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Re: Starting anew. again. 23 Jun 2016 03:35 #290578

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Gevura Shebyesod wrote:

Karl Marx wrote:

GUYS GIVE A HONK FOR SHEMIRAS!!!!

I was walking home from shul this morning and this guy in a big truck was honking like a meshigene for blocks at the car in front of him because he didn't start moving 3 seconds before the light turned green.

3 second rule is enforceable
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Last Edit: 23 Jun 2016 03:37 by Markz.

Re: Starting anew. again. 23 Jun 2016 12:38 #290595

Markz first you beep at me and then you bump me

Re: Starting anew. again. 23 Jun 2016 13:49 #290598

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I didn't wanna send you the YouTube link (Volvo truck braking), but if you look carefully the truck doesn't touch the car at all

Youre doing good, keep on moving forward OWAAT, just sometimes when a vehicle gets too close for comfort giving such a loud beep, it can be a soft message to pickup the phone and reach out for help before next time you slip / fall / crash c'v, because currently it seems to me your knuckles are gripped very tight / white at the wheel. 

However, if you're actually cruising nicely, that's great news!!!
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Re: Starting anew. again. 23 Jun 2016 21:58 #290611

Markz wrote:
I didn't wanna send you the YouTube link (Volvo truck braking), but if you look carefully the truck doesn't touch the car at all

Youre doing good, keep on moving forward OWAAT, just sometimes when a vehicle gets too close for comfort giving such a loud beep, it can be a soft message to pickup the phone and reach out for help before next time you slip / fall / crash c'v, because currently it seems to me your knuckles are gripped very tight / white at the wheel. 

However, if you're actually cruising nicely, that's great news!!!

You're right... The truck didn't  touch the Volvo, but I'm not all too sure if the Volvo braked or not. It could of been cruising nicely and the truck was just going too fast. 
But in all seriousness your honking means a lot to me. For my sake continue making noise, and you can go as fast as you want.

I don't feel as if I'm white knuckling but I could be I'm fooling myself. Any suggesting of know this would be appreciated.

I realize that I have been at this point in the past and the question begs what the next step is. What will I do that is different than last time? Another question begs what I would do if something happens between me and my wife. I can't fool myself that everything is OK. 

I'm seeing my Rebbe in a month but perhaps I will pick up the phone sooner.

I can't believe that I'm writing this even. This is insane. 

Re: Starting anew. again. 24 Jun 2016 05:16 #290639

Thinking things over today as can see. In the morning I was spaced out like crazy and I guess naturally had some fleeting thoughts fly by. I am greatful they didn't effect me as much as they would have in the past, and as I said- they flew by. Late night.. Not good. Going to sleep. gn 

Re: Starting anew. again. 24 Jun 2016 15:57 #290657

Called up my Rebbi this morning asking if I can get sometime with him over the phone. Seems like Monday might be the day.
if I actually go through with this it would be my first time putting myself out there besides the invisible guys on GYE and a couple of therapists.:grimacing:He will be the first person who actually knows me.  I have learnt hours upon hours with him and close to him. This would be extremely embarrassing. 

Re: Starting anew. again. 24 Jun 2016 16:10 #290660

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A day later you will be exhilarated
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Re: Starting anew. again. 24 Jun 2016 17:22 #290668

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I recently told my rebbi about gye and my struggles and it went fine. It took me close to three years on gye before I had the courage to tell a rebbi so you're waay ahead of me

We're all rooting for you!

Re: Starting anew. again. 24 Jun 2016 18:29 #290671

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Can't wait to hear how it went.  My "breakthrough" moments were not easy ones, but they were great ones.  They made the biggest difference.

Re: Starting anew. again. 27 Jun 2016 03:12 #290776

The whole telling my Rebbi thing has been going back and forth in my mind. Thoughts like "it won't help", "this is crazy how can you put yourself out like that", and even " everything seems fine right now.. Why do anything drastic" has been floating in here and there. 
Perhaps that's why Hashem made this whole morning out of whack. I slept longer then usual, but still feeling tired, out of it, spaced out.. Weird feelings seeping in a little. Not good ones. 
I decided to tell my Rebbi. Hopefully tomorrow. All I know is that guys here say it helps. I have seen over and over again the ridiculously true concept.. That the YH makes us forget the feeling of falling and that we are ok.  

‎החיים והמות נתתי לפניך הברכה והקללה,
ובחרת בחיים
I want life!!! 

I'm doing it. 
Thank everyone.

Re: Starting anew. again. 27 Jun 2016 04:07 #290779

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I won't be monitoring your call - cause I don't work for NSA ("the only part of government that listens")

just fyi you will get totally different responses based on how you put the question

"1) Rebbi I have a problem with shemiras einayim"

"2) Rebbi I have a problem with online porn. Before my marriage I did x etc..."

Dov wrote:

Too often, guys rely on generalities w their rov, out of shame (like, "I do 'zera levatola' a lot and even inappropriate images" )...many rabonim who have been asked were not given the whole truth, so they could not possibly pasken right for that person. Some still do not realize how crazy we are, or are in denial themselves. I know some of them personally.

To me, the only thing that makes this discussion relevant is whether you yourself have ever had to ask your real, live Rov about that issue when you yourself needed counseling - and explained to him exactly why you need the counseling help in order for to be able to give a true answer to the shayloh? If so, then the discussion is a great one to have. I have rabbonim who are experts in addiction whom you or anyone could ask for a psak on this openly and without shame

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Re: Starting anew. again. 27 Jun 2016 04:48 #290786

Thanks Markz for that point. As far as I know, I am talking to my Rebbi for chizzuk, to get out of my little box and make this more real. Real to myself, and all the other good stuff admiting to someone else does. Perhaps hadrachah as well. 

I don't see any relevant shailos that I am asking him like yichud that Dov was referring to there. Any clarification or references on how to approach my Rebbi would be appreciative. 

Re: Starting anew. again. 28 Jun 2016 01:32 #290849

Spoke to my Rebbe today. I felt as if a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. Someone who cares and knows me is aware of my situation and will always be there for me. 
Telling therapists helps but it's behind closed doors to a person that I don't know or see ever. I basically still had this secret to myself. In the past- time to time, I had the urge to forgot about this, stuff it in the  past, and move on. Now a real person who knows me knows about it. I'm in this for the long haul. 
The reality of it hit me in a way it never did before as I was speaking to him. I cried. I don't think ever cried like that before. It made it so much more real. 
My inside world now relates to my outside world. Until now it was good old me doing the right thing outside and a creep doing the wrong thing in the inside. The inside and outside is now more one person trying to do the right thing. This I guess is because I talked to one of the people of my "outside world" about my deep dark secrets of my "inside world". 
I also hope it helps against self-deception and "others" deception as guys say. Makes me more of a real guy I guess for "fessing up". 
Markz, my response to you was dumb. I told my Rebbe everything as it is. It was hard but its good that I did.Thanks for that.  Still can't believe I told him those things, but I got it out. 

Re: Starting anew. again. 28 Jun 2016 13:16 #290891

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You had your "captain kirk" moment.  If you haven't already, check out one of the first (maybe the first) dov quotes (link in my signature).

How did your rebbi react?  Were your fears realized?  Can you tell us more?  Did he have any advice, or did he just listen?  No pressure.  Tell as much or as little as you are comfortable with.

MAZAL TOV on taking this amazing step!

Re: Starting anew. again. 28 Jun 2016 14:58 #290904

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You are a tremendous inspiration. No words.
Aka -  Mischadeish075 Email mischadeish075@gmail.com
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