Congrats! I see you just made it to 90. How'd you do it?

Well it's not such a long story found here, some other shining lights on this website have a longer story, each man with his own unique truck route.

I hope to be able to give the names of people greater than me, and share with you soon, perhaps even tonight if Gd wills.

I tried the 90 days but only made it to day 14. My longest clean streak was as you had it over rosh hashana thru sukkos. And exactly as you spelled it out. Once I went make to normal routine lust came back.

Bottom line you are ahead of me in the inyan keep shtigeing!

Wow! That's neat how similar you're experience has been to mine. I'm not sure how much ahead of you I am.
You mentioned the 12 steps in one of your other posts. From looking at "initial evaluation" it seems the 12 steps is for stage 6 and higher. Have you tried everything up until the tools for stage 6?

Welcome to GYE! There are links for the new comer in my signature below. Motze Shabboss was a very hard time for me as well. It took me a long time to dissociate Saturday nights with acting out. I second the post from Cordnoy above.

Hatzlacha!

Thank you! That was a very nice response to this gentlemans question! Indeed, I agree that it is very hard on shabbos when you see all the gorgeous women. I unfortunaltly suffer with this, EVERY DAY as I live in LA. It is crazy and you must keep your head down.

You will be able to fight this..it first starts with the attitude and the want!

SimonConfused wrote:


I'm glad (not really, but you know what I mean) to see that others can identify with my struggle. It seems you are new to GYE as well. Have you taken any steps yet or are you still browsing around like me?

I am looking into Taphastic and in touch with a very helpful individual on GYE.

It gets very tricky for me. If the only sin I do is M"Z I lack motivation. Of course its wrong and I know it can bring me to do worse stuff as it has done in the past. But my mind plays games telling me hey as long as I am not doing the real terrible stuff is my life so unmanageable and depressing? I am kind of at the cross roads.

WELCOME BT.BH! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I also struggled with porn and masturbation for about 10 years before I got married. I had some "clean streaks" in that time, but could never quite kick it. Once I got married, things got much better for a while... then they got worse. So, I've been there.

My wife caught me 6+ years ago (after being married for over 10 years), and B"H I have been sober since. The jolt of getting caught kept me sober for a while, but I was "white knuckling" it. Meaning, I did not make any fundamental change, I just "tried harder". And it worked for about 2 years, but had I not found GYE I'm not sure that it would have lasted.

I learned new approaches here that made it possible to be "in recovery" instead of just "trying harder". I learned a new way of thinking that has made it much easier. I reached out to the chevra here, even met a few on the phone and even in person.

For that reason, I caution about putting too much faith in the 90 days or even taphsic. People tend to like the tools that are comfortable and don't require reaching out to real people. But reaching out is THE most POWERFUL tool.

I don't have time to get into lengthy details, but read the handbook, stick around. I have some good stuff in my signature too. It can take some time to find your way around here. Just keep at it, and NEVER EVER GIVE UP! Don't be afraid to do something that can really help you. You will probably have to go out of your comfort zone to get real help.

Be open to hear what the chevra has to say. Many have been helped here. You can be too.

Gibbor120,

Re, "People tend to like the tools that are comfortable and don't require reaching out to real people. But reaching out is THE most POWERFUL tool."

I am a novice. But it is my understanding that if you truely want to succeed in taphsic you will need a chaver to guide you and you will indeed need to reach out, as it can get tricky at times. Please correct me if I am wrong.

WELCOME! Gye is a great place to help yourself.

waydown wrote:


Reaching out with an open ear is a tool all by itself.

waydown wrote:


Perhaps agav, but reaching out, and open honest sharing is not the ikkar of taphsic. At best, it's a tafel if it is done at all.

I have a similar problem. If I'm upset about something, that's often a trigger. There are days I'll go to the gym and see tons of attractive women and I don't act out. Other days, I hardly see anybody and I act out. Going to sleep early helps.

startrekuser wrote:


My personal experience is that I became accustomed to acting out as an escape from my problems. I refer not only to my external problems, but the deficits and emptiness that I felt from within. The discontent and feelings of hopelessness. My acting out, of course, only fed those feelings and made them worse and so I had to escape and act out even more. I didn't need beautiful people to trigger me. I would seek them out and objectify them. That viscous cycle was broken by a power outside of and greater than myself. I like to believe that God heard my pain and sent me a reprieve. That reprieve I believe is renewed on a daily basis so long as I work a vigorous program. Being tired, hungry, angry and/or lonely weakens me and is an impediment to my program. They aren't my problem, but they may prevent me from adequately working on my spiritual fitness. If I'm not in a fit spiritual condition I may act out. They may also be symptoms of a deeper problem. I'm tired because I'm up late or not getting proper rest? Why aren't I getting proper rest? Do I have anxiety? Am I having financial worries? etc etc Where am I spiritually?