And I didn't understand your last post Markz.. Are you offering Cord's services? So kind of you

On a practical level it will be his davening that helps because he's making an effort and wants to change, but there is also a concept of the captive not being able to get himself out of jail. 

shmirashachaim wrote on 29 Jun 2016 22:22:

Consider it offered, but I'm not good for SOS calls, unless you allow me to shlep you to a meetin'.

cordnoy wrote:

Grab the offer while it's still on the table

GO SHEMIRA GO!
GO SHEMIRA GO!
GO SHEMIRA GO!
GO SHEMIRA GO!
GO SHEMIRA GO!
GO SHEMIRA GO!

Yeah Boy
 

Markz wrote on 29 Jun 2016 23:01:

Haha :laughing:Thanks for the rooting! I am B'H ok as of now. Decided to push off the junk for a later time.. Have to do it eventually though . Not surfing web either for now. Really have to figure out how to block it and get a better covenanteyes partner. There I am again pushing things off. Thanks Cords for the offer. I assume you're not too shabby at SOS calls, but I'll take advantage (or not? Too hopeful?) in the future. Thanks guys for being there for me! Means a lot to me!

Workingguy wrote on 29 Jun 2016 22:40:

Thanks... could attest to that.

shmirashachaim wrote:

Shemira you had a challenging lust yesterday

For the record this is not the "Just having fun" section
I was serious in my rooting for you

I really feel for you and am not the professional that will tell you which way to go with Cordnoy or Skep

Please keep in touch

AND

KEEP ON TRUCKING

I just want to congratulate you on telling your rebbi.

Also the way you handled yesterday was super impressive.

Seriously inspired.

Markz wrote on 01 Jul 2016 01:03:

I appreciate the warmth and acceptance since I got here. Sometimes people need more than professionals. And bli neder I will keep in touch... Just don't make that too literal and bump me from behind again!

inastruggle wrote on 01 Jul 2016 02:56:

Follow the leader

Wow.

What a m'chayev, the way you are pushing vyter.

And yet another person who spoke to their Rebbi. I still can't get myself to do it. 

Birshusi wrote:

Looking at how you started off, seems that's you are a motivated guy yourself! That was the Yesod for me many times over: push vyter. It's a concept at times seems impossible but I tell myself that it is. It has to be.
yes I spoke to my Rebbi. One of the hardest things I have ever done in my life and I will be honest that I still cringe sometimes when I know he is aware. He knows that the innocent person he once knew isn't so innocent. It hurts my ego. But I feel that is persicly what I need. I don't regret it and I think I will see in the future how grateful I am for doing so. I don't know your situation seems your not as close to your Rebbe. I'm not giving advice to tell him or someone else. I'll just tell you that if you can figure out how to tell someone in person that you previously know not from GYE might be kidei.
pushing vyter needs others. With Hashems help we can do this together!

shmirashachaim wrote on 03 Jul 2016 23:51:

The plan is to tell my Rebbi soon, and I believe it will actually happen, because like you said, I think it'll be good for me down the road. I do have a close relationship with him in many ways, but this would be the most personal and sensitive topic I've ever discussed with him.

My parents are involved already, which is good, although also awkward some times.

 

Today was my mother's Yahrzeit. When she was in the hospital she liked when I sang to her. It was hard for her to speak at times, and she would just gently sway her head to whatever I sang. Her favorite song was   ״לא תירא מפחד לילה״. I basically sang it every day until the last when she couldn't sway her head anymore and I swayed her hand instead. All teary eyed and imagining it was she that was swaying her hand.
Ever since that last time I sang the song to her, I couldn't take hearing the song anymore. Once at my sisters house they starting singing it and I rushed to the bathroom and cried. It was too much for me. However, some time after I was engaged I decided that it is not going to be a sad song anymore, but rather it will represent that no matter what is happening I am not alone. I don't have to be afraid. At times it seems dark. Dreary. No light at the end of the tunnel. But I can't extinguish the flicker of hope, no matter how faint it may be. I was in the darkest and most dreary tunnel, and B'H I got out of it and I see all the good Hashem gives me. And I have grown since then. A lot. 
I thought about that passuk when I read it as I was going through tehillem today. 
One of the many middos of my mother is that she knew how to remain calm. She was very busy always taking care of many things. Sometimes sleeping only a few hours at night. Many crises have come her way and she takes them all on with immense emunah and serenity. I am trying to internalize that middah. When things seems dark and dreary I will plug ahead. Last week a lot a lot of things came down on me at once and wasn't easy, but I got through. Today I was having a bleak day matching the weather, very frustrated about undone work and guilt about lack of being able to do a siyum. B'H I am not in a bleak mood. Wife knows how to cheer me up I guess, and her grandparents were here so got out a little bit tonight. But I still feel restless. In the past I would just go about those feelings alone, but know I want to stay tuned with myself and I do that by posting. I will be honest. Wife's chizzuk is great but I feel lust lurking somewhere in my mind as the most incredible way to get out of life. I feel the pressure. The sweet sweet pull is a little bit there. I am telling myself it's wont take me out of my problems and it might be sweet but it always turns sour. I am davening I can get through this as well- calmly. 
Any chizzuk would be great. Thanks guys. 
Sorry for the rambling if you made it to the end. 

Just finished Maariv. I think might of had a little bit of what it means to "surrender". Told Hashem that if lust hits me head on I'm almost definitely going to fall. I don't want to fall. Asked Hashem to take this one for me. As far as I'm concerned... ODAAT. Just living for tonight and zehu.