I'm (semi) new here.
I've been struggling for years. It's not just lust-it's a lot more, but lust is closely connected, perhaps even central, and there are definitely common denominators and links.
I'm a Bachur, and i've been in therapy for a long while. I've somewhat tried the 12 step phone conferences, and then live SA meetings, but i never put myself in fully for long enough.
As i've been getting older, more and more i feel like my whole life is on pause due to these issues, most prominently lust. My parents get shiduchim suggestions, but they right away turn it down. At the same time as i'd badly like to entertain them, i can't. This year different things came together to give me the push to make big improvements, and i was very hopeful, and even when i'd slip up, it didn't feel like it's the end.
More recently that changed, as the time passes and the realization that once the zman ends it will be problematic if i drag longer, messing up meant more. I've lost a lot of hope. At the same time i've regressed. Sometimes (often-over the last few days) i just want to quit it all, and just do whatever i feel like. This doesn't make me feel good, or fulfilled, but it feels like at least i won't be torn apart. So, while i know that for some reason, i should take steps to take care of this, i don't really have what to motivate me. And often when i did get motivated, it only lasted for a bit.
So, i realized that i've got to get involved, and that i needed too find people to share with (although i already had some it wasn't constant, and required my choice a lot of times, which i often didn't make). So i spoke to a roommate, but he could be sympathetic, sometimes give me a little push, and listen when i mess up, it doesn't feel the same. So i came here.
I've been looking around for a couple of days (i've been on the site some times before, but never really looked around), and find a lot of the things confusing. I'm not sure if i'm just ready to throw myself into doing the actions necessary. And there may be some things, which will be hard for me. At the end of the day, i never really figured out what it means to give myself over to Hashem.
So i turn here, hoping to find people, who will just give me the support i need, the advice, and sometimes the push when it's needed.
Thank you.

Welcome 



Im here for you brother


Listen out for The Captains Fog horn
(When you see a ship sail by, seek advice from its anchor)



St Mary Shimshon Haggibor will provide

Keep on Trucking

Welcome!

Gye is a great place to meet people, to get chizzuk and advice.

Stick around for a bit and you'll get to know people. I've made some good friends here.

Post about whatever you're finding confusing and the oilam will be glad to try to help (though you will get different opinions, just choose what works for you).

Remember that the way to recovery happens slowly. 

The main thing is to keep coming back even if it's the 80th time you fell. Sheva yipol tzaddik v'kom

Welcome.

Life can be tough.

Hopefully, we can make it easier and more productive for you.

B'hatzlachah

inastruggle wrote on 08 May 2016 01:46:

Thanks for the welcome. 
 A big issue for me has been constantly coming back, mostly from complacency,  but sometimes out of fear. 

Hey avraham,  welcome, we have all been in the dirt and know what it tastes like (actually, pretty good on occasion) and that it screws up our lives and puts everything on hold. 

Stick around, dont be afraid to share and be open,  it's good for you and none will think less of you. Hope you find inspiration and motivation. 
Hatzlacha

Do you mean fear of how people would react?

I can totally relate. I came back to gye at the beginning of bein hazmanim after about six months of falling. I felt so stupid, that I decided to come back under a new name. I opened the account and started a post. In middle of it I realized that if I don't come back under my "real" name then I'm still not really taking responsibility for my actions. So I came back as me. Everyone was very supportive and understanding.

Complacency is a huge issue but I think it's mostly there because it's so hard to stop and not because we really think it's ok.

Welcome stick around 
maybe commit to posting once a day that way you won't have a issue of (I was gonna say leaving the lane but due to the change here Maybe) goin underwater 

we will give you all the support you need.

your story is similar to mine in the sense that its sort of puting my life on hold


commit to posting at least once every day. i am sure it will help as it has been helping me

Hi Avrohom. Like everyone else here has been saying, welcome. 
Things Can be confusing, and part of the reason is become overcoming our lust (and other) challenges are a jorney. Everone here is at a diffrent stage, and mamy of us have taken diffrent routes, but one things that we all agree upon. Lusting stinks (ok, i know yesod just wrote that i tasts pretty good, but we know what means), it will ruin our lives if we leave it as is, and we want to live cleaner better lives. I don't think that anyone here will dissagree with me on that (i'm probably gonna get death threats tonight for writing that). The fine details of how to do that differ with each person, but we'll never know what can work for us unless we listen to others, try things out ourselves and see what happens. So join us on the journey and let us know what you think of what you read.



[Btw, you wrote above [i]"At the end of the day, i never really figured out what it means to give myself over to Hashem.[/i]" That concept is not easy and takes practice. Often we feel the need to control our lives (which may be why people resent their wives (at times) and bosses (all the time) because those are two people that we can't control), giving ourselves over to Hashem can mean realizing that He is really The one who runs the world and not us at all.]

Stick around, and keep on posting

Hey Avrohom, welcome aboard!

I can tell you that in my two and a half weeks here, I've grown immeasurably more comfortable posting my thoughts and feelings, and stam just finding my way through the site to get to the resources and information that might be helpful for me in my situation.

The oilam here actually truly wants you to join us in our journey to get our lives under control. Every new guy gives me chizuk because it drives home the point that there are so many people out there who are just like me (see my avatar).

So please come here as often as you can, share your feelings, post your opinions, and you'll find your place on GYE quicker than you might think.

inastruggle wrote on 08 May 2016 02:46:

I use the term fear as something of a catch all, and includes other things. Sometimes when i'm deep in the dirt, i'm afraid of "losing" what i have-at the same time that i know it's terrible. I'm afraid the work will be too hard; that i won't be able to stick to it, and all i'll accomplish is to make the pain greater. I don't really know in myself when my "commitment" is true, or the feeling of the moment, to be abandoned, sometimes quicker sometimes slower. I'm afraid about coming to a group, and saying that i'm not sure i'm ready yet to put the work in, or if i want it enough; while at the same time i feel like i'm misleading them, if i don't.
Each of these has different parts to it, and different variations depending on the time.
All this is coming back after a long period. But just consistently coming back, day after day, week after week, month after month, and actually participating, has been a challenge; and that was more what i was referring to.
This is due to the fact that participating requires effort, some mental/emotional, and (for me) often practical. So when i anyways have some of these fears lurking (specifically difficulty, inability to complete, etc.), and at the same time some things start getting better, i become complacent and participate less. Till the point that i'm basically totally out of it.

Still going wrote:
"[Btw, you wrote above [i]"At the end of the day, i never really figured out what it means to give myself over to Hashem.[/i]" That concept is not easy and takes practice. Often we feel the need to control our lives (which may be why people resent their wives (at times) and bosses (all the time) because those are two people that we can't control), giving ourselves over to Hashem can mean realizing that He is really The one who runs the world and not us at all.]"

Those facts i know, yet actually fully accepting that and living like that, has been quite some trouble.

Hi Avrohom! Welcome to GYE! 
I am a bachur of almost 24 and I also have pushed off shidduchim, at least in part, due to lust related issues. I also have trouble deciding that I want to work on it. I've been on and off this wonderful GYE site many times. I don't have much advice, at least not off hand. I guess I am just happy to see I am not alone. I guess that's why I'm posting this. Hatzlacha rabbah to you and to us all!

Your fears strike a chord with me (and I suspect the majority of guys here).

When I get to a certain point in a streak I tend to be at a higher risk of falling because it hits me that I might never really watch porn again. It's only a little while later that sanity comes back and I stop feeling so upset.

There's a major principle that's taught here called "one day at a time" that should help with your other fears. There are a lot of nuances to it but I'll try to sum it up.

We never know what's going to happen, all we can affect is today. There's no point in worrying about tomorrow since it doesn't help us, just hurts us. Even if we end up falling tomorrow, at least today we'll be happy because we're clean. Today is all that counts, it's all that we should focus on at any given day. (This doesn't mean we shouldn't plan ahead or learn from the past, it means that that's all we should do and not any more.)

Will we stay clean forever? Day after day, month after month, year after year, without a single slip or fall? Who cares, today is what counts.

It's an easy thing to say and hard to internalize, but very much worth it. It helps us throw ourselves in wholeheartedly even though we don't know if we'll end up sticking it out.

There are some great posts that guys wrote about this concept scattered around the site. If you're interested in finding out a bit more search the site or post and I'll get you some links.