shmulyz18 wrote:


WOW! the fact that ur here as a high school senior is very chashuv. keep it up!

Depression lust Depression lust Depression lust, it is a vicious cycle.

In my expeirences, I think I have used part of the 12 step program without even knowing it.

Meaning, the way I try to get out of depression is to know two things:

1. Happiness is in the mind, not the things that happen to me or things I obtain, the AR"I hakadosh says that בשמחה is the same letters as מחשבה and the bal shem tov says the word שמח is שם מח, so despite what today's american culture which says that what you have is makes you happy (that is a shmooz for itself) the truth is, is that it is all perception, how we look at things that determines happiness and that nothing and no one in the world can give me or take away from my happiness.

2. I may have very good excuses to be depressed; abusive and disfunctional home, struggling with parnassah, going through the tough shiduchim parsha, etc.. Those are certified justifications to be depressed, but I'm not looking to be right, I'm not looking for excuses, what I'm looking for is true happiness and that cannot be obtained if keep on making justifications, even if they are good justifications.

Just like the guy that is crossing the street when it's green and there is a car zooming down the block but the guy keeps walking and saying "I'm right, the light is green", that guy ended up dead right.

I hope I was clear.

Chazak V'emutz

Very clear.  Hashem should give you strength.

Shlomo24 wrote on Unknown:

I wrote in another thread that a big problem for me is that the yetzer harah keeps coming to me with loopholes, saying: nah this is not so bad... There is no issur... just check it out for a second...  And that's where he gets me.

I thought of a possible solution, is to constantly keep on guard by listening to shiurim, posting on this site, learning about lust, etc... those things keep me on guard so I don't fall for the loopholes.

I know by me I need somethin' that is in my head.

Mesayin wrote:


Mesayin you were asking me for a link in the forums for discussion of
HILCHOS SHMIRAS EINAYIM

Sorry I forgot - It's in the 'Mark of Torah'
HERE

It's not necessarily authoritative, but worth a read
Enjoy

Keep On T(orah-anytime)

cordnoy wrote on Unknown:

Care to explain what somethin'? 

Mesayin wrote on Unknown:

i always do....on my calls and here.
Distractions work as long as one has access to them and one has the will. Livin' life is always accessible, and who doesn't want life?

cordnoy wrote on Unknown:

Well I wasn't really talkin' about "distractions"  I was talking about keeping my guard up, but both are good ideas.

I'm only 22 but sometimes I feel like I'm 32 when it comes to "waiting" for shidduchim.

Here is some experience I have collected in the process:

Obviously when I have a slight slip (looked at the wrong thing, thoughts of lust etc...) then it becomes harder and I become depressed about my shidduch status, but I've come to realize that this depression feeling is just a passing thing and that as soon as the lustful thought go out of my head then I would be happy again, additionally I try convincing  myself that marriage is not a hospital for lust and I really don't want to marry because of it.

Really the only way to stay happy while struggling with shidduchim is bitachon in Hashem, I don't think there is another way, here are a few bitachon tips:

1. Hashem feels my entire pain but he is still holding it back from me cause he loves me and knows that it is best for me not to have one yet.
2. Every prayer and every good deed I do as a zchus for shidduchim gets stored away, even if I don't get answered right away, Hashem puts them in a safe place and later in my life when I need it then he will use it.
3. There is one good thing about being single, it's that the pain of it builds me and makes me strong to face up to challenges which is needed a lot in married life, plus I get more mature and I will be more appreciative of my rebbitzin whenever I get married (Bkuroiv mamesh umein).

It use to be that when I had a fall or a slip, I used to complain to Hashem saying that if I would have had a shidduch than I wouldn't have done this, I also used to say that now Hashem MUST find me a shidduch now cause I can't fall again, but nowadays I know that Hashem set up the nesoiyin and he knows exactly what I'm going through way before I knew and he feels my pain, so now I beg Hashem like a beggar at the door, like a son to a father who doesn't owe him nothing, that he should have rachmunis on me and send me my shidduch, those are powerful teflos and even though they don't get answered right away, I know that it is being stored away for another time.

Chazak V'emutz   
 

Shlomo24 wrote on 17 Nov 2015 18:28:

Thanks Shlomo, I am doing better. The kid blamed me by only printing half of the story, he finally came clean and we are friends now, believe it or not.
 

Mesayin wrote:

Mesayin - I'm a little teeny weeny bit older than you
You make me proud when I see how successful someone like you can be

Keep on the great Trucking!!

Thanks Markz for the oil in my truck.

markz wrote on 03 Mar 2016 02:23:

I think I'm starting to see some white of there.