thanks613 wrote on 17 Apr 2016 03:12:
OTR wrote on 17 Apr 2016 03:00:
Cumulative Clean Days: 149
I realized today over Shabbos, that NOT every time that I am acting out is it because of some deeper pressure or lack of internal calm. Actually now, my marital life is greatly stressed and we are apart for a lot longer than is normal. It makes sense that I feel it, and that this is a difficult time with regard to wanting to act out.
The reason I am writing this is because, when acting out is solely an escape from reality, and due to the wrong approach to pressures of life, then indeed the right way to work it is to deal with the deeper issues. When in fact you are suddenly forced into a situation where your regular schedule of marital relations is disrupted in a BIG way, you have to recognize the challenge for what it is- By understanding each one for what it is there is more of a chance for me to work it through correctly.
This is an interesting thought for me. All the more because I am unmarried... Anyone care to comment or offer rebuttal?
Also, I'm curious OTR how this perspective helps you work it through
It helps me because being honest and looking at what is really going on inside me helps me. It is helpful to me in terms of addiction and in terms of being a person.
I have a lot of junk inside that I need to sort through, and face... improve etc... At the same time I am not entirely without merit. I have done good things, I have experienced sobriety. And I have normal drives. Understanding the difference between normal drives and addictive drives, does not open a door to me to be able to act out freely. But in recognizing where things are coming from, I will hopefully be able to be more aware of how to respond when the desire kicks in. - Being able to say to myself, of course you are feeling it... your wife has been assur 26 our of the last 30 days- Just puts me in perspective of what I am facing at that moment. It doesn't mean it's ok to act out. And if I do act out, I will be triggering all the addict tendencies in me as well as those emotional chain reactions. ... But when there is a deeper issue at play in the moment, I would want to react to it for what it is, and tell myself to give it over to God- recognize what is really happening inside me and deal with it.
I guess in the lamasseh of giving it over to God it's the same thing- the question is do I have to follow the feelings I am having inside to apply them to step work or not in that given moment. I am not sure if I am explaining what I am thinking clearly though.