Hi everyone

I'm new to GYE and thought that it may be worth it to try to stop my Y'H this way. I have a very strange relation to lusting because I can have weeks without even having the temptation and then again sometimes I masturbate daily for weeks.
My main problem is that I started lusting already as very small kid and used it as a way of Self- Therapy (I had some hard challenges as a kid). When I grew older and understood how chomur the issur is I fell into a depression till I got to a place where I didn't see any purpose to live anymore.I went to therapy for the last 2.5 years and am now a much happier person and have built up a new relationship with Hashem not seeing this world as a big miserable thing where we have to fight against the Y'H and still not getting anywhere, but as a place where we can show our love to our father in heaven by doing our best (sometimes I imagine the Ribono shel Oilom how he crying from naches by seeing our fight). 

I hope I will actually find some help on this website and I'm looking forward to finally be able to controll my lust and not the opposite.

welcome
I'm sure you'll find, just stay and stick around.
Start reading the Handbook and go with the flow
best wishes
 

Welcome to Guard your I's where many of us have found ourselves, and come to terms with the struggle

KEEP ON TRUCKING!

Welcome

Recovery should be with hatzlachah.

Welcome! 
There's a lot of food for thought on these forums. You should also go through the GYE Handbook. With Hashem's help you will be able to put together a plan of action for yourself and possibly gain some new perspectives which will help you overcome these challenges! 

Welcome!  You seem to be well on the road to recovery.  Thanks for sharing.