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Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery?
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TOPIC: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 14294 Views

Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 22 Nov 2015 17:04 #269302

  • skeptical
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I don't understand.

I don't see what you are trying to say with your post that you are qi.

I also still don't understand what you are saying about the poll.

I thank you for clarifying.
Last Edit: 22 Nov 2015 17:26 by skeptical.

Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 22 Nov 2015 17:45 #269304

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My vote is SA.
To explain: I don't know what or why it was, but in SA I got the crucial change in attitude I needed to get sober.

Could I have gotten it here if I opened my ears, shut up and listened? Maybe. But the question asked was what is my primary source of recovery, and mine is SA.

I have a lot to say on this subject, but as proven earlier in private chats, it wont do me much good.

I do however owe everything to GYE and Guard. Without this site, I never would've joined OINK, which led me to joining SA. (There's a lot to be said about the difference between those two too, but also not for now)
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 22 Nov 2015 22:22 #269328

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skeptical wrote:
I also still don't understand what you are saying about the poll.

I thank you for clarifying.


I would like to be as helpful to others as possible (as a seldom obtained ideal). It became clear to me (I'm a little slow) that I was not being helpful with my comments on this thread so I stopped. I'd like to apologise to Cordnoy and Skep for messing up this thread.

KUTGW.
Last Edit: 22 Nov 2015 22:23 by Watson.

Re: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 22 Nov 2015 22:50 #269330

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skeptical wrote:
Dr. Watson

Remember all those members who used to post on this forum regularly and have now gone? Why did they leave? Is it because they recovered and have not acted out since they left, or did they give up trying? Could we have done any more to help those people? Another useful poll, although impossible to conduct, would be to find out how those guys are doing now.


There's probably a bit of both. And if the person left because s/he gave up, there's not a thing GYE could do to help, the same way there's not a thing an SA group could do to save people from leaving there and giving up.

Which members are you referring to?

Many have had to leave GYE for practical reasons - no/limited internet access, busy life, etc.

I am in touch with a few guys who are no longer able to make it onto GYE, and they are continuing to do well, boruch Hashem.



Skep, How long was it, after you came here, before you spoke to a person on the phone and how long before you met someone in real life? Oh yea and how long were you sober, when to spoke to and met with the first person? If you don't mind me asking .

PS. I love the quote from your wife.
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Last Edit: 22 Nov 2015 22:56 by serenity.

Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 22 Nov 2015 23:09 #269332

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Watson wrote:
skeptical wrote:
I also still don't understand what you are saying about the poll.

I thank you for clarifying.


I would like to be as helpful to others as possible (as a seldom obtained ideal). It became clear to me (I'm a little slow) that I was not being helpful with my comments on this thread so I stopped. I'd like to apologise to Cordnoy and Skep for messing up this thread.

KUTGW.


Nothin' to apologize for.
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 23 Nov 2015 14:59 #269388

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GYE got me in the door, but I credit most of my progress to speaking with (and sometimes meeting) real people. Being able to share my darkest secrets and not die helped me to accept myself and gave me a healthy outlet for my negative feelings. Sharing with someone who understands is really powerful. If I were in trouble now, I would not come to GYE for help. I would call one of the friends I met on GYE. Real problems need real people.

Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 23 Nov 2015 16:50 #269399

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serenity

Skep, How long was it, after you came here, before you spoke to a person on the phone and how long before you met someone in real life? Oh yea and how long were you sober, when to spoke to and met with the first person? If you don't mind me asking .


I joined GYE the day before Erev Yom Kippur. I read the forum often, but was mostly rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of it until the 2nd day of Chanukah, when I decided to start going clean. A couple of months later, around February, I started chatting, and then I started posting. I began building relationships through the chat feature with the regulars at the time. When summer came, one of the GYE members I regularly chatted with was going to camp. He wanted to be in touch with GYE when he wouldn't have internet access. I, and a few others, shared our phone numbers with him, and I spoke to him at least once a week. Towards the end of the summer, I was coming to visit family near where this member lived. We made up to meet. We walked up and down the streets, for about 2 hours, talking, while my wife shopped. At that point, I had been sober 7 months (minus about an hour, a month or so before). I had actually fallen again the day before meeting him and I shared it with him, in person, before I posted about it on GYE.

At the time, there were some people on GYE who created the OINK group in Israel, and they were raving about how meeting GYE members face-to-face was a game changer. The day after I met this member in person, we both confessed to each other that we didn't see what the big deal was. We felt the same connection meeting in person as we did speaking on the phone, and the same connection speaking on the phone as we did chatting.
Last Edit: 23 Nov 2015 17:24 by skeptical.

Re: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 23 Nov 2015 21:01 #269434

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Watson wrote:

IMO:
- If you're a real addict (you have an illness of the mind, body and spirit and) you need the 12 steps, the first of which (step zero) is to turn off your computer, pick up a phone and call SA.
- If you're not an addict (you're a regular guy who made some mistakes) ................ how should I know, ask someone else.


Watson,
Could it be there's more than one type of addict? Rabbi Twerski's definition of addiction is (I think) anyone who is trying to change a pattern of behavior and is not succeeding. That seems to cover a wide range of levels of addiction.

I've been off GYE for a few days, so sorry for beating a dead horse, just wanted to get this out there.
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Re: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 02 Mar 2016 14:55 #279939

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cordnoy wrote:
Hey!
Thanks for this poll.
My answer is # 4; other.
The reasonin' bein' is that although I was clean/sober several times (over 90) with just GYE, I felt the "white knucklin'" and although i went to SA, I fell afterwards as well. T'was the combo effect of GYE, SA and the interaction with live people that brought me to where I am today.
That bein' said, I still need lots of work, and the white/big books are an integral part of that.

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Re: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 02 Mar 2016 23:15 #280013

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Chose 3.

From me it's such a big reyah since I wasn't so deep in addiction as many other people here.
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 04 Mar 2016 07:51 #280229

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My vote is other. Because HaShem is number one source my recovery. And number two is my wife and family. 
How any man can look his wife when he is guilty  . I do not do something I would be ashame to say
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 08 Mar 2016 20:09 #280684

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I voted "other" and mainly had the NoFap.com website in mind.

No offense intended to this wonderful GYE site, which raises the recovery process to a wholly (and "holy") different level by bringing HaShem into the picture, but BeHashgacha Pratit the things that "triggered" my journey were:
  1. my discovery of the famous TedX talk by Gary Wilson:  "The Great Porn Experiment", which led me to
  2. the NoFap.com website -- where I saw how even secular "Bnei Noach" relying purely on Science and on personal observations had come to the conclusion that porn consumption creates devastating damage to physiological function and to relationships!

BTW: while some here might "raise eyebrows" on participation in a mixed, non-Frum, environment (and I do not encourage Frum Jews who are accustomed exclusively to closed, protected, environments to forcibly explore the "outside world"), I personally feel a benefit from being active on NoFap.com as well, because:
  1. Frankly, I very much enjoy the interpersonal interactions there. Although quite different in style from the interactions here on GYE, they are usually of high quality, and often a bit more responsive than what I've experienced here so far.
  2. I feel a sense of "Shlichut" there. I do my best to conduct myself in a manner that will promote Kiddush HaShem. And while I respect the "secular" nature of that website, I've been known to subtly mention GYE here and there, in the hope that fellow Jews there might perhaps decide to check out GYE as well.
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 08 Mar 2016 22:44 #280705

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If the one factor you say about gye is that they bring Hashem into the picture, you obviously don't spend too much time here. But that's fine, do what works for you.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 09 Mar 2016 00:38 #280714

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cordnoy wrote on 08 Mar 2016 22:44:
If the one factor you say about gye is that they bring Hashem into the picture, you obviously don't spend too much time here. But that's fine, do what works for you.

Maybe I did not make myself clear , and maybe I indeed need to spend even more time here. 

But -- hoping that I do not end up "sticking foot deeper into mouth" -- let me try to explain what I meant:
  • Not sure what you thought I meant by "the one factor I say about GYE."  I certainly did not mean that that is the only, or even the main, theme behind GYE!

    I have read the complete GYE Handbook, and have spent quite a bit of time reading things on this site.  I know that the "12 Steps" is also a very big part of the mindset here at GYE, and I guess that I could/should have listed that as a major differentiator as well.  I also know that prominent and respected professionals, specializing in addiction, have worked hard to build a comprehensive program, involving multiple tools and techniques, to help people with all types and levels of sex-related addictions achieve recovery. And although I have not (yet) participated in any phone-in sessions (I'm not 100% sure that I really need this), I am aware that this too is another of the many truly-amazing resources offered here.
  • But what I've personally identified as the most useful thing for myself is the forum, where I am able to connect with others similarly trying to battle porn and acting out, read their stories, gain comfort in the very fact that I am not alone, and also ask for and receive advice.  It was in this respect that I was comparing the general atmosphere of GYE's forum with that of NoFap's forum.

    And so, once again, with all due respect to GYE: at the essential level, there is really not that much difference between the atmospheres in these two forums. Both forums are homes for a bunch of honorable people struggling with more-or-less the same type of problems. The experiences, the problems, and the questions are generally very similar in both cases. But -- and this is what I was trying to point out -- the main difference is in the general "style" between the two, in that NoFap is defined as a secular forum, and GYE is defined as an Orthodox Jewish Religious forum.

    At the "stylistic" level, this means the GYE forum very often uses a Frum, predominantly "Yeshivish," and I dare say also an "American Eshkenazi," style of language. And at a more substantial level, it is also "politically correct" to LeChatchila bring HaShem into the picture here at GYE -- whereas, at the secular NoFap site this is officially discouraged (and where it nevertheless happens, is almost always Xtian in nature).

So, hopefully you can now better understand my original point. And also understand why -- as a religious Jew -- I feel that the forum here at GYE refreshingly provides a different, more Kdusha-oriented, atmosphere, that complements the secular one at NoFap.

In no way did I mean to reduce this awe-inspiring GYE enterprise to only one dimension! 
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Re: Poll: What was your Primary Source of Recovery? 09 Mar 2016 00:49 #280716

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Hey, everyone means well. I dont think cordnoy meant [i know he can speak for himself i'm just sayin'] that you were reducing gye to one factor. I think he meant that its not really true that we talk so much about hashem. everyone has their own relationship with hashem. one of things i love about this site is that you dont have to be self conscious about bringing in hashem nor do you have to be self conscious about not bringing in hashem. easy does it. some of us might be heisa chasidim and some of us might be only marginally frum. but there is something else here that would make me hesitate before getting involved in a secular site. bottom line our lives are totally different than theirs. davening, trying to learn, tahars hamishpacha, our family structure etc etc etc. One of the great things about being on GYE is that when we talk about our lives we have a certain understanding of each other even though we dont know each other. it makes me feel a connection that i dont think i can feel "out there".

But then again, it really doesnt matter. There is deifinitely nothing wrong with that site and i looked at it and it seems really interesting and well done. so if i thought it can work for me i would do it. why not? and i applaud and thank you - yesodi - for sharing your experience. also the other stuff you wrote about the tedx talk is super interesting and thnak you for sharing that with us.

have a crazy awesome night
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