Workingguy wrote on 01 Feb 2016 22:48:


Nope.

Shlomo24 wrote on 01 Feb 2016 23:01:


I agree with 9494 the second time.
Single guys shouldn't offer sexual relations advice to married fellows; it's totally absurd.

I don't think what we were saying was absurd. It applies to sex/porn/masturbation you name it. I'm pretty sure that the White Book says "sex is indeed optional". I try not to say made up theories, usually I have good evidence for it, whether I mention it or not. If your wife is a niddah or their are sexual issues? Go ask someone else. Freaking out because of abstinence? That is not a sexual issue.

Ok so can someone some it up please

ZDuvid wrote on 02 Feb 2016 00:13:


To sum it up- your situation is painful emotionally and physically. No doubt about it; it's very frustrating.

You've also done really well in sobriety.

You will survive even if you don't masturbate before the next time she goes to the Mikvah.

If you do masturbate you won't necessarily feel better.

Hashem loves you because he gives you everything including your new baby. Mazel Tov!

Many "normal" guys would act out in your situation.

A tough situation isn't a license to act out, and Hashem doesn't owe you a sexual outlet just because you've been clean for a while.
You know what I sometimes think when I'm feeling frustrated in similar situations to yours? I think to myself "It's not fair; Hashem, why can't I have some sexual pleasure?"
And besides the answer that it might not be the best thing for me then, I think of another answer.
Hashem gave me a huge allotment of sexual pleasure in my life. I used SO MUCH of it in ways that he didn't intend, and now my account is running low. Something doesn't go right and I think "Why?" And He answers "you used one months worth in one week, and one year in one month".
So now you want it; but think about how many times you took it when you didn't deserve it.
Does He owe you? I doubt it.

But I feel for you, and I know the pain of the struggle. It can sometimes bring you to tears, and to despair. And so often we don't even succeed. But you, my friend, are a Gibor. You've tasted the real thing; don't throw it away for counterfeit pleasure.

Easy for me to say, so I just want you to know that I and everyone else here are with you either way. We will be popping champagne if you make it, and totally understanding if you don't.
My deepest wishes for your hatzlacha. I even feel your pain as I write this.
Let us know how it goes, and every bit of effort counts.

אל תדין את חברך עד שתגיע למקומו

cordnoy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 01:49:


I am not and I would not. I'm only replying to his question about summing it up.

Workingguy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 01:55:


Your post was excellent.
I was not referrin' to you.

cordnoy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 02:56:

Thank you. That means a lot, and sorry about that.

Workingguy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 00:53:
wow wow wow! Thank you so so much. Its just amazing! Your wisdom and kindness is just incredible. Thanks for your time and effort

Guys you must hear this! Dont laugh at me, but im a big fan of Ted Cruz. So yesterday i said to hashem "you know what, if you really wanna show me that you still listen to me and you wanna make me happy prove me if you can make a ted cruz victory even if the polls show otherwise" guys i swear you that i said this yesterday!
I guess after all god is willing to give Cruz a win so i shouldn't have a fall!

And where would I be if I would have bet with Gd yesterday and said "Gd, Cruz should lose to prove you wanna make me happy"

markz wrote on 02 Feb 2016 05:22:
then god would say to you "get out of here, Zduvid has this!"

cordnoy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 01:49:

I think that the rest of the quote is that being that it is impossible never judge someone else.

Cordy: You said that you weren't referring to WG, I assume that it's about me. If it is, then I would like to proclaim that I never for even a second judged him, I was just inputting my thoughts. I really feel for Zduvid, I just thought I had a little ESH about it. Many times I can come across as being hard or insensitive, which happens from time to time. But ruba d'ruba I am not, I just say things bluntly. When I received genuine tough love I came to realize how powerful it is and I may have unconsciously adopted it. Not going to get me karma points but that is ok.

Workingguy wrote on 02 Feb 2016 00:53:
yesterday at about 12:30 at night i sent this long answer to a friend and about two minutes later he rights back to me "wow, you sent it to me in the right time, god knows when to save me, GOD LOVES ME, i even went to a live AA meeting today but didn't really help my urge and i almost slipped but i guess today im sober!"
Wow.