Hi,

I am living in London with an immense weight on my shoulders. I have been struggling for many years on and off (more on than off though) and it is having a detrimental effect on my relationships (especially that of my wife) and also affects my productivity.

There are several difficulties in life which I am sure everyone has....but they seem to be the rationale when I slip up. Marriage also has its ups and downs and that can often be a cause too including struggling with infertility and finances etc. BH we have one beautiful daughter K'EH who is now turning two and my wife wants to do another cycle which is bound to be another great test for me (as well as her - albeit in different ways! )

With the several cycles we have done previously and the one successful attempt, they were tough, but the pregnancy time itself was a dark period of my life with me doing lots of regrettable (not terrible but far from ideal) things and I am worried about that happening again.

I am looking for support and help through this and to become clean once and for all. Like this we can all live free and have a clear conscience.

Thanks for reading and look forward to winning this fight - and helping others to do so too!

Welcome to the club

Welcome! You mentioned that you had a hard time while your wife was pregnant. Do you have any thoughts about that?

Welcome,

All your prayers should be answered.

WELCOME! Read the handbook. Keep posting. You have taken an important first step. Keep it up!

Yes it was awful! It was a mixture of a lack of attraction at the time and hormones (hers weren't half as bad as some people I've seen). But generally things have there ups and downs... Like now - you probably don't need to our want to know but we just had an argument because she resents every time I go over to my parents. My mum is not very able and she needed some help around the house this morning. I told my wife in going to go over there for a bit and when i got home (after doing some errands for my wife too) she started complaining about the fact i went over etc. I said that she'd said i can but she told me she didn't mean it... Just felt she couldn't say no. I told her that I'd prefer knowing beforehand rather than just laying into me when i get home. Is these kind of things that drive me to do things I shouldn't! Any thoughts?

Welcome!

I've done a few cycles of fertility treatment, and definitely could relate. PM me if you need someone to vent to. I know it's not easy, especially with lust addiction...

committed to change! wrote:

kinda sounds like women

You must do what they want, not what they "say" they want.

You must read between the lines. Trial and error... lots of them .

gibbor120 wrote:


kinda reminds me of this ad:

HEy commited to change! You came to the right place friend (or do they say "mate" where you from).

committed to change! wrote:


Don't take this the wrong way but sometimes when people say these words (in red) it means they don't want to admit fully to themselves that they are doing something wrong (denial), I hope that is not your case but if it is then you be better getting to the bottom of it.

Chazak V'emutz

It seems to all be error... ! Sometimes you just can't win!

Thanks for your message! I have been called far worse so anything is fine!

I'm not in denial.... But when i said not terrible i was referring to my actions... Not being totally loyal - i guess i felt pushed away.... Not that I'm trying to justify it in any way!

And now we're a day after the disagreement and she's still giving silent treatment and avoiding me touching her or anything. She is pretty good at the whole silent treatment thing and can do it for a couple of weeks straight although to be fair she has been trying to work on that a little lately.

Problem is, i end up rationalising saying that if ur not interested them I'll just ' take care' of myself. Does anyone else have similar issues and what is the best way to deal with it?

Thanks in advance!

committed to change! wrote:

committed to change! wrote:

Is it possible that when intimate with your wife it's also from the view of "I'll take care of myself"?

Perhaps you meant to say that your Shalom bayit puts you in a bad mood, and it's the bad mood that 'compels' you to look for an outlet, and therefore acting out is the result?

Hatzlacha