Welcome

So there are a lot of old fogies on this site. But I'm 20, so...

Yo, wazzup man. Welcome to the hood brotha. Pretty solid post there, legit. You got past drug addiction?! Damn (daniel) straight. Props dude, props. Sit back and relax man, me and my boys got you hooked up. We're gonna work this thing out. We got your back.
#peace

hey whats up. First of all sorry for not replying earlier I don't have internet too often.
So to answer your first question, once an addict always an addict. Baruch Hashem, I have learned a lot about addiction and even have the privilidge of running a support group for recovering addicts my age. Now, the term once an addict always an addict depends really. Mainly, on the strength of the addiction. What I mean is like this; Labeling yourself something FOREVER is in my experience never a good thing. It becomes part of your identity, and you should never make something negative part of your identity. That being said, this mostly applies when the addiction was not crazy strong. So lets take drugs; I used for about 18 months, and while I tried many different types of drugs at least once, my addiction was mostly to xanex, speed, (in short, pills) and marijuana (yes, weed is a drug- trust me. Seen way too much damage to be fooled anymore by liberals). Thus, my addiction was not hardcore, and so after a good long time clean, I do not (nor do experienced people who know me) consider myself an addict. HOWEVER, if you have a strong addiction, then yes, you would have to be very wary of falling back into addictive patterns, and so labeling yourelf an addict might work. It is my humble opinion that for most of us, masturbation and pornography WOULD fall into the category of SEVERE or SERIOUS addiction, as A. Most likely, we have been doing it for years and B. It is all around us. Triggers are everywhere.
Regardless of wether one considers himself an addict or not after a long time clean (because while youre using, you are definitely addicted), one still must pay heed to the LOGIC behind 'once an addict always an addict", and that is that you can always fall again.
So while (when it comes to drugs), I don't consider myself an addict, I am very wary of the potential to fall.
to answer your second question; youre right, I don't know if I tried EVERYTHING. however, in the circles I am in, it is not embarrassing to talk about lust addiction, as my friends are all in it and we are truly trying to grow. So I HAVE been open about it, and ive tried different methods. I think the only area where I was lacking was realizing it was an addiction, and that flabbergasted me.
sorry for the whole megilla lol;0

mr.clean wrote on 18 Apr 2016 23:00:

Ahhhh... hard question to answer. both of em. lol. I really cant say which is harder, theyre both really really hard. Drugs is inexplainable really unless you've been through it. And how I beat it? Short story: Hashem. really. Long story: too long for here:)

Amazing!!

So invite the entire gang to gye, we have lots of chametz to share, woodford of course, and porn, which we gotta get rid of in 36 hr

Ask the.guard to create "Group 180", and of course you'll be the leader!

Teach us a thing or two too!!

Haha maybe.. I wanna get used to this site first more. This is actually a great idea.
You wouldn't believe it, how crazy shame is. Like ill go to AA groups and talk all about drugs and alcohol, and even give a little group myself, but when it comes to lust, NOOOOO.
Crazy we humans are.
Anyway, I'm signing off now. Great talk.

emunas hashem wrote on 25 Apr 2016 02:09:


Hi EH

Happy Chol Hamoed to you!

Do you know the email address of one of the great mod's here is dovpowerless...?

He has some great loooooooooooong seder night posts, but worth reading here

Btw, you mentioned you're doing well the past week
How have you managed it? Are you doing anything different nowadays?

Hi Markz:)

Hmmmm am I doing anything different.. good question.
I think the main thing is that like I said once before, this is a huge breakthrough. Realizing that masturbation and porn is an addiction. So I started using my old mantra again, every time I get a craving I say to myself 'just for today I'm clean'.
Another thing is I was working a lot on controlling my eyes and not on p'gam brit itself. (lol its the breslov word for masturbation). So ive kinda switched up my approach and started working more on actually not doing the action, and iyh then ill work hard on not looking at any girls or women.
I see youre a veteran here. Any tips from your own recovery?

So yeah, perhaps I'm a veteran = addict, shucks :-(

Those 2 new discoveries you mentioned, are totally in line with my recovery

If you're bored feel free to see my story below

There are some great success stories in the "Free Towing" page below - Check them out and
Keep On Trucking to redemption!

If you don't mind, I will chime in here. In my experience, recovery didn't happen in a vacuum. It is a very slow process for me that is still continuing god willing. In terms of looking/masturbating, I have found that the look leads to the masturbation. In my own case, if I have to stop myself from acting out, it's not going to happen. But I can surrender the first look so it doesn't get to that point.

emunas hashem wrote on 26 Apr 2016 04:51:


EH maybe take a pen and paper and write down the Gye 1st Amendment, so you always have it in front of you
"Peace and loving kindness for oneself and all others.
Coming down on anyone (including self) is against company policy"

You're on the right road.
As they say FSKOT (Fell Shmell Keep on Trucking)

"I have strong anxiety" - reading the white book may be very beneficial for you (always available under the "Free Towing" page here)

By the way, do you have anyone to speak to (eg. a coach), about your lust struggle

emunas hashem wrote on 20 Apr 2016 22:47:

Hey EH! I get chizuk from your posts; you seem so strong and empowered even after all you've been through.

I was thinking about whether or not I'd be so ashamed and private if I was addicted to something else other than lust/porn. The fact is that alcohol is not shameful because everyone drinks and it's perfectly ok in moderation. The same goes with food; the problem isn't what you are addicted to, but just that you are addicted. Basically I'm saying that it seems like those addictions are more embarrassing than they are shameful. Lust, on the other hand, is intrinsically dirty. Only in marriage is it holy, and that's not even considered lust. So the fact that I have anything at all to do with it is shameful, and if I'm addicted to it, whoa, I must be an awful, lowly person! (I don't believe that of course, but I do feel that way sometimes.)

Birshusi wrote on 27 Apr 2016 00:53:

Hey brother) First off, thank you for the kind words. I really mean it. I had a rough few days and really needed it. So I definitely get what you mean when it comes to shame and lust. Its a definitely more shameful thing, but I don't know if I agree that its because only in marriage is it considerered holy. I think it may be that, or it may be that we as a society have just made talking openly and sincerely about this stuff taboo. Think about it- why shouldn't a person be able to discuss his problems with lust honestly? Like obviously its not a dinner table subject, but it shouldn't be so scary to talk about. And I think there is definitely more shame in the frum jewish world, because like I think I may have mentioned before in one of the threads, in my circles, which are obviously not so mainstream, it is not nearly as embarrassing to talk about these problems. Anyway, this is just my take on things but you may very well be onto something.
Also, youd be surprised. Drug addiction can be shameful too. People sometimes are like, 'YOU?'
And Ill give you a fresh example: bh I'm clean for about 4 months, which is quite a long time. and lately ive been having bad cravings, and people I'm close with were shocked when I told them. it was embarrassing for me to do! Sometimes it takes superhuman strength to admit we are human.

emunas hashem wrote on 27 Apr 2016 04:25:

The reason it's taboo is because most boys can't discuss lust/girls in a mature, growth-oriented fashion like we do here. The conversations would likely be inappropriate, and just create more problems. The separation of boys and girls at an early age is for the same reason. Lust is assur, and frum society has been molded by our Gedolim to limit the potential pitfalls. Not that I'm a worthy baal dei'ah on these things, but that's my understanding.

That culture, while necessary, creates an impression that our feelings are "bad", "dirty", and that we must be the only ones who are doing this aveirah of having taavas nashim. It would be great, if there was a way for rebbeim to broach the subject gently but directly at an earlier age, to confirm that the feeling exists for everyone, and we all need learn to handle it properly. That would include implanting a belief and understanding that if you do need to discuss an issue with somebody, it isn't shameful, but l'chatchilah mamesh. 

My problems started when I was probably nine years old or so, and I don't think I heard anything about shmiras einayim until ninth grade, five years later. I remember saying "v'lo sasuru" in Shema and being surprised that the Torah not only talks about but prohibits my behavior.

As for drugs, I totally understand that it would be shameful. Your strength to be open about it to other people is pushing me to have a conversation about my struggles with my parents(again) and with my Rebbi.