hi. i am a young 17 Y/o yeshiva bochur. i started watching porn when i was 16. i decided to filter my devices about 6 months ago because my addiction to masturbation started to get out of control. since then, i started talking to a rebbe for guidance but i never got a chance to speak to him a lot because i am always busy with school. for the past 6 months, i was struggling with trying to stop but i can't. no matter how much shiurim and classes i hear regarding the matter discussing the bad things about it, i just simply can't stop. i even tried at one point writing little reminders around my room telling me its not right to do and that Hashem is here. no matter how much i try not to think about what i used to watch and masturbate, i simply just cannot control myself and i need real help. i really don't want to start ruining my life from now. i still want to find the right eshet chayil at the right time and have beautiful children but i feel like when i keep wasting my seed, i ave thoughts that it will never happen and everything i do will go down the drain if i don't stop masturbating. no matter how many times i try to instill the good thoughts in my mind, the bad thoughts just come back and haunt you. i read tikkun haklali everyday but i just feel like i am going in circles because i always say i will stop and I'm gonna do yeshivah, but i simply can't because the yetzer hara is just getting into my mind no matter how much i try not to think about these things. please help me, i am drowning in the shmutz.

Welcome!

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Welcome! Wow, good for you. Give yourself a pat on the back for trying to get your life back in order at this age. I relate so much. Trying all different shiurim and tikkunim but still not being able to stop. One thing I like to say is to "Try smarter, not harder." It could be that you're effort that you're putting in is great, but it might be utilizing the wrong tools. It's very common for people to view compulsive masturbation as a religious issue, I don't beleive it is. If someone is really getting depressed and not enjoying life because they are compulsively masturbating than it's not a religious issue. I think that might be relevant here, because you seem to be trying to use religious tikkunim, which may help for others, don't get me wrong, but it's not helping for you.

About the bit of Hashem watching you, I also used to have that belief of God. I believed that God was there and frowning at me when I masturbated, he didn't love me. But I came to beleive that God, at least in my conception, loves me unconditionally, even when I'm masturbating or worse. So you're right that he's always there, but maybe not in the way that you think of. He's always there because you could always reach out to him, and you could tell him how you're feeling and what's going on. He's a great listener. 

Hatzlacha Rabah.

Hey!! Welcome I too just joined this site and it's amazing 
. I'm sure you will find it helpful as well. What u can do is maybe try to keep yourself very busy through out the day. Also exercise helps as well. Goodluck!!! I know u can do it 

It's always interesting to read about someone going through exactly what you yourself went through as a bachur. I hope it will helpful to you to know that I went through the same experience and I'm sure many others did as well. I used to put up notes, reminders and pictures of tzadikim. I would learn, daven, make resolutions etc and nothing helped. One thing I can say from my experience is that I and many of us as bachurim were very selfish self centered people. This is a concept that many people (who are in fact this way) will not accept about themselves, because they are otherwise good, caring and giving people. I was probably known as a very giving and helpful person and completely not selfish. The fact was (and still is when I don't work on it) that my motivations were instinctively selfish. I don't want to sound harsh but i see that very much in your comment. What I have learned is that the truth is that it doesn't really matter. What matters is how I act. And the first step is stop masturbating, because it is perhaps one of the single most selfish, self gratifying acts I can do. If I act selfishly, I will be selfish. I have to stop thinking about myself and what I want and what my will is and just focus on doing the next right thing.

The fact is that I was at a point (and to some extent may still be) that in my perfect world there is nothing wrong with maturbation; that it won't effect my wife, my learning, my davening, my attitudes, my spirituality, my choices, my children.  I wish I could watch porn three hours a day and masturbate and all would be well with my life.  I've come to accept that for me that is not possible. When I act out it ruins my life and I have no control over it, so therefore I can't do it. So how does a self gratifying person like me stop. I make stopping the single most important thing in my life and I put nothing in front of it. I ask God to help me and I put myself in his care. I take a moral inventory of my life and look at every upsetting thing and see what about myself is the factor in the upset. I discuss my inventory with another person, God and myself and then I turn my character defects over to God. I make amends to those I have wronged and I start helping others. It isn't about me anymore. 

Another thing that I must accept in order to stay sober is that sex is optional. I do not need it. I won't die or burst without it and I have the choice to do it or not. What I do need is to have a fulfilling life.

Correction per the Desperados call, I made a decision to place myself in His care. In the words of the actual step, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.". It's not an action step whereby we turn our lives over to the care of God. The step is to make the decision to do so. Any questions, ask Dov. 

Welcome!  I know the feeling.  The problem is that knowing what is right is not the same as doing what is right.  What types of things trigger you?  I don't just mean physical things, but what feelings usually preceed a fall?  Lonliness, depression, anger, resentment.  These can all fuel acting out.  Check out the handbook, and keep posting!