Hello, my name is Dooby and I have a porn addiction. This is a problem I have had since my college years. It is an addiction I have had throughout my marriage of 48 years. It came to a "head" about a year ago and my "revelation" hurt my wife terribly. I joined GYE at the time, I installed a filter, but I thought I could "deal with it" in my own way. I was ashamed of myself. Things came to a head again today. I have "controlled it" in that I have had periods without  looking at porn for up to 3 months, but what isn't in front of my eyes has been in my mind. I know I can not do this alone. I need help. I do not want to hurt my wife any more and I don't want my marriage to be destroyed by my stupidity and childish behavior. I am starting today not having viewed any pornography  for 3 days. I want to feel good about myself and not feel guilty and ashamed anymore.

Welcome!

Porn struggle is tough! You made the right move today

Did your wife discover or was it a simple revelation on your part?

Sharing with a real person is usually a lot more productive in recovery than this anonymous forum. One of the people that Dov recommends sharing with is...

Your wife!

He does not recommend it outright for someone beginning recovery. It may however work for you seeing that she was already disclosed to, and taking it down a road of true honesty with her may help you. If there's more dark secrets than porn which you haven't shared with your wife, that's a different story

Either way it would help a lot as you get into your new Truck, to talk to someone real such as Dov, Avrom, or many other really humble and helpful residents here

Don't forget to bookmark this page (Ctrl+D) guardyoureyes.com/forum/recent/recent-topics

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!

Thanks Markz. I wife asked the question but she is too angry to talk about it now.

I'm not fully understanding. 
Sounds like you're saying she discovered you
Thats a very hard pill to live with for both of you

Shes sticking it out with you. We gotta figure out a way out of this mess
Will she possibly get chizuk from reading some articles on this page? guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/category/spouses

There's 2 matters here

Porn / Your marriage
They are affected by each other
In recovery we work on ourselves to lower the first and enhance the second
If it requires marriage counseling maybe it should be a consideration

Many a woman has assumptions that can be clarified with a "second opinion", and can change her perspective to you

Id recommend a therapist that's knowledgeable about sex addiction. Many are not, and that includes my marriage counselor

I thought I was addicted to porn.  Craved it.  Had to have it.

What I discovered is that I'm really addicted to is lust.
My behaviors went far beyond looking at pics.
My eyes never rested from checking out every female in view.
My mind never gave me a break from fantasies and images.
I entertained fantasies while with my wife.
I was consumed with thoughts and images of lust.
Porn was just the most obvious part of my sickness.

What worked?
I started guarding my eyes in all settings.  Not easy.  Murder sometimes.  But necessary to shut off the constant supply of lust drug to my brain.

For the intrusive thoughts, images, fantasies, what works best for me is verbally surrendering them to Hashem and asking him to take them, along with my lust.  Constantly. Repeatedly.

But first, I needed to admit that I had become powerless over lust.  That it was running my brain and ruining my life.

Then I had to be willing to truly give up lusting.  To surrender my lust to Hashem.  To ask Him to take it.  

Wishing you much success on your journey.

Alex

I  have always been ashamed of my lust,fantasies. I have just been too weak to control it. Porn was not something I craved everyday. Lustful thoughts; fantasizing about women, that has always been there. I believe it was a way of dealing with fear and feelings of inferiority.

​My wife discovered my addition on my computer, and I had to fess up. It was very painful for both of us and scary for me. This time, she just asked the question "have you looked at any porn in the last 3 months?"  I couldn't lie  and I didn't want to lie. I again had to admit my shameful behavior and now I have to deal with it but no longer alone! I need help, G-d's help and forgiveness and G-d willing my wife will be able to trust me, that I am finally growing up; accepting my shame; admitting my sinfulness and continue in our marriage. She does love me, but she is very angry with this failure of mine. 
I will direct her to the spouse's forum. I don't know if she would utilize it. For me, I realize a have to deal with this one day at a time and that includes the forum where I can openly express where I am; what I am feeling and how I am doing . Day 4

Alex,
Yes, the addiction is lustful thoughts more than the porn itself. This isn't an everyday thing. I appreciate your pointing out that Hashem needs to be in the formula - all the time. That is where I have been "powerless", like you had been. It is a constant battle.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Dooby,

There's a difference between your powerlessness and Alex's

How do you see the difference?

Level 1 Realization of powerlessness

Level 2 Acceptance of powerlessness

I learned #2 from gye

Let me explain

Level 1 Realization of powerlessness:
Therefore we may choose to battle (re-read what you wrote above)

Level 2 Acceptance of powerlessness to our addiction

Therefore we may choose to surrender

עיין בספר הלבן

Thank you for the post. I passed it on today to my wife. She is going to join the Spouses forum. G-d willing she can vent her anger and frustration and sense of betrayal to a group that understands.

Admission there is a problem and the ability to share even with my closest friends has always been difficult. Now I have "surrendered". I am powerless and I need G-d's help to conquer this yezer rah.

:cry:It is HARD! Alex. 

I'd recommend you join a group call

Cordnoys is great but recently has been on vacation - he's on a cruise

Maybe Try Dovs?

Have you read any "Dov quotes"?
Theyre really on the Mark ;-). I really enjoy them

Yoi can find the link to them 24/6 on the "Free Towing" page at Great links here