Im in my mid 40's, BT for 23 years, learned in Kollel for 12 years, teaching for over 20.
Father of many kids, ke"h, one of whom has CP. she's 18 years old today.
My wife, although sucessful in certain things,  herself has mild CP and severe learning disabilities. She is overwhelmed, unorganized and burned out.
I spend many hours a day teaching and other work to support my family, when I get home I come home to a messy home, litterally things everywhere! The kids are usually up, regardless of the hour, the sinks full of dishes, laundry piled on the table... ARGH!
I try as best as I can to give my wife as much attention as I can, but she is "dealing" with everything. The kids, therapy for our daughter, shidduchim for as many people as possible. So I go, shut myself in my room, eat dinner, do some work and then, many times... wind up going down that path of self pity...
Having grown up in an irreligous environment, having been exposed to pornography and the other stuff before bar-mitzvah age and never really dealing with it for about 10 years I have remained wallowing in my addiction ever since. I have had periods of sobriety but they never lasted very long. My wife discovered my addiction, tried doing something about it and then proceeded to basically ignore me in any way that is significant.
Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful person, a wonderful mother for our kids, does lots of chessed for others, a good cook and she does so much for the family. I truly do love and respect her. However our personal relationship is not great.
Clearly none of this is helpful in overcoming my addiction.
I am going out of my mind! How can I be a good father, teacher and - more importantly - husband and oved HaShem when my relationship with my wife is so messed up? If she realizes it she doesn't seem to care.
I want to change, I want to get better, I want to have a better relationship with my wife and with HaKadosh baruch Hu, but how can that happen when I resent her so much?

Welcome

You have arrived at the right place where you'll find like minded people with similar situation - mine isn't far off

And you'll gain a lot more than Guarding you Eyes if you stick around

KEEP ON TRUCKING

hatzlacha rabbah! haba letaher mesayin lo...

Welcome,

Thanks for the share.
No situation is the same, but your story has several similarities to mine and to others.
May I make a humble suggestion?

Welcome to GYE! My situation is far off from yours but as we're both on this site it's not probably is not too far off either. 
I advise you to hear out Cordnoy's suggestion. 
Also advise you to stick to recovery and give time to it no matter how busy life might be.
hatlacha on your journey and hatzlacha on your relationship with Hashem and your wife.

Welcome !

Thanks for that heartfelt share. It sounds like a tough situation your in, however many have been helped here. Please stick around and listen to the veterans. May you find the right guidance with the help of hashem.

Welcome!  You are in the right place.  It's definitely a tough situation.  Your wife is undoubtedly very hurt by your acting out.  We don't realize how much it hurts our wives.  Have you ever considred counseling of some sort?  It does not sound like your wife ever "dealt" with the issue.  Just tried to ignore it. Perhaps even going to a Rav that knows how to deal with these issues. 

It doens't sound like something that will resolve itself without some sort of outside help.

Cordnoy should be helpful.  His situation is similar, except I don't think his wife ever found out.

Thanks all for the kind welcome.
B"H I have succeeded in putting aside some of the annoying yet pressing things that were preventing me from focusing on - with HaShem's help! - succeeding in this struggle.
I have been an addict since I was a(n irreligious) teen and I have never really delt with it seriously. There was  a long period of time that I was on Duvid Chaim's phone conference but then "real life" ran me over and I had no ability to schedule the conference in anymore. I never really finished the steps and although I have had long bouts of sobriety in my life they really were more like ignoring the issue than confronting it.
Ranting. I'm known to do that.
Anyway thanks again!

Welcome!

Your story sounds familiar, perhaps you had been on the forum before and I remember reading your introduction.

You seem to know what you have to do... Much Hatzlachah in getting it done!