes for your sin and create walls that will block you from breaching through. This might require you to use internet filters without access to the password, maybe putting yourself in an environment where you will not be alone since it would probably be too shameful to act in front of people. Sharing your story and phone calls might help. Engaging in shiourim/books that speak specifically about this issue like shalom aruch's gate of purity. My friends above know a lot more about all the different walls that exist compared to me so you could probably learn more from them then from me.

All i want to say is that you should be careful to use the tools appropriate for you that will make sure you won't fall again and don't be scared to go in the extremes when it comes to this. The Rambam z''l says that when someone has a bad character trait he should act in the opposite extreme to counterbalance his negative midda since one should always try to have balanced middot. An exemple of this when it comes to me is that i broke the door in my room so i would always be exposed. I felt like the fact that i was hidden behind a door could allow me to do what i want (my yetser ha rah talking) i thus made sure that this fake security will not be here. Many times, this prevented me from acting. This is one of the many things i did to help me which i won't all list here.

Best wishes, shana tova you should be proud of your efforts and dont be depressed because that would be admitting defeat to the yetser ha rah. FIGHT HIM, the reward is well worth it. Behatslaha RABBA!

Triggers, can be visual, people on the street, pictures, a story,memories, or auditory, depending on the conversation. it can be emotional, depending on my mood or stress level. there are also a lot of triggers at my job, but leaving my job is not an option too much work time and money, went into that. avoiding some triggers, I put restrictions in place on some of my devices, like i wont look at this on this new device, which has helped but, not to the extent i would like

I'm not sober because I restrict myself. I'm sober because I have a spiritual way of living. That way of living does include making some gedarim. But for the most part it doesn't.

Strugglingtomakeit wrote on 27 Oct 2016 03:59:

Does this mean you're back in the saddle?

Why don't you comment on some of the above posts? They were written to help you.

Shlomo24 wrote on 27 Oct 2016 08:03:

I'm sober because I have no choice.
i have very few gedarim...if at all.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Oct 2016 11:53:

Agree with the above. If you want improvement you need change.This is true wether you put restrictions like I advice or life a more spiritual lifestyle (i definitely both and don't see how someone can do it without both). According to your comment it dosen't seem like you read the above i would advice commenting one each part and see where you can make some changes.

 Hey struggling
im gonna call you A LIER 
#1-If you where giving up you wouldn't let us know. it's like those people that climb the Brooklyn bridge and tell the cops "I'm gonna jump" but they know their not going to.what they are actually doing is begging for help.so no I don't believe you.your NOT giving up
#2-congradulations you might have finally reached that point where you realize that your sick and tired of feeling sick and tired
thats a big step it took me a loooong time to get there.so let me be the first to congratulate you. 
now wake up every day and remember how sick you felt when you wrote that message.and use that feeling as a tool to find what works for you 
Everyone is different and this disease wasn't made in a mold and distributed equally.what works for some might not work for you.dont take a relapse as a means of giving up. view it more like a patient that has a pain and every flare up is a blessing in disguise because with every flare up the doctors can cross off another medicine,treatment,etc. With a highlight marker that broadcasts to the next doctor hey this DIDN'T work.
so again congrats you now know what doesn't work but that's not to say that there's nothing that will 
What you have to do is GO FIND WHAT DOES.anf stick with it.
Good luck and hatzluche rabba 
BTW the translation of this week's parsha is in the beginning hint hint

Meier wrote on 28 Oct 2016 14:54:

Hmm. Some good points have been made.