gibbor120 wrote:

No I hasn't seen that. Enlightening.Thanks Gibbor. 

Like you said, my Rebbe was supportive. He said that guys in  the past came to him for this. He said that these issues are widespread and most bachrim struggle with them at a certain extent. He said that if swearing is mutter he would swear that he looks at me as the same old (let's say shmira) that is trying to be a good yid. This is just my struggle. When I told him about the one time I had sex I think that surprised him but he just said that yes it's chamur and assur, but it's a struggle. He said he's thankful he doesn't have such a strong yh nor opportunities for such things because it can be a struggle for anyone. Big people fall prey too. He said "you obviously feel bad about it right? Did you do teshuvaha? now you just have to figure out how to deal with this." 
He said that I need to figure out what I have. If I have an addiction at all (perhaps I would add if yes what "level" of addiction) Something tried to do in the past and stopped. Perhaps will try to figure that out whatever that means.

Any comments, suggestions, or direction on my last point (or opinion if that's important at all) would be greatly appreciated. 

I am learning very triggering (at least for me) things in the next few days in college (studying a book for exam)Please please daven for me. I really don't want to fall. Chizzuk advise. Thanks. 
Already started tonight.. Not such great feelings.

It is your davening that will help.

This is hard I'm reading inappropriate things but indeed to do it for school I'm thinking back to when I got an unblocked phone and freaked out Cords told me (I'll say it in my own words that a trigger can be powerful just because I think it's powerful and freak out about it. I am having triggers right now but Davened and now taking deep breaths and moving forward I didn't put myself in this situation and I'm going to do what I can and leave it up to Hashem I'm not freaking out just feel if get this on the forum would be clearer to me and to stay connected to you guys I'm taking this one step at a times do I'm With Hashems help get through today today is just one day I can do it
this Hebrew setting is very annoying hopefully not too unclear 

KOT, we're rooting for you

shmirashachaim wrote on 29 Jun 2016 18:34:

Unclear?
You have a Hebrew breathing freakin' cord!

cordnoy wrote:

Very good..
but please correct me if I misquoted you

I can't do it. too many
triggers are happening at once. I am not in a good place. I will push off what I'm in middle of. I don't want to go somewhere where I might not have control. Can't take the chance. On line need to do something else and never got the darn computer blocked. Already had urges. I so don't want to fall. I really really really don't want to fall. This is hard. This is so hard!!! 

Sounds T/Rough ;-|

Shemira have you picked out your own star spangled Truck and are hauling along with GYE navigation tools?
Or perhaps your Rebbi gave you some good ones?
 

My tools is many scattered ideas from the handbook, some article, the forums, and Markz towing. My GPS might not be too sophisticated. Perhaps you have a suggestion.  

Is there any program of sorts that you do on a daily basis?
Also do you participate on daily calls eg Cordnoy?
btw his call is shelved till further notice :-(

No I am not part of any program. I actually have been trying to get around to fit my schedule around Cord's calls. Disappointed by his announcement today. Have read one page of the white book(is that the one? Don't remember) and I figured I would need to catch up to where he's up to. never sat in a call. But I realize that I will have to expand out of the forums and utilize more things. 

 Don't you dare

Leaving the forum is out of the question. I need friends like you!!!

Cords said his call is off for now
His phone is open
Try it out

Haha.. Meant expanding, not abandoning. I'm just not sure my soberiety will last being focused mainly on the forums.