Dont worry SG, 
You won't be the first or the last fellow to show up here who struggles with relying on others to confirm their self worth,  it's one of the very predominant characteristics of a lustaholic.

But on another note, ill up your Karma............ for a reasonable price

cordnoy wrote on 11 Mar 2016 11:20:

I hooked up with Yesod. Sounds like a nice guy - more than on in the written word
I think it helped to have a mindset that I'm a normal guy talking another normal guy - which is the reality

Im always hesitant making conversations which isn't my biggest strength. The floor is open if anyone wants to call me I'm happy to say hi, just email me markzgye@gmail.com send me your real first name and guess my real first name and your phone number

Sponsorship? That takes a long term commitment and I don't think it's my calling

A Happy Shabbos and Chodesh to YOU

Markz sounds alot stranger on the forum than on the phone. 

Get over it markz, you're not that special. 
 

Yesod wrote on 13 Mar 2016 04:52:

He is pretty special, on the forum at least. Very funny, upbeat, encouraging but occasionally sharp, finds amazing images, emojis, gif's and all sorts of other things that really brighten this place up!

There is only one Markz and he is pretty special,  but fairly normal nonetheless

This is all so cute! Now I wanna talk to mark!

Purim Night my mind kept going back to this passuk
So I'm not an addict - just plain messed up

markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:11:

Loda'as mah "zeh" v'al mah "zeh."

"Zeh" bigimatria 12.

Cord' - that's one of the deepest mystical posts probably in the entire worldwide web!!!

Translated to English
What is this 12 thing?
And why this 12 thing?

If you worked the 12 thing would  that clear your mind of thinking about that passuk?
I wasn't obsessed about it, just a little thought that popped back a few times, to no consequence

markz wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:22:

I'm not smart enough to know the answer to that question, but perhaps....

cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 20:29:

this is the actual pasuk -
ובכל יום ויום מרדכי מתהלך לפני חצר בית הנשים לדעת את שלום אסתר ומה יעשה בה

now it is true that the last 3 letters in the pasuk still add up to 12. and the rashei teivos of the last two words in the pasuk also add up to 12, and if want to don our streimels and darshan, there is a lot more purim torah to say.
however, allow me, לכבוד reb mark to share a thought on this pasuk.
the malbim and others point out that mordechai's going לפני חצר בית הנשים was because he feared for esther's life, that she would either be killed as a מורד for not divulging her nationality, or something similar, but the targum adds an eye-opening nuance:
ובכל יומא ויומא מרדכי הוה מצלי, ואזל קדם דרתא די בבית נשיא למידע ית שלמא דאסתר 
everyday mordechai "would daven", and he would walk "in front of the gate which was at the harem"
so 2 things: 
1. life threatening though it was, mordechai only went in front of the outer gate to try to glean information about esther
2. he davened first.

we can ask, however, that how does the targum know that mordechai davened before going - it does not say so in the pasuk - all it says is that everyday mordechai went. perhaps a peirush can be that it is pashut that before going anywhere where there is a chance for the yeitzer to strike, even if you are mordechai, and even if you are going for pikuach nefesh of klal yisrael, and even just to the outer gate, you need to daven for siyata dishmaya to be saved.
so the next time this pasuk comes up, one can remind himself that the targum says mordechai davened before going, and perhaps a quick tefilla for recovery and help would do all of us some good.

Yikes!
I had the לדעת right, but I screwed up the next. I was off by two פרקים.
Thanks for takin' it easy on me.

cordnoy wrote on 25 Mar 2016 21:54:

i was דן לכף זכות that you wrote it while drunk. (all that talk about 12 steps)
  על זה נאמר: עד דלא ידע
 

peloni almoni wrote on 25 Mar 2016 21:31:

I am not sure that מצלי in that context means to daven.....does someone say that?

?? that is what it always means