hi

test

markz wrote on 13 May 2016 19:21:

As i understand the objection boils down to it being white knuckling, and not very effective long term. But as a starter is it such a bad idea? For someone like me who's so used to the idea of "needing" to act out regularly, is disrupting that cycle not useful? Obviously just sticking to that one thing is likely not going to work long term, and that is one of the reasons i joined this community, to remember that the small progress that sometimes happens, doesn't mean i can sit back. But should i do nothing, because what i can is not complete?

Avrohom

If Taphsic will work for you (and monetary commitments will be based on your Job paycheck - not your parent's allowance), why not give it a try?

You wrote initially


Look...

Oops sorry

Guard Your Eyes
















I personally can not trust myself to be bound to an oath as Taphsic
I don't buy it to be a stand-alone sobriety tool for "Adult-Rated" sexaholicsm for anyone

You may suffer only from "Teen-Rated" stuff, but it didn't sound like that from what you wrote



And, let's say you are sober for a year by using this "TaphChild-Sick" method, so you tell your parents
"Hey I'm sober - Time to get married"

But, are you actually sober?
Life changes somewhat after marriage
Who's to say that this great white-knuckling tool that worked till then, will continue?
And the last thing you want on your hands is lust in your marriage

But please realize that for "Adult-Rated" sexaholicsm recovery, it's not the real thing IMHO, and therefore if it fails, it's not your fault, nothing to be upset about

We are here for you always!

Mark, I'm not really sure what's the boundaries between adult rated, and teen rated. That's one off the outgrowth of my issues, nor being able to recognize what's "normal", what's not, and what's in between. 


I most definitely don't expect to be using this as my sole tool forever, or even for much time at all. I see it as a starter. And while we're discussing, what tools do you suggest, that deal with the underlying issues? 

Lastly, in certain ways I feel like marriage may help. Not because I'll have a "kosher outlet", but because it likely would relieve a loneliness I've had for a long time, I would to an extent have someone I felt obligated to, and in a bunch of things I would be settled so I wouldn't need the escape. There's more to it, but that's the basic. Has anyone else tthoughtin those terms? And am I just fooling myself? 

Avrohom wrote on 15 May 2016 17:52:

Yes.....probably.

Thanks cords

Avrohom, do you think it's possible for a non-addict to truly understand what life feels like for an addict?

I could ask the question backwards too

What do you think

markz wrote on 15 May 2016 23:31:

Probably not. Although i don't see what you're getting at?

Btw i'll just point out, that this idea was only something i thought of recently. I had heard that people though marriage would be the solution, and never understood it. In fact until not that long ago one of the things that bothered me, was that i was not going to be able to get married (it still bothers me, but in a different way). More recently, i started thinking about it being helpful (not the solution-and likely requiring a basis of sobriety), for the loneliness. And also that i would be getting on with life, picking certain things, defining who i was, and moving on. As i wrote there are other issues, part of those is this wanting to be different things at the same time, and right now trying to keep myself in a situation where i can choose whatever i want. By taking the step of marriage, it means settling down and picking certain things-not because someone forced me, which i'll do and be, and give it my best.
If you haven't noticed i like beating a dead horse.

Avrohom wrote on 16 May 2016 04:59:

So why do you think you truly understand what married life is like if you ain't there

I don't. And i have no idea how you got that from me.
Edit: i know what i've heard and been told (and not from random talk), about some of the practical points, that come with marriage, and some things about marriage itself. What it's truly like, particularly the MARRIAGE part, i don't claim to know.

I need to post. I need to post. I need to post. In other words i need to take actions for connection etc. Today i've been in something of a perpetual "not in the mood" state. I actually did got to an SA meeting, and call some people, and didn't act out, and actually learned something (probably not enough), but those were interludes, and some of it was hollow. I just keep having the feeling that i can't fully describe, it's an emptiness. It is the type of thing that has held me back from consistently taken steps to recovery in the past. I feel like the post that's in my head is just an incoherent mass? The sitting down and writing it, seems like to much? I'm restless and have no patience? The result would be pushing it off...(practically) indefinitely. Same with (particularly with) calls.
During the day i may have so many things i want to write about, but my time when i'm able to is limited. Then when i'm able to i either blank/it's totally confused, or don't have the patience to write all of it.
So i just ramble a bit, and try to get something coherent out. And in the main, i just try to make sure i don't let the barely created openings/connections, slip shut because of my inaction.

How are you doing? It's been two days.

I feel it worth mentioning that I do know people who've told me that marriage did help (not cure) because of the reasons that you wrote. 

It probably is very specific to each person's situation.

And many marriages exacerbated the problem... This is a fact...

Therefore leaving sobriety till after marriage is a very risky proposition

For sure.

I should've written that too.

I was just trying to say that I don't think he was necessarily completely off with saying marriage might help.