Dear all that are here to help.

I'm turning to this organisation as I saw it advertised on YWNews .
I'm a chasidisher yingerman 21 years ould married almost 2 years. My wife is now awaiting our very first baby and she has no idea of my situation at all.

I don't know when my addiction started but I do know that from when I was very young I liked looking at non-appropriate pictures and catalogues. I remember as a young boy  I used to sneak in to my moms bedroom to look at her woman clothing non-appropriate picture catalogues. thats how I kept on straggling all my Yisheva years, I tried stopping many time but never managed.

I got married at 19 and half years old, then I thought that my addiction will finally stop, little did I know that it only becomes worse by the day.

I have tried and tried hundreds of times to stop but I always after few days/weeks I full back to my addiction. I haven't looked at non-appropriate stuff for the last month or more but I'm scared I'll full back shortly, that's why I'm turning to you GYE to see if you can help me.

Thanks
Kind regards

Welcome.

Excellent start to the year.

Have you read the GYE handbook? guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program

Hi,
I have downloaded the GYE handbook but its 112 pages and i don't really know where to start ?

Welcome Reb CP

i also used to do bedikas chametz searching for chametz / porn stuff as a kid...

Took a few years till BH I found the afikomon / GYE

If you want to see a summary of the GYE handbook, check the "Plenty solutions" link below

All the best and a Gitte kvittle

Welcome and hope you find the solution that works for you. 

If the handbook is too long, try the FAQ's. There's a link in my signature.
B'hatzlocha.

Bigmoish wrote on 13 Oct 2016 03:28:

And if the FAQ are too long, simply pickup the phone and call bigmoish. He's a sweet guy ;-)

Mr CP wrote on 13 Oct 2016 00:03:

 “Begin at the beginning, and go on till you come to the end; then stop.”

Hi. Im still new to the program .
Who's bigmoish? and can you send me his number.
Thanks 

Hi 

Hello CP and welcome! You are not alone in your struggle. It is not easy to reach out and share with others particularly something you've held inside for so long. That's already a big step. One thing I've realized is that I can't go it alone in this struggle. When I reach out and share with others it makes things a lot easier. Hatzlucha!

Welcome!  Your story is very common.  The handbook can be read a bit at a time.  It has 20 tools and 30 attitudes. Why not read one or two each day?  You will finish in a month or two.  It's a great place to start.  Reading and posting on the forum is also a good start.  There are a lot of people with a lot of experience here.  We know what you are going through because we went/are going through it ourselves.  Please keep sharing.

Hello. 
Whats your addvis to My Story ?
​I'm asking because i don't want to waste time on the program and then feel that I'm not getting anywhere . 

Hi CP,

Welcome to the forum and yashar koach for reaching out for help.

You described your story in rather vague terms, so it's really hard to say anything specific.  What do you mean, "it has gotten worse" -- are you looking at those women's clothing magazines a few more times a week than you used to, or are you sitting in front of your computer all day long watching p*rn videos? You hit bottom only when you decide to stop digging, so that could mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people.

Starting at the beginning of the GYE handbook, one tool at a time, is the best way to start.  Get yourself a filter, that's there at the beginning.  If you've still got those magazines around, get rid of them.  Sign up for the daily chizzuk E-mails, too.

Then, if you've still got a problem looking at inappropriate material, go on to the next tool and keep on going, one tool at a time, until you've found the level of recovery that keeps you clean AND HAPPY.

It's hard to say more than that without knowing more specifics from you.

By the way, you didn't say anything about this but I think it might be a good point to add:  don't confess anything about any of this to your wife until you're on some solid recovery ground and have spoken it out with other people here.  One of the worst things a person can do is, with the first faint flicker of hirhurei teshuva, is to go ahead and make a full viduy to their spouse, in the name of being "honest."  [Why, after ten or twenty or thirty years of hiding the truth, is a person suddenly overcome with an overwhelming desire to vomit out everything all at once onto his wife?  Such a desire is also not coming from a healthy place.] Such a viduy is NEVER a wise thing to do.  Even loshon Hara, EVEN IF IT'S TRUE, is forbidden; the question isn't one of honesty or dishonesty, it is a question of whether those words will be constructive or destructive.  Confessing to your wife all the things you've done (most of which she really doesn't need to know anyways) before you know if there's anything you're really going to change about it, is at that point destructive.  When you have a problem to share without any hope yet to offer, that is destructive. [Unless, of course, a person is at risk of carrying some deadly disease which may be transmitted through marital relations, in which case, recovery or not, a person has a moral obligation to inform their spouse.]

Vidui is the LAST step of teshuva, not the first.  It comes only AFTER

1.azivas hacheit (a real change in behavior)

2. charata (and charata comes AFTER azivas hacheit, and here, after long-term azivas hacheit, otherwise a person just wallows in self-pity and goes back to acting out).

3.  kabalah l'haba, and a real decision not to repeat the behavior.  Here a decision must also be proven with long-term success and REAL steps for prevention.  Promising never to look at p*rn again but refusing to install a filter is, what I believe is called "cognitive dissonance."

Then comes Viduy, and even then it is a confession TO HASHEM, not to your wife.  Your wife is not Hashem.

Besides that, if a person is an addict they need to view themselves as a sick person getting well, not as an evil person getting better, so it is often self-destructive, at least at first, to view this as some sort of teshuva process in any way.

But however you look at it, it is still unwise and even destructive to go rushing into a major confession to one's spouse.

Hatzlachah,

  --NL354

Read the handbook.  If you find some tools that help - great.  If not, come back and kvetch about how the tools don't work.  That sounds like a plan to me .