Welcome,

I don't know that you are necessarly the worse off. Perosnally, I am married with children and hold a decent job (albiet decent is relative to the cost of living.) I have also viewed porn and dating sites to chat with women. BH I am not that good looking nor do i have money to even treat a female to a nice dinner. So I never really got too far. But would I have continued if I was able to? Who knows but its surely possible. I feel for you and I want you to know that I share your struggles to some degree. There is a PM option and feel free to use it if you wanna chat.

It can take some time.  You will find your way.  Just NEVER EVER GIVE UP!  Read the handbook.  Read and post on the forum.  I highly recommend the "dov quotes".  You can find the link in my signature.

Welcome ! I haven't got much to add after this huge welcome party. All i can say is that you are in the right place. You say that you are still confused to which way  you should pursue. I have a small suggestion, for starters, try staying sober, even if it's just for today, the clarity of a sober mind is priceless. 

Reb MyGollyGollySugarBallsMonstaSteamer

I think "trying" was tried already, our friend is looking for something that works

How about we do this;
Let's share with our new friend what's worked for us

Ill share what has worked for me (read my story) and more importantly - checkout the "success stories" in the "Free towing" page - both are below the belt

 Now Reb What'syourname, please share what has worked for you

You can start by reading the GYE handbook. Alternatively, you can start by reading Cordnoy's thread Tryin or Mikvah Night.

Or you can send Dov a private message and ask him if he can talk on the phone with you.

Or you can start by posting more of your story on the forum- actually getting into it so people can connect to it. That's not a bad place to start.

But maybe the first step- what were the points of access that you contacted these women through? Can you do anything to block those off in the meantime? (Meaning if they were from some chat or FB, can you unfriend them somehow? If their personal friends, can you delete their phone number?)

But definitely don't be paralyzed; do something.

Hi all, I definitely feel right in place here. Hearing from so many ppl that there are success stories gives me chizuk.  I contacted the women thru various social media. They are not personal friends. I closed my FB account, but I still have other social media, which I will try to avoid. But I wanna be a little smart. Say, in a week from now I'll have the urge again to contact them. I need something that will help me get stronger. I should be able to tell myself NO DONT DO IT! I'll read thru the handbook as suggested. I tried downloading it yesterday but I couldn't open the file. I'd like to hear from the clean guys, what helped for you. Thank you all!

Why wont you instal a tough filer on your computer that just wont allow you to access these places? and you will say בּרוך שׁפטרנו

That's a good suggestion. But... That doesn't mean I worked on myself. That means my computer, cell, etc. won't let me get to social media. But if there a will there's a way. I'll still want to get around somehow. 1st of all a filter is usually bypassable. 2nd I can try to locate a device that is not filtered.  I will install a filter. But that isn't gonna do the trick.

If the problem lies in the brain then a filter isn't a solution. It may be necessary and it may help, but it won't be a solution.

Of course a filter alone wont cure anybody, but instaling a filter will take off a chunk of the mess.
 

Right! So what filter is good, something that I won't be able to bypass?

Okay I'm recording on my phone so this is going to be a ramble so bear with me, what work for me is as follows, if it has any worth, I knew that eventually there was going to be a challenge that just like in the past I failed I was likely to fail again, it was going to be a need, a desire that would likely overpower me,  I would fight maybe for a little bit but I would eventually give in. I therefore got honest with myself and said well what are you going to do to prepare yourself for the inevitable, i was scared,  so I called up somebody and I confessed my weaknesses my difficulties my failures and my fear of it, and I was brutally honest and I did it may be a couple days later again, and in between this I posted on the forum regularly at least a few times a day and again an exercise in honesty and humility and lo and behold when the challenge came around I wasn't overwhelmed I felt that I had the strength of my brothers I felt humble and somehow i looked away or walked away.  I didn't feel that I would fight it, I felt like this is something that I'm blessed to not have fallen in and thank God I didn't fall.

Some basic filtering and usage limit commitments helped create a safer playing field, but the game stays the same. 

Reach out, open up, get real. THIS takes balls. 

Don't wait till the enemy is in the gate. 

Rightkedusha wrote on Unknown:


Of course it won't. You're here to change the behavior and you want to make it harder to access so you can catch yourself if you're about to do something in a moment of weakness. But if you're focused on trying to find a way to act out, you definitely will.

If you're here and your ready to work and are actually committed to change, THAT will stop you from acting out.

I agree I need a filter. So what are your suggestions for a good filter. 

Filter? The reason WG mentioned on 5th post on this page is the best - reduce contact

​I have to disagree with what WG wrote last
"If you're here and your ready to work and are actually committed to change, THAT will stop you from acting out."

Sorry pal. We all tried that till discovering gye. It didn't work

I'm gonna get slammed again for my comment on filter, but here goes

I have a low level lust struggle, and rely some level of restrictions ("good night calendar" absolutely protects me from unfiltered phones, and Covenant eyes reportin system is a backup I have on my PC's)

When I was lusting and couldn't access a computer, I'd pickup in the middle of the night to purchase porn magazines etc...

RKedusha, I don't believe filtering is what you should be focused on now. 

Find what actually works, then add the filter as backup

The filter alone does NOT work for me, and is not the reason for existence of gye

Which is why when you click 'filter' on the gye dropdown it takes you OUT of gye to a different website (the admin will have my head for saying this)

So - get onto cordnoys call in 20 min and take it from there

KEEP ON TRUCKING


Mark