Shmira - as always ... an imspiration

Hot
Attractive
Lustful
Tempting 


The other Halt, a little sneaky

Hi everyone. I introduced myself by re-committing to us GYE in order to be healed from this addiction and my pledge to post somewhere on this forum at least once every day. I failed this pledge for the last week. Why? not from complete laziness. not because i felt that I didn't need it any more. I failed it because i got married and the roller coaster called sheva brachos made it hard or impossible to post. But even though this might be a valid excuse, no excuse is good enough to resolve slacking off oxygen. Unless impossible of course, no one would slack off eating for a day because we need food to survive and not doing so gives us hunger pains as a reminder that we must feed ourselves in order to survive. The same, I feel, is for recovery for addiction. I need to do something every day to help me recover. Is a continuously working process that should give me HUNGER PAINS when i don't do so. It should give me an uncomfortable feelings like hunger pains that remind me i need to be fed in order to survive. I want to beat this thing and have a wonderful marriage. I can't let marriage get in the way of GYE because I need a continuous connection to GYE to make a wonderful marriage. Please accept me back into this incredible community so that I can continue to learn and connect to what I'yH will enable me to be victorious!
Please Hashem guide me on the path of sobriety and help me be consistent on staying on that path.
Because no matter how many times I trip on the path of sobriety, as long as I'm still on it, I will be victorious.  

Mazel tov. You were always accepted.

Mazal tov!, it should be a wonderful new home amongst the Jewish people filled with blessings of joy and peace and all the good things GD has to offer.

 

Hey Shmira! Mazel Tov!!!!!!!!!! Thats great. We began this most recent leg of our journey at almost the same time. It was getting lonely here without you! looking forward to good things!

The greatest Mazel Tov is the fact that when we get lust under control our marriage is often on a much higher plateau!!!

The more we work on ourselves and stay with the GYE chevra, it overflows to other areas too

so

KEEP ON TRUCKING with ribbons on front!!

Mazal Tov! 

Mazel Tov!!
Great to have you back!!

Thanks everyone for your welcome and brachos! Please keep them coming!
I am B'H back to my regular schedule today and able to designate a time slot for GYE. I feel that its important to designate a time slot because if I don't do so it will fall to the wayside. So I'yH i will be more consistent. I can already tell that in marriage my time isn't my own time and my wife will know my schedule, and at least for now I obviously don't want her to know about this, so it might get difficult keeping up with this. But it's a good thing that at the end of seder, instead of being in Yeshiva coming closer to Hashem by learning Gemarah, I am- at least for a little bit of time, in Yeshiva coming closer to Hashem by building my foundation of being a good person and a good Jew.
I feel weird. Here I am married and presenting myself to my wife as a certain person who has high values, masmid, bal middos, knows torah, etc. and even though this might to some degree be true, I feel a little bit of a fraud. I don’t think telling her of what I have is an option, but I am working on a midah that I have been struggling with for a while that perhaps will continue to lead me on the right way. I always had a terrible midah of obsessing what others think about me. This came out it many ways. One for example is my image. Yes, I considered myself someone who wants to come closer to Hashem, but I did a lot to make sure others knew about it. Another is my obsession on what I say to others. I needed to be accepted and even more I needed to be respected. This had a correlation with acting out because of all the pressure I would feel when I felt I wasn’t succeeding in keeping up my image or saying the right things at the right times would urge me to let all that pressure out by acting out. I have been trying (albeit how hard it is) to stop focusing as much on what others think of me and rather what Hashem thinks of me, or better yet what I think of me. Focus on what I need to do to grow and not what to do to make sure everyone likes me and respects me. I am trying to continue this by being real with my wife, and being very open with a lot of things and even though I present myself as someone with confidence on who I am, I represent myself in a realistic and open way. May Hashem grant me the freedom from this horrible addiction and hiding and enable me to grow into someone full of emes and use all my kochos to do the right thing in life.

Mazel Tov!!!

May you be Zoche to build together a Bayis Neeman BeYisroel filled with Kedusha and Simcha!!

I'm on my 54th day of sobriety. On one hand an incredible feat but on the other hand i am not so close to the 90 day "finish" line. Yes, the "look at it each day" concept is in my mind, but the rush of life and is starting to make it more of a fuzz called "somewhere between where I started and 90 days" and starting to loose focus of what i am supposed to be doing now in order to succeed. 
Yesterday I got a very dangerous feeling: smug. i was asked on a different thread for advice on what to do when tired, and i went ahead to give him a detailed response on my opinion and personal experience. I couldn't help feeling good the whole day. i felt like those guys always posting on the forum and offering advise to people at the beginning of their journey. And the irony is that I was tired when i wrote my response and for various reasons i was exhausted later in the day. It was crazy because it was insanely difficult. Lusting feelings came. my mindset changed and i almost succumbed. It was frightening that just that day i was confidently saying how to deal with such situations like it was easy and then i went through it that night. I'm on my 54th day. I'm a newbie. What i warned myself when started my journey again was not to lose focus that im still sick and i need a lot work to do to get a hold om this illness and a lifetime to keep it in check. Now i realized i cant get too smug. I need to focus on how i am going to heal. I will give the little advise i can offer, but its from someone that desperately needs guidance himself and still in the beggining stages of this journey. May Hashem help me on my journey to a point that i can help  others, but not to loose focus that i need help myself. 
 

Gevura Shebyesod wrote on 20 Mar 2016 19:27:

and thanks Gevurah for your warm mazal tov! Amen to your bracha and we should share many more simchos together! hopefully my 90 day mark!!!!!!

I  actually spent some time on Gye earlier this morning but got busy and planned to continue later... Its right before shabbas and i have a million excuses not to be on here right now. But i told myself this is oxygen. I need to stay connected and stay focused. So here I am posting and saying to myself that on my 56th day of my journey. I feel good B'H but telling myself eventhough today i might feel good tomorrow i might not. I need to tell myself this even later when i say eventhough this week i feel good or this year i feel good tomorrow imight not. Good shabbas!

Shemira! You are simply an inspiration. You are doing great, but you are not losing sight of the tools that you put in place to be able to stay on the amazing path that you are on. Thanks for being there!