Hi.  Here's my story b'kitzur.  I found my father's stash of porn when I was probably 10 or so.  That was 40 years ago.  Since then I have taken care of myself at least weekly.  More before I got married, less after, but still, mostly of late when I am bored.  My wife was very against porn, so we put on a filter right away, but I have always found a way around.  I hit bottom with an affair with an old flame six years ago (we never went all the way, but we did a lot).  B"H, my family and I were in the process of moving (refuah l'kodemes l'maka) and we did and that lady is out of my life.  But it wasn't until I went to Call of the Shofar that I saw myself as anything but a victim of my circumstances.  I found that I am powerful and I am important and I really want a closer relationship with HKBH.  As He is Real she'bi'Real, fantasies just pull me away from Him and everything that I really value.  I am not a slave; I can choose.
I haven't taken care of myself since R"C Elul and had a very powerful R"H.  I am currently flying high, and I am trying to put as many things in place while I'm up here as I can, before the inevitable slump. I always thought the idea of a sponsor is a great one (I have an old friend in AA).  Someone to call who knows your struggles and is not judgmental.  I also have to recommend Enlighten Your Eyes, a tiny sefer on shmiras einayim - it is so inspirational!

Good for you. You are full of hope and optimism.
Keep posting and learning as you continue on your journey. Hatzlocho!( I am approximately your age)

Question:
Did the fact your father have a stash give you some kind of psychological heter all these years to engage in this behavior?

I was not raised in a religious home.
Once it was habit, no amount of hashkafa or halacha could stop it.
And yes, I think you're right about the psychological heter.  I would say that when my relationship with my wife sours, it comes very much back on the radar screen and I tell myself it's ok since my wife treated me so poorly  Which is why Shofar helped me so much - I saw that the problems in my life are largely (though of course not entirely) self-created.  

Welcome! I can relate to your post. There is a lot of insight in there as well as I see it. Talking to an AA guy was the beginning of recovery for me. One part didn't make sense to me though, it seems to me that your acting out progressed and got worse after you got married. You went from porn to having an affair. Maybe you consider that a one time fluke? Was that your only experience offline with real people? Did your porn use progress in  any way? 

(Thinking out loud) Perhaps acting out is a way to feel powerful.  I know I always saw myself as the weakling and the nebbish and I had teenage fantasies of being the big hero (part of me still enjoys a good fantasy read - the morals are clear, the battles epic, sort of like Yiddishkeit!).  The women I was attracted to were by and large the dominant types.  It made feel secure and taken care of.  My affair was with the first of those I met in college, who reappeared in my life after 20 years.  The second I married.
I wouldn't say my porn use got worse over time, but my feelings of powerlessness did, which my acting out helped sooth.  I am now standing up a little taller in my marriage, which is not always easy, for either of us.  But I guess as you say, one day at a time.

Welcome!  I think you hit the nail on the head with one line "I know I always saw myself as the weakling and the nebbish and I had teenage fantasies of being the big hero".  For many of us (and it sounds like you are in this category) acting out is not the problem per se, but rather a solution to another problem.  Half your battle (maybe more than half) is coming to terms with the problem that drives you to turn to porn etc...

What kind of help have you seeked in the past?  Was it helpful?

Shofar was the turning point.  Perhaps it is not for everyone, but I was PERFECT for it.  Since then I have done work on my own, and have recently turned to GYE for a referral for a therapist.  I have a name and, bl"n, will contact him after YomTov.

A good YomTov to us all!

Great move!

Many guys can do with therapy - me for stuff mentioned in my story

Did you read Rabbi Twersky on the Parsha this week? Many of us have distorted logic etc... Having someone give direct input can only benefit

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!