I will try a group when I get back home (to Israel). Right now I am in the Asia Pacific area working until late September. It is REALLY hard for my wife. What cn I say to my wife to make her feel better, nothing. We are far from home and while I am at work, she has no one to talk to. How can I make her "happy"? I can not.I have hurt her in the worst way. She is shattered when she thought things were going well. She just sees out "time together" as fantasy. I have let her down. She looked at the spouses forum, but she didn't think it is for her. She is a therapist! She is totally wounded. When we get home she will seek out therapy for herself so she can clarify for herself how she wants to proceed with her life; to stay married or to divorce. How can she ever trust me again! This is very painful. I want to stay together, but at least for now she doesn't want couples therapy. To breakup a half century of a relation would not be easy. She has heard the promises before and I have failed. I KNOW that I need to make changes, but it may be too late.

Dooby,
Yes, it is hard.  But nothing is too hard for Hashem.Easy for Hashem, but hard for those of "us" who want to change ( for the better). . So keep turning the fight over to Him.  

Regarding the relationship, I went through a similar falling out with my wife a few years ago. We went through a similar time a year ago, then I faltered again so my wife's tolerance is on the wane. We are together, but the relations are cordial but it's like standing on ground zero. It took a while, but B"H our relationship is  stronger than ever now.  Do your part by recovering and the rest will fall into place.  Obsessing over what we've done to our spouses, or that they don't love us anymore, or pushing for closeness -- none of these are helpful.

Like Doc says above, the guilt and feeling sorry for yourself is coming from the Y"H.  He wants you to give it all up and have a porn party with him.  He's terrified you will succeed.  Something very positive is happening in your life.  You've started recovery.

Just like you're keeping away from lust one day at a time, you also need to give the relationship space one day at a time.  "Being divorced is miserable and your wife knows it.  The devil we know is usually better than the devil we don't". Agreed! I don't want to go there. We have seen several friends in the last couple of years who divorsed after years of marriage.

Daven for your sobriety and daven for the relationship.  Crying is a great time to daven.  The gates of tears are never closed.

A gut chodesh,
Alex

Shabbat Shalom!