I have to get my head clear on this.  Filters/ Accountability software- OK so I used to be hardcore in favor regarding filters that it was something I absolutely needed to break away. I was not even 'trying' if I did not have some huge electronic fence in between me and lust. And to a degree this remains true. Filters are good- no doubt. 

But since then I learned some of the weaknesses of the software and realized that I need to be stronger where they fail.  I have accountability software on my computer right now. And I plan on installing a filter as well in the future as I work back toward sobriety. Here is the issue though, this stuff is everywhere. It is a snap for me to override it... No matter what, somehow, I can find the access regardless, if not on the computer, on the phone, and chat forums,

- The filtering may make it more difficult to access what is harming me, but it's not going to remove it from my life. THere's no way to do that unless I move someplace where there are no phones, no computers... maybe no electricity!! - So this time it's about me. I need to install a filter and I will. But at this point, I think I need to approach it as a support to my sobriety, rather than a hinderance to my acting out. In my mind, there is a difference. 

Only when I realized that it's my responsibility regardless of whether the filter is foolproof or not did I find the type of progress I was looking for.

Thanks for sharing that WG. It's not that I don't want a filter. It is more that- the filters don't work and I wind up finding a way around it, or fiending and becoming so obsessed with trying to find the way around them and find "that site" which is not blocked....

That is why I came to the conclusion that I need, for now, to do this because I want to. The filter can't be a method of restraining myself. It doesn't work. It needs to be a method of supporting my recovery. 

Sounds like the post call talk today.

Yeah it is on my mind so I am talking it out with people... marbeh eitza marbeh tevunah. 

Shteeble wrote on 16 Feb 2016 10:04:





 

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH SHTEEBES. THERE IS A LOT OF WISDOM IN THERE> BLId NEDER PLAN TO READ THAT PASSAGE DAILY FOR A FEW DAYS IN A ROW. 

OTR, I am in a similar situation as you, such that I haven't been on the forums in YEARS, but recently associated my screen name with a new email address. From time to time I type in GUE.com after GYE.com doesn't work- Ahhhh, the good ole days! So much more user friendly now, so I have plenty to be thankful for.

I reread all my posts from the past and while it gave me a little chiuk, it also made me feel quite disheartened and unsettled. In 5 years I sound similar to the way I was back then or even less connected in certain areas. That hurts...Hopefully we can join the land of the living together after tasting and "living" death for so long...
 

I drink from the same bitter cup NY... Feeling like where have I gotten.... But then let's be honest friend, what were we doing to change in the interim. I know I was not doing much but slowly sliding down the hill. Maybe you are different. For me I think I got exactly what I deserved. A handful of "not that much at this point".

But I am coming back with a different perspective this time.

 I look at some of the guys who stuck around.... Sober for 1 year, 2 years, 3 years.... some of them. We both came in at the same time in the same boat. Seeing them gives me the belief that I can do that too.

Some of them are sober for stretches of a few months at a time. Even 90 plus... Although they may have acted out subsequently, that stretch of sobriety is also good. 

Others who were here and really worked and got someplace but then slipped back into a coma.... I look at their posts and there is chizuk to be had from them.  If only those guys could see their old posts now. If only they would know that I am getting chizuk from it now, or that others are.... 

Keep in touch! 

Wow! Really powerful words and so true.....
I actually recognized someone from the calls and read all his posts because I know him pretty well, but didn't know he had this struggle and wanted to see if our stories were similar, so that I could help in any way (and suppress my curiosity if we're being totally honest...

There was so much to be gained and whereas words take a few seconds or minutes to be typed up, going back and reading them can really boost your morale.

If I am the person you recognize, please come over and broach the topic... Not the best tasting medicine but it works... 

There are so many people out there strugling with this. How many get on GYE.. don't know. 

OTR wrote on 24 Feb 2016 04:44:

It's someone else.

Oh darn it! I'm never the center of attention! 

OK so My wife is out, this is  a typical time when I would act out. First semi real act out alarm I have had this week. And I am closing in on my first week of sobriety. I can make it through this, but to be frank, I am really feeling like I am looking forward to a fight for this in the future. - I can't fight- You know, this is EXACTLY what we spoke about today on a call. I need to surrender. Surrender means I can't do this alone. I can't 'fight it' or 'beat it'... I need to talk to someone, going to make a call now...