Hi everybody,

I am a ba'al tshuva who started becoming religious 2 years ago now. Beforehand, my life basically revolved around lusting and acting out. I used most things around me to support my habit; all my "friends" were potential partners, people on the street were for lusting after, the computer was for... well, we all know. I didn't think I had a problem, though I would fantasise about certain things which were definitely illegal and wrong. I only didn't act out on them because I thought I would get caught, and if there was one thing more precious to me then acting out sexually, it was maintaining an appearance of perfection. When I started becoming religious, I realised I had to stop acting out. I thought I'd do it later, "when I'm on a higher madreiga". When I finally figured I should stop, I did. Easy-peasy. Then I started again. "This is harder than I thought!". I tried again, acted out worse than before. Eventually I felt a creeping dread that perhaps I'll never be better. I realised the selfishness of my life and contemplated suicide constantly, there was no other way out I could see, though I never would of actually gone through with it, just another example of living in fantasy. Then I stumbled across this site B"H. After making very little effort, and not interacting with the community at all, I was surprised to find I was still acting out! I got more depressed, and, eventually, managed to get myself to a 12-step SA group. I started to experience the first tastes of sobriety and felt hope that I could possibly get better. So now, to support my recovery, I'm back on GYE and hoping to make a go of it. I have some specifically Jewish issues also that it would be nice to relate with people about, and, of course, the extra community couldn't hurt! I am very grateful for this site, all 12-steps groups, and G-d yisburach.

Welcome!!

Steps is the way to go!!

Keep on Trucking
ODAAT (one day at a time)
OSAAT

Welcome to you.

Continued hatzlachah.
It's well worth it.

Welcome!  I wish you much hatzlacha!

Welcome to gye,


May Hashem grant you hatzlacha in this struggle and life in general!

Just a word of caution in regard to the Jewish issues you mentioned. This forum is for lust related issues specifically so if the issues are in regard to philosophy this wouldn't be the place for it (I can point you to some sites if you pm me). Even if they are lust related you may want to speak them over with a rabbi, but of course you're welcome to post about them.

Hope to see you around!

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's still a bit stop-start at the beginning, I feel like maybe I'm not getting something? With regard to "Jewish issues"; I find that shabbos, yom tovim and fasts make it difficult to remain sober. Like, the aftermath of such a spiritual high is quite crushing, and I feel like I need to act out to escape. It's all very frustrating. I have a sponsor, and I'm trying to do as he tells me, but I keep acting out. Maybe I'm being dishonest with myself?? In any case, I really appreciate all of you. Travel well!

I have a very hard time on the night shabbos and yomtov end as well if that's what you mean. I just make sure to be extra careful be cause I know I'm more vulnerable then.

Keep on posting!

I usually had more of a problem on Shabbos and Yom Tov.  Probably, the lack of structure, a lot of time to rest, and be restless .