Good Moed everyone,

I'm going to keep it short and to the point. I am 22 years old and I've been struggling with porn addiction for 7 years. In the past 6 months I discovered SAA and have been attending meetings, albeit infrequently. I was engaged in making calls and keeping in touch with people for a while, but I sort of let it die off when I moved up to school. Over the last 2 months since I've been in Northern California I've fluctuated between a steady desire to stop and stay stopped and a hopeless attitude of "I might as well do it, I'm young, I can't stop, and I've got more important things to worry about." On Yom Kippur I re-solidified my commitment to quit and was doing fine until last Saturday night, when I had a lapse, and again last night, and this morning, when I messed up again. The energy of change is still in the air and I'm not going to let it pass me by. I was hesitant to try GYE because although I grew up in a religious household, there are certain elements of Orthodox Judaism that I no longer maintain as a part of my life. But my relationship with this issue is very much through the lens of Torah and that has proved to be a blessing and a curse - a blessing because it allows me the hope of Teshuva, and a curse because it very well might have been what made me start experiencing the guilt and shame that turned a normal habit into an addiction. But the damage is already done - I am a porn addict, and to quit I need to build a community of fellow addicts around me that I can talk to about these things, among other steps of course. So I am throwing myself out there - I want your calls, I want your emails, and if you want mine, I'll send both right back at you. Please respond with contact information or direct message me. Together we can beat this.

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom!

Welcome to the gye brotherhood, where we will open your hood, make sure all's fine, and you can KEEP ON TRUCKING!

Schwartzy13 wrote on 21 Oct 2016 19:20:

Guilt and shame created the addiction? I assume you mean that the Torah educated you to understand that your addiction was destructive, and that your "normal habit" had disastrous negative spiritual ramifications. 

I wouldn't refer to this education as "damage ... done", because blissful ignorance is rarely preferable to empowering knowledge. 

People in this wonderful GYE community are all focused on growing spiritually and beating this thing. Welcome aboard, and may you be strong and successful in this journey. Work on one day at a time and never, never get discouraged. 

Have a great Shabbos and wonderful Yom Tov.

Happy Guy wrote on 21 Oct 2016 19:44:

How do you know this to be true? I'm not doubting the Torah, but many people didn't receive the message correctly and for them the Torah actually did create the shame. I know from personal experience that many messages from my Torah education were idealistically sound but terrible delivered. Regardless, step 1 is that "our lives had become unmanageable" which isn't a religious issue, it's a life issue. Religion can be part of it, but many addicts I know will say that they would be in SA even if they weren't religious. So the Torah needn't teach him anything if his life was truly unmanageable.

Schwartzy13 wrote on 21 Oct 2016 19:20:

I'm a little confused. You admit that you're a porn addict and you had some exposure to SAA. Yet you come here? Are you here purely for fellowship? Because I would say the best thing you can do to help yourself is to get yourself right back into meetings. GYE, frankly, cannot offer you what the S fellowship can.

Welcome

Yes Shlomo24, I am here for the fellowship. I know that the answer lies in the program and as part of this renewed commitment I am renewing my commitment to meetings etc, but also I have found that connection with fellow strugglers through accountability/just friendly check up outreach calls is integral for me to rack up clean time. I am really happy to see how many responses I've gotten so quickly and looking forward to being a part of this community.

And in response to whoever seemed skeptical about my claim that my initial guilt and shame based behaviors led to the compulsive nature of my relationship with pornography and masturbation - that might not be your experience, but it was certainly my own.

Thank you and Shavua Tov!

I wish you good luck in your struggles, i command you on your action to attend meeting and do things to fight your addiction. Prevention is def one the best way to fight this, make it extremely hard to watch porn and try to keep yourself in places or situations where you won't be able to do it. I personally dont live alone and i broke my room door some i can never hide in my room and act our using earphones. I also think that resolidifying your root to torah. If your reason to overcome this is your relationship with hashem then by working on it you will be able to get closer to holiness and come furthur from impurity. This might be hard especially since when the lust comes your might put everything aside but overtime theirs good change that it affects your character and the more your work on overcoming general desires and applying self control wether its for food or for anything that could be negative the more you will be able to use self-control when it comes to this addiction. Don't give up, i love your positive attitude and im sure you can overcome this if your work on yourself!

Welcome!  It's nice to have you with us.  Read the handbook.  Keep posting.