I don't want a bunch of people to be my cheerleaders and tell me I can do it.

I'm sure you'll tell me I have a problem or an addiction, but I see that being tossed around too easily around here.

Yes, I masturbate and I do it often. Sometimes 2 or 3 times a day sometimes once or twice a week.

I have a wife that drives me crazy sometimes (as do most wives) but is really a wonderful woman. However, I get very little sexual satisfaction with her so I suplement on my own. Obviously I know it's wrong otherwise I wouldn't be here, but I don't think having a high sex drive is necessarily an addiction.

I don't see an issue of lust. Why can't I love and lust my wife? Why is that wrong? Ok, I should be more spiritual, but why does my spirituality have to be tied into my lust?

I don't know if I belong here or if there's even hope for a guy like me, but I do know that I'm doing something wrong by masturbating.

I dunno, just want to see what's what around here I guess.

Welcome

There's a guy that recently joined called waydown and he raised some of the things you mentioned. Maybe check him out

All the best Yaakov

Welcome

I knew it was wrong for 30 years (still did it).

b'hatzlachah on figurin' thin's out.

oilam is here to help....at your convenience.

Welcome!

Firstly for me one of the main reasons to stop is that it's not a choice - definitely an addiction for me. You say you don't think it's an addiction - can you hold back if you try? If not, think about that.
I'm not married, but another reason I want to end this before I do is that whether or not (and especially if not) one is sexually satisfied by his wife, masturbating can only make it less special and fulfilling. I'm no marriage counsellor or therapist, just my two cents.

Not sure what else to say right now, BUT - there is always hope. Never say there isn't!! So well done on you for speaking your thoughts, and good luck with whatever you put your mind to.

Keep sharing, keep talking.

Hi Yakov and Welcome,

Lets put the Addiction thing at the side for now. If you want to masturbate, for whatever reason, then go ahead. We are not here to tell you don't masturbate. This is between you and Hashem. If you do not want to masturbate, for whatever reason that is, then stop Masturbating, period.

If you cant stop, for whatever reason (because you dont get satisfaction from your wife, or you have a strong sex drive, or you dont know how to control yourself, or perhaps you are an addict, or all of the above), then you came to the right place. On GYE many people come here to find ways to stop unwanted sexual behavior. We find tools and tips how to quit doing things we do not want to do. Many learn that actually they are addicts. But this happens with time, when they see that the tools that will work for non-addicts does not work for them.

Stay here, and Bezras hashem you will find the right tools you need.

Hatzlacha

Thanks for the understanding replies. Just not interested in being labeled an addict and lustful (which I don't see as being a problem) etc etc

Honestly, I probably can't stop and it has become more frequent over the years. I've been married for 15+ years and have always had a high sex drive and access to porn. But the more I feel rejected the more I find my own pleasures.

I also love chocolate and nosh, and have a very hard time not indulging. Why is masturbating treated so much worse than any other guilty pleasure?

Please excuse my ignorance, but I often have a hard time differentiating between questions and statements, so if you really didn't want any answers/opinions, as indicated in your initial post, feel free to ignore.

YaakovP wrote:
Do you think the relationship between emotional rejection and the escape to porn is "normal?"

YaakovP wrote:
Is the "guilty pleasure" of nosh also linked to your emotional state? Why do you think masturbation is considered worse?

Looking forward to hearing more from you (if you want, of course).
All the best, Moshe

Welcome Yaakov! there is help here if you seek it out and answers if you want them. also support if you so desire. we are kind of like a vending machine you see, you gotta push the buttons to get the "candy". (although sometimes if you figuratively "push ppls buttons" w/o pushing the buttons as i was just referring 2 you may get a response anyways )

YaakovP wrote:


Mine was more than 20.
chocolate as well.

If you equate the actin' out with chocolate, so be it...we are not forcin' you to be here.
If it's not worse by you, continue on your merry way.....my life was beginnin' to suck; that's why I started recovery.

b'hatzlachah

YaakovP wrote:


I relate to the chocolate thing!! I used to buy a chocolate bar every time i went to the grocery for our weekly shopping (yes I do the weekly [and dailly ;) , but at the daily did it fast so didn't have time to sneak a chocolate] grocery shopping). I also ate it behind my wifes back the same way i masturbate behind her back. And you know what I recall asking Dov this same question, why is this worse than eating chocolate?!?!

Interestingly, when I stoped Masterbating a little over a half year ago, i made a resuolution, that i wont do a thing that a cant share with my wife. That same day, i went shopping. When I reached for the chocolate bar, I though to myself, am i ready to tell my wife about it? Then the shame came to me, and i returned the chocolate bar to the shelf. And you know what? B"h I am clean 243 days from Masturbation, and i am also clean from eating chocolate for 243 days!!!!!

Hello my friends,

We're here to follow Hashem's will, we depend on him on every breath we give. And Hashem just hates that, so how can we expect and ask him to fulfill our needs in every walk of life when we turn our back on him big time?
I can't understand the cold response the esteemed oilem here is giving on such highly sensitive issue. furthermore married yiden who understand its great value, how can they just trash it?

Eyeglasses wrote:
Welcome!
Perhpaps start your own thread and tell us a bit about yourself?

Eyeglasses wrote:


great question!!

I once heard a lesson on Chinuch. The Teacher said he is constantly asked by parents, HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL/REMIND MY SON THAT HE NEEDS TO LEARN????

His answer is: ONCE ON TEN YEARS IS ENOUGH!!! if the child has a poor memory then he needs to be reminded once in five years.

if he doesnt learn then there mat be a reason for that. but not that the child FORGOT that he needs to learn.

We dont need to tell anyone above the age 15, or remind him, that Hashem does not want or like this. Everyone knows. It is betwenn each personal individual and Hashem. Obviously if he has this issue then the wotd SIN alone will not help him. He needs more tools and tips to help not SIN(as you call it).

WELCOME! I'm not quite sure what to say since I'm not quite sure what you want. You seem to want to stop. You seem to think it's wrong, but you also seem to think it's not so bad.

You say that you masturbate because your wife doesn't satisfy you. Many here thought that, but then found out it was just the opposite. Because they masturbate, watch porn etc. their wives don't feel like "performing". I'd recommend reading the shalom bayis thread (there is a link in my signature). I know that it is an extreme case, but I think it makes this point very well.

Many, but not all, have reported similar results. When the porning and mastrubating stops, the wife becomes more loving, more attractive, and better in bed. It can take some time and patience though.

As far as chocolate goes. They can really be similar if they are used as a way to escape the pain of real life. Someone who is depressed and eats chocolate is essentially doing the same thing. Escaping. Some escapes are more damaging than others.

You would have to ask G-d why masturbating and porning is so spiritually damaging. I don't know "why". That's just the way it is. (I can speculate that it is the most powerful way to bond to another person. Perverting for selfish pleasure is therefore very damaging, but that is just my personal conjecture, and not terribly relevant to the discussion)