Hello everyone,
I am a twenty year old Bochur who has been struggling with mast* for the past six years, and I want to fianlly control it before I become completly addicted, and before Shidduchim.
I started to mast* when I was about fourteen, and haven't stopped since. In the begining it was only once in a while, but as I started to hit 16/17 it started to get very frequent, until today it can even happen a few times a day. To stimulate myself, I fantasize, watch movies (not too often), look at non tznius people, listen to the chat lines (Vihamaivin Yuvin...), and occassionaly see things on the internet.
I went to a therapist for about a year for this, but to no avail.
I have tried to stop dozens of times. I have spoken to my Rabbeim in all of the Yeshivos that I have attended, I am pretty open with my parents (they financed the therapist:angry:), and even open with one of my close friends (more in Klolisdike terms about 'Taavos' and Vechulu), but all to no avail. The longest streak that I had was about 5 days, and that was a few months ago.
I am torn. On one hand I know how terrible it is Bigashmius and Biruchnius, but on the other hand I feel apathetic; it's just too hard, and I don't see any hope on the horizon.
I really thank my parents for being strict with the internet or else I would be addicted to it (although I have seen bad stuff po* a few times).
Untill recently, I have been able to seperate my two lives: on the outside I am a bochur who learns and Davens with Hislavus, and I was very outgoing (being a leader in the class), and under my blanket or in the bathroom a guy who does.... However, recently  my two lives have begun to merge, and I started to stop learning and being social, and I listen to the radio for a good part of the day. I have changed from a outgoing person, to a person who keeps to himself and isn't a leader. I understand this is one of the effects of mast*.
I also am a anxious person, and I have fears about how this can affect me later in life.
As I start thinking about my life in the next 2/3 years I realize that I have to stop NOW! I can't enter into  a marrige with this. It wouldn't be fair to my wife, and it can lead to many issues along the way. As a person who values relationships (I'm dying to get married!), I need to care of this asap. But it's hard. I really am going to try the methods that GYE is recommending (although I have tried some of them before).
I think the key is to be serious. Like anything in life, you can only accomplish something (especially as challenging as this) unless you are serious.
So if anyone has any eitzos or Chizuk, please send it my way, and it will be greatly appreacated.

Hey we met before

in the chat

I like your share - open and honest
I hope you'll find what you need here beH

Welcome! It's great to have another bochur on the forums.

I recommend posting your thoughts and feelings, and reading as much as you can from all over the forums. There's TONS of good info, insights and ideas.

 

Thanks for the welcome Chevre.
Any ideas for help to fall asleep, as I used to Mast* which would calm me to sleep, but if I dont do it I poshut cant fall asleep till 4 or 5, and it effects my day... I often just give in and do it just to fall asleep. Its like my fix just to fall asleep.
Also, any ideas about what constitutes an addiction, and how I can know if I'm addicted or its just a strong habit?

I'll have to be your daddy for tonight

if you don't like my parenting skills you can always fire me

Would you like a gye song or a gye story to put you to sleep?

btw this is a 1 time thing cos I haven't seen real sobriety take place overnight. It needs patience
 

Funny. And i dont need a one time thing, i need long term solution.

I was sure that was the case and that's the way to go

Good to hear you're determined 

but I'm falling asleep so here's your IPHONE SONG (found here)

If I see someone dancing now outside in the street I'll know who it is :-)

Welcome,

Sounds to me like you would make productive use of a specialist, either on phone, addiction therapist, or perhaps, God forbid, even a meeting.

B'hatzlachah

Maybe, however I was at one two years ago and it didn't help (although he helped me change my attitude etc.). I think that maybe the community aspect as well as the phone conferences through GYE would help. Also the encouragement and the need to show the GYE comminty that you can succeed  through the 90 day challange, would I feel be of great help.
I acctually am in touch with Dov via email in regards to his phone conference, so hopefully that will work out.

To Birshusi: I read the posts that you sent to me on your thread, and I can identify with a lot of whats written. I guess it doesn't really make a difference if you label yourself as an addict or not, but rather if you are ready to work or not.
Trouble is, that its just soooooooo hard. Its not like a drug or a cigarette which I have to go buy it and smoke it (not that I do any of thise BH:blush:); its on my body and in my brain!!
I think I am apathetic to going full force, cause I've had so many ups and downs. After riding a bike up and down a mountain, eventually you get tired and uniterested. I think I need someone to give me petch, or light my achorayim on fire! My longest clean streak was just five days, and that was in the begining of the year.
Al kol panim, if anyone has any ideas or thoughts, please feel free to share them.
A Gut Shabbos.

proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 16:03:

I'm not an expert in this, but we could compare notes and maybe find some new insights.
What is the main issue for you right now? For me, the biggest problem was porn, but the thing that really pushed me to join GYE was the realization that I have a crazy obsession with women, b'chol ais uv'chol sha'ah. It drives me nuts, even in yeshiva, and sometimes being in yeshiva is harder for me(see my thread).

Try to read a lot of the forums. Go through the big threads, especially the first pages of the thread. There's a lot to learn, about this struggle, about yourself, about the Torah's hashkafah towards fighting this yetzer hara, etc., ayin shum.

And of course, KOP!

My main issue is mast* not porn per se. I dont have access generally to unfilterd internet, and I haven't ever really been "hooked" on it. When I'm at home during bein Hazmanim I have seen some porn which I fantasize about to stimulate me. The mast* really kills me. I used be a ble to sit a nd learn with a geshmak for a meshech zman, but now my mind is clouded and I dont have the zitzfleish to do it.

The issues with this are not confined just to the sexual; they effect every part of your life.

I really want to get this under control before I get married, I just need a real seder and Hadrocho.

And I also started having Sfeikos and thinking about leaving Yeshiva. The point is, that after a while it starts to spill out into your "regular" life as well; its not confined just to the fantasies and acts.

Welcome and thanks for sharing! You have written quite a bit.
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Your story is very common. Many of us can totally relate to your description.
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Can you elaborate on this? Were you completely open and honest with the therapist? Why did you go to a therapist? What reason did you tell your parents? What reason did you tell the therapist? What did the therapist do to help you?
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Again, very common. I acted out for over 20 years before getting any help, so you are way ahead of me.
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Check out the "dov quotes" links in my signature. Especially the first one, but there are lots of good ones.
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Are you anxious in general? Did you discuss that with your therapist? Often, acting out is a way to deal with uncomfortable feelings like anxiety/depression, lonliness, anger etc.. Why are you afraid that you will become a molester? Is it based on something? Is it something you fantasize about? Or, is it just part of your general anxiety?

proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

Yes, it can definitly be VERY bad for relationships. You say you are "dying to get married", why? Are you lonely? That is a common trigger for acting out. Do you have good friends?
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

GYE is not a specific recommendation. It's an organized collection of ideas that have worked for many people. This forum is a place to learn from other people and get chizzuk.
proudchabadnick wrote on 17 Jun 2016 04:29:

It' s important to be serious, but I have a feeling you are already serious. I can be really serious about banging in a nail with a screwdriver, but I'd be much better off using the right tool rather than trying really, really hard to bang in that nail with a screwdriver. It can probably be done, but it will be exhausting and not nearly as effective. Yes, committment is important, but many of us found out, we were simply using the wrong tools.

Welcome. You will learn a lot here. Stick around. Many people have been helped here. Even some of us that acted out for decades and did not think sexual sobriety was possible. B"H, I just celebrated 7 years clean. It seems like not that long ago, I was in your shoes. There is help. I wish hatzlacha! Keep Posting!

My parents know about everything, and I was open with my therapist as well, but still it didn't work. I think the phone thing with dov will be of help, but I'm still waiting to here back from him. 
The anxiety defiantly plays a role, but by now I think we're dealing with something more than that.
I am o